Y’all today was a DAY. Remind me to tell you in comments how I almost got “the fuzz” (old school term) called on me today for trespassing. But, despite my dramatic day, I’m in a great mood because I went for a miserable walk and my endorphins remembered to work. Clearly, I am not in jail and didn’t have a heatstroke. (another issue, lol). But, first (said in my best Julie Chen voice) let’s do this RHONY Recap! One more thing on topic. Leah is trying to put out all sorts of stories today so she Doesn’t look like a cunt toward Heather Thomson tonight. (By the way, some newbie tried to come for Maria for using the word cunt in a comment. She’s in the WLS now.) I think most of us are Team Heather this season. Or maybe we are just Team MAKE LEAH GO AWAY!
A Drunken Mess
We start with a reminder that Leah tells everyone that Heather trashed the ladies on her podcast. This could also be seen as…telling the truth. They are all awful. Leah also excuses her upcoming behavior because her grandmother died. You know, like she was so normal and sane in previous seasons before that. I can’t even remember what this brawl in the opening scenes is about. Apparently, Ramona and Sonja are arguing about the Morgans for the billionth time. This seems to come up every time they get drunk. Sonja says that Ramona doesn’t have any friends. She has fake ass friends. Sixty of them apparently. Tomorrow one of my female friends is coming over to take me to Walmart to buy a battery for my car which she will install. That’s a real friend. Eboni is terrified.
Luann, realizing she is not getting enough camera time makes it all about her. It’s too much for her to be around drunk Sonja. I believe that as much as I believe she is drinking faux rosé. Ramona makes up with Sonja in an attempt to calm her down and they all call it a night. Sonja keeps telling Ramona she hates her. Ramona just laughs and make it sure we know that Sonja always keeps her price tags on her clothes so she can return them. When I get that wasted I’m way more likely to cry over some nonsense from years ago. I don’t get all confrontational like Sonja unless it is with someone I’m dating.
Grandma Dying Is Not A Good Storyline
Both Leah and Eboni have depressing, very personal phone calls with family. This is neither necessary nor compelling storyline. And it should stay family business. Meanwhile, Ramona and Sonja wake up in bed together like the previous night never happened and they are still besties. Sonja doesn’t remember what happened the night before when Ramona told Eboni that there was a lower interest rate at some bank that is not Morgan-Chase. She is basically pissed all over again. Sonja says she doesn’t want to be alone forever. Then she is pissed that Luann has a new man, Garth. He’s a fling. By the way, Luann is called the paps left and right to photo her kissing some soccer player or something and it is so fake.
Ramona’s “servants”, “help” and however else she refers to them, now have their on chyron with their names and titles like “hospitality director” and “hospitality staff.” For the love of God. Really? Anyway, Ramona is planning a Breakfast At Tiffany’s dinner. While surveying the dining table layout, Ramona is in the middle of telling Luann that she had a breakthrough with Sonja. Tiffany walks in and she dismisses her like “the help.” So, Leah goes to bitch about Ramona to the rest of “the help.” Then, she goes back to the dining room and explodes because Eboni and Ramona are having polite conversation. #Psycho Leah tells Eboni that Ramona is rude and fake.
Garth Arrives to Lead A Yoga Class
Remember how everyone used to shade Kenya Moore for her fake boyfriends? Well apparently if Luann pretends to have relationships with her “tennis coach” or her ” yoga instructor” or whatever the two episode fake flavor of the week is, it’s fine. I wonder how much they get paid? Eboni bails on yoga because she apparently hired a “glam squad.” As one does for dinner at a friends house. Sonja’s face is exactly what I look like in yoga. Or, you know basically any other form of physical activity. Oh! Leah is also getting her hair and makeup done. Leah tells Eboni she is taking a vow of silence until 6 p.m. It won’t last five minutes. I can’t stand her.
This RHONY recap is already way too long and nothing has really happened! It’s about Tom on the car ride to buy… oysters? Sonja and Luann are arguing about whether Tom was Sonja’s guys. Luann basically calls Sonja a slut. This is the worst season ever. Heather cannot possibly get her fast enjoy. Eboni sticks up for Sonja and tells Luann her comments are unacceptable. This is a middle school argument over boys. Eboni is shocked that Luann and Sonja quickly hug it out. Just in time to arrive at the next destination. #Pros The ladies get a lesson about oysters. My lesson is only eat them fried, and preferably in a Po Boy. Leah is talking again. #Shocker She needs to trash talk Heather before she arrives.
Heather Arrives To A Chilly Response
While Luann steers the conversation to podcasts as a salvo toward Heather, Ramona is busy explaining to “the hospitality guy” that several people don’t drink. So she is going to do their shots before he serves the ones who can. How very kind of her. At the dinner table, Leah goes for Heather during the salad course asking about her podcast like she doesn’t know she has one. The Luann mentions that Leah apparently listens because Leah claims that Heather is saying nasty things about her former castmates. Specifically, that Luann does hard drugs. Heather never said that. She said Lu offered her a joint.
Then Leah says that Heather said that she also learned that everything about Luann is fake. Heather said, “that’s true.” Because is sooooo is! Luann pretends to be shocked. Even her “shocked face” is fake. Somehow the conversation turns to naked male models and penises. I’m relieved at the change in tone. Ramona flees to the hospitality guy for more shots pretending she finds the penis talk offensive. Then we see her in the previews for next week when they have a male model over and Ramona remarks on his pretty penis.
I hate this season. Thoughts?