Y’all. I don’t know what is wrong with my sleeping but I seem to have narcolepsy. I was trying to convince myself I didn’t need to do the this recap and could go back to another lengthy sleep session. All I want to do it sleep. I have to get it together to go waddle in the old lady pond tomorrow! So lets knock out this Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap because it just started automatically on my TV and looks like a shit show indeed. So forgive the recap. I can barely stay awake and then I had a glass of wine!
By the way, even our beloved Captain Lee has tangled with a dock or three. It happens. I’m just going to say it now. Last week feels like three months ago and I barely remember these people. I am sure those of you out there that live alone in quarantine and don’t ever leave the house know this feeling. We are going to be out of this soon and try to take a five or ten minute walk outside when you can. Small goals. I never meet them.
The Show Must Go On
Sorry, back to the show. The boat has CRASHED for a second time. First of all I just want to give Captain Glenn a hug. Is it just me? I’ve never seen him angry before. The boat is in bad shape. And so is the dock. This is giving me anxiety. This is bad. Everyone is already starting to wonder whose fault, if anyone it is. It seems like computer error. This could be the end of the season. They just get a painter out to fix the transom and they are ready for eight women who I can tell from their preference sheets are going to be horrible.
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We are less than a minute into the guests arrival and I already hate them. Insane amounts of luggage that they want unpacked for them. I hate them. I may not be able to recap this with all the fake vocal fry. Oh dear God and they are Trumpsters. I just can’t. I knew they were awful people. A storm is coming. Maybe they will all drown. I’m going to need more wine for this. I want to puncture my eardrums with the small wooden stick. The actually LIKE Gary. I do not get the attraction. Some idiot is talking her ass off to the stew that is unpacking her bags for like an hour and a half. Bad weather is coming. And they caught the crew talking about how stupid they are. Daisy calls a crew meeting to squash the conversations about how much these people suck.
I’m Just Really Channeling Brittany on this Charter
I feel like it is women of a certain age who talk like this. It’s really annoying to the point I can’t recap it. It’s like they are trying to be stupid and obnoxious and it is working. Thankfully, a massive storm is coming. Perhaps if they all got swept away it would not be the worst thing. Once again, Natasha saves the charter. I do not understand why you guys hate her so much. Oh wait now Natasha apparently said she was serving five courses but only served three. Le sigh. Production strikes again. The guests are very happy with her, but you guys will surely crucify her over a plot point.
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Oh look, Jean Luc thinks he has “Chlamydia again” apparently that is a real issue. Fun fact for any young women reading this. Get checked for Chlamydia after any unprotected sex. There are often no symptoms in women and it can make you sterile. I only know this because when I was in college at UGA ( basically the last time I had healthcare, I should probably enroll in a class.. oh this is a good idea) anyway there is a big game between UGA and that Dogfood state to our south and one year there was a huge chlamydia outbreak afterward so everyone was tested. I did no go. I was whoring around on my own. 🙂
Meanwhile Below Deck…OOPS I DID IT AGAIN??????
Gary tries to get Alli to come cuddle. However, she is still dealing with the news that he fucked Sydney, so it’s a hard no from her. This will of course only make Gary pursue her more. Jean Luc lets us know his “junk” is getting redder. Another fun fact about chlamydia is generally only the guys have symptoms. And he has only been with Dani on the boat and her fertility is clearly not a problem .
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The weather sucks so the bitches want massages. So Daisy wants Dani? I have know idea whose these people are to give the guests massages. Really? How Awkward. The morons are “very stressed out” on a sailboat in Croatia. Please let this be storyline. Then, while Jean Luc is taking the primary out on a board, it starts pouring rain. Also his balls are on fire. Dani is freaking out. To top it off the guests are bitching. A couple of them feel excluded. And still… Dani is dealing with a potential STD. I mean if I had a STD for a billion dollars I would not say on camera, “Ooops, I probably have and STD again.” Dani wants to bail on the last charter. Next week” Jean Luc gets his junk checked out.
I’m confused how production is involved in the 3 course vs 5 course thing. Natasha told them 5 but made 3. Are you saying production told her to do that or did they tell the guests to complain about the food? This season should only have about 2-4 episodes + reunion left. I can’t wait to see what kind of crappy crew Sandy got this year.
I know she has her pet Maliar back. Maliar broke up with the cry baby, temper tantrum chef.
Hard no on that combo!
Will not be watching Sandy at all!!
Me either!
Me three. Can’t stand the two of them.
Me Four! I wasn’t even that crazy about Hannah, but what she and Maliar did, was dirty! F**K them both.
Natasha must either have a bad memory or else it’s production. But she’s done it before. I just can’t with JL and his STD situation. really? And now Danni is leaving? I can’t believe the damage done to that yacht.
If anyone had an STD I would have thought it would have been Gary.
I am in shock girls fight for him. I just don’t understand? Is he that charming?
The main charter guest Erica, the blonde with the wicked vocal fry, looks very familiar.
I don’t know if it’s from The Bachelor or Millionaire Matchmaker… she’s been on our tv before, as her usual foolish self.
it’s not just the vocal fry, she is a whiner, too
She was on The Bachelor way back in the day. She was also on either Bachelor Pad or Bachelor in Paradise– I can’t remember which came first. She use to always wear a flower in her hair. She was ridiculous then–and talked like that as well.
I was trying very hard to place the blonde woman with the very strong vocal fry who seemed vaguely familiar. When they put her name up as Erica it hit me! OMG-that’s Erica with the tiara from an early season of The Bachelor.
Prince Lorenzo’s season!
Erica Rose and mother were also in RH of Dallas in an earlier season.
Oops, i got my confused! Erica and her mother Cindi were on the Married to Medicine Houston show not RHOD.
TT, I felt the same way. When was the last time I watched it, and I hate this crew. That Bimbo asking Greasy Gary if he had extensions, was barf worthy. Will the STD have any affect on a fetus? Will the medicine? I’m assuming it’s JL’s baby.
Thanks again for another great recap- they’re really a gift- it’s so great to start my day laughing my ass off.😁 This BD has not been a fave, but I have to say Natasha is growing on me since her heartfelt thing on WWHL. Her one liners are great, and I am now starting to see that production could be behind her f-ups in the kitchen. I think I’m in the minority, but since production decided to infuse the same formula into BD Sailing (which I used to enjoy because it felt less produced- more organic) – now it’s all the drunken stupidity as the HW shows- just in a different “form”, I’m just not enjoying it as much. I know they were told to “bring it” this time (which to Bravo, means stupid drunken crap). I guess if their
#’s are up that works- sigh. Anyway, for the most part, this season is grossing me out and I can’t get into any of the characters- but I dig your recaps so much I keep “semi-watching”.
Ditto, I was just hanging in to see the boat crash. Not liking any of this crew.
Ok, who in their right mind has sex without any protection? With people who basically hop from job to job? No sympathies here.
Gotta say it again, this is the most immature crew I’ve ever seen. Tho I will give the deck crew some props for working so quickly during the docking disasters.
Now for the charter of ridiculous women. They are ridiculous! And that big blond is just playing it all for the camera. That’s what happens when other reality people appear on the show. They are aware of the camera & know that drama = air time. Make perfect sense they are 45 fans because they are all plastic, injected and dumb as a box of rocks. Please let a storm wash them overboard.
And Daisy was right about Nastasha – she over promises & under delivers. She’s done that a couple of times which puts Daisy in bad place. Nastasha can NOT admit a mistake. She has grown on me but her HUGE EGO is masking her HUGE insecurity.
Well, I am old (56) and have never actually been with anyone except my husband!
So, let me tell you ~ I I do NOT get it!
It’s scary and disgusting thinking about all the diseases.
Well, surprise!!
Natasha didn’t bother me at all last night.
I actually thought she was very nice to Dani.
And she didn’t complain about making them more food, she just did it.
And speaking of production….
Did anyone notice that the extra food she made for them was steaks….8 or 9 of them, at different temperatures that she did with NO PROBLEM?
So, that tells me that it was production that had her mess up Barry’s steak meal that all came out at different times!
Those HORRID women! OMG!
A lesson on how being rich and doing nothing is not always fun?
They don’t even know how to be happy.
They had to create their own paranoid drama.
Asking Gary if he has extensions! LMFAO. What an IDIOT!
Of course she just did it. She told them they would have 5 courses, get it done.
Well, earlier in the season she would have complained and been really pissed.
I don’t think Natasha should have changed the number of courses though.
And I felt SO bad for Ali having to unpack that crap while listening to that lady!
What a nightmare! I think it said 90 minutes!
I felt so bad for Captain Glenn. Then those women. I was already annoyed by the nasal vocal fry, and then the make America great again. I wanted to throat punch them all.
Gary impressed me (again).
Isn’t this a bravo first, stepping into the wonderful world of STDs? I’m embarrassed for JL, eww. That is nothing I’d want to broadcast to the world on TV 4 sure.
His parents must be so proud. I bet he’ll never get a date from any girl that watched the show. Now I look forward to the reunion.
I have a feeling we’ll be told it’s a UTI, but other things are really happening. They are all gross, and need valtrex candy. Sorry Sandy but some drugs are needed on these slutty boats! Don’t care about these guests and their nonsense. I’m not sure the 3 course bs either, because I’m not forgetting when I’m too drunk about my food. I can still count, 1…2…3…yeah I love you Tommy for that, hahahaha!!
If JL is really the no-show father of Dani’s baby, hopefully his junk will shrivel up and fall off.
TT, I love it that every week you ask what the attraction to Gary is! I don’t get it either….
I wonder if the woman who had Ali unpack her bags while she sits there, might have gotten that from Sonja and Romana, did they used to get whatever place they were staying at do that for them also? I’m really hoping that J.L is okay, and maybe something else, you know like laundry soap that kind of deal. I am waiting for word to come down regarding Danni’s pregnancy, which I hope is J.L’s, I don’t know why but its kind of like with all the sex that goes on all the boat shows, it would be nice if one couple stayed together and then with a bonus they have a baby…. Yaye. So TT I’m counting on you to spread the good word, but if’s not then you can stay silent. lol
JL and Danni aren’t together. He ghosted her and told her he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby.
If it was laundry detergent, his entire body would be red and on fire, not just his dick. JL is an ass! He used Danni and then threw her away. Why would anyone announce on national tv they have a STD?