Y’all. I don’t know what is wrong with my sleeping but I seem to have narcolepsy. I was trying to convince myself I didn’t need to do the this recap and could go back to another lengthy sleep session. All I want to do it sleep. I have to get it together to go waddle in the old lady pond tomorrow! So lets knock out this Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap because it just started automatically on my TV and looks like a shit show indeed. So forgive the recap. I can barely stay awake and then I had a glass of wine!
By the way, even our beloved Captain Lee has tangled with a dock or three. It happens. I’m just going to say it now. Last week feels like three months ago and I barely remember these people. I am sure those of you out there that live alone in quarantine and don’t ever leave the house know this feeling. We are going to be out of this soon and try to take a five or ten minute walk outside when you can. Small goals. I never meet them.
The Show Must Go On
Sorry, back to the show. The boat has CRASHED for a second time. First of all I just want to give Captain Glenn a hug. Is it just me? I’ve never seen him angry before. The boat is in bad shape. And so is the dock. This is giving me anxiety. This is bad. Everyone is already starting to wonder whose fault, if anyone it is. It seems like computer error. This could be the end of the season. They just get a painter out to fix the transom and they are ready for eight women who I can tell from their preference sheets are going to be horrible.
We are less than a minute into the guests arrival and I already hate them. Insane amounts of luggage that they want unpacked for them. I hate them. I may not be able to recap this with all the fake vocal fry. Oh dear God and they are Trumpsters. I just can’t. I knew they were awful people. A storm is coming. Maybe they will all drown. I’m going to need more wine for this. I want to puncture my eardrums with the small wooden stick. The actually LIKE Gary. I do not get the attraction. Some idiot is talking her ass off to the stew that is unpacking her bags for like an hour and a half. Bad weather is coming. And they caught the crew talking about how stupid they are. Daisy calls a crew meeting to squash the conversations about how much these people suck.
I’m Just Really Channeling Brittany on this Charter
I feel like it is women of a certain age who talk like this. It’s really annoying to the point I can’t recap it. It’s like they are trying to be stupid and obnoxious and it is working. Thankfully, a massive storm is coming. Perhaps if they all got swept away it would not be the worst thing. Once again, Natasha saves the charter. I do not understand why you guys hate her so much. Oh wait now Natasha apparently said she was serving five courses but only served three. Le sigh. Production strikes again. The guests are very happy with her, but you guys will surely crucify her over a plot point.
Oh look, Jean Luc thinks he has “Chlamydia again” apparently that is a real issue. Fun fact for any young women reading this. Get checked for Chlamydia after any unprotected sex. There are often no symptoms in women and it can make you sterile. I only know this because when I was in college at UGA ( basically the last time I had healthcare, I should probably enroll in a class.. oh this is a good idea) anyway there is a big game between UGA and that Dogfood state to our south and one year there was a huge chlamydia outbreak afterward so everyone was tested. I did no go. I was whoring around on my own. 🙂Meanwhile Below Deck…OOPS I DID IT AGAIN??????
Gary tries to get Alli to come cuddle. However, she is still dealing with the news that he fucked Sydney, so it’s a hard no from her. This will of course only make Gary pursue her more. Jean Luc lets us know his “junk” is getting redder. Another fun fact about chlamydia is generally only the guys have symptoms. And he has only been with Dani on the boat and her fertility is clearly not a problem .
The weather sucks so the bitches want massages. So Daisy wants Dani? I have know idea whose these people are to give the guests massages. Really? How Awkward. The morons are “very stressed out” on a sailboat in Croatia. Please let this be storyline. Then, while Jean Luc is taking the primary out on a board, it starts pouring rain. Also his balls are on fire. Dani is freaking out. To top it off the guests are bitching. A couple of them feel excluded. And still… Dani is dealing with a potential STD. I mean if I had a STD for a billion dollars I would not say on camera, “Ooops, I probably have and STD again.” Dani wants to bail on the last charter. Next week” Jean Luc gets his junk checked out.