Tonight is the night for the first Shahs of Sunset recap and I am excited for it! For some reason I am thinking about how excited we get for Big Brother and then three episodes in everyone starts saying it is the worst season ever. Then, six weeks in, people start saying they are never watching again. But we do. LOL. Hopefully this season will not disappoint. GG is supposedly less violent now that she is perpetually stoned and has a new baby Elijah. Mike’s relationship with Paulina and ends up at odds with Reza. Reza and MJ will TRY to be friends, but I am not optimistic. And, they have added a new “friend of Mercedeh’s” London who is a life coach that will be shelling out advice. I’m already having Leva Bonaparte concerns. Let’s do this!
We’re All In This Together?
OMG! Golnesa’s baby boy Elijah is adorable and apparently has a very chill vibe. Our girl is growing up. She got rid of all of her knives and gave them to Destiney! WOW! She’s practically warm and fuzzy. Adam is still being a good little wife to Reza. He’s making pies and planting all sorts of things. Reza continues to work out and looks great! Destiney has become neighbors with Reza and Adam. Destiney needed more room for her “stuff.” I just read on IG that Vicki Gunvalson has downsized and gotten rid of a lot of “stuff” and she is so much happier. I am trying to figure out how to do that. Adam made Destiney a blueberry pie. I’m not thrilled that Destiney is back but I am keeping an open mind for this season. It’s starting out fun. Her house is BEAUTIFUL.
Reza wants to make up with Mercedeh and Destiney sort of does. Reza is blocked from Mercedeh’s IG so he looks at her baby on Destiney’s phone. Hopefully, they will make up. Reza texts her asking her out for drinks. I already feel a lot of production controlling the season. But, I like the direction they are going. There has to be at least one makeup meeting with Mercedeh and Reza.
The Single Life
Mike has also upgraded his digs to an apartment in Hollywood. His old house is still on the market. Mike calls Nema to ask him over to see his place. The first thing he says is “I wish I was single living here.” Welcome back, Mike the dumbass cheater. We’ve missed you. Not. But he is living there alone because Paulina is still married. RUN! PAULINA RUN! Nema arrives and he shows him the girls laying out by the pool that he apparently watches from the window. Mike tells us “Just because you hang up the jersey doesn’t mean the athlete is still not there.” And off the two go for a closer look at “the pool” UmmmmHmm. Mike walks in with Nema singing, “Welcome to the pool don’t touch my dool.” Who really thought Mike was ready to be a husband and father? I see no hands.
Mike has a dad bod. Nema compliments Mike’s nipples. What is happening here? Nema’s casting company had to be shut down in the pandemic. I feel for him. My site took a huge hit. But that was mostly on me. My mental health really suffered and I whined A LOT more than usual and could barely get up recaps. But I am BACK BABY and am having a really good day and ready to get back to waddling in the pool and working out! Less wine, more working out in the last half of 2020. I need my summer body back. LOL. (sssh I haven’t had a summer body since 1981.)
I am extremely fond of Mercedeh and she is my favorite female on the show, but Tommy is the best thing to ever happen to Shahs and I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am he is back on muh TeeVee! Holy Shit! Mercedeh and Tommy and the baby have moved to Calabasas! Proving once again she is top dog on this show, not Reza. And, by the way this is the crux of all of their arguments but they never admit it on camera. Mercedeh is WINNING! Merce says that Tommy has been working on ending his anger toward Tommy. But Reza extended the restraining order for three years. #Pussy. Merce wants to have Mike and Paulina (who she “accidentally” refers to as Jessica (Gay GASP!) ) for dinner. Tommy reminds her that Mike didn’t come to her Sip and See for the baby.
Tommy is in an anger management therapy where he sets a timer on his phone to ring six times a day for him to state positive affirmations. I should probably be doing this. I am MOST grateful to all of you guys who stick with me even when I am a hot ass mess. While I have become friends offline with a few of you guys individually, I love you all even the snarky ones. We are a big family her. I’m actually missing some of the bitchy ones I have not seen in a while. I never banned them, (the longtimers not the ones that are cunts on their first comment) and hope they are hanging in there and we will see them again soon.
I’m not sure why my girl Merce only has one giant hoop earring in. I’m distracted. Anyway, she says that the teams are: Mercedeh, Mike, Nema, Sherman (will we get to see him?) and then Golnesa, Reza, Destiney on the other side. Tommy hates those three. I don’t blame him. When Mercedeh says she wants to meet with Reza his anger management skills go out the window. Mercedeh agrees she will always be on Tommy’s side. As she should.
In typical Golnesa fashion, she got a rottweiler when she was four months pregnant. At least she has made up with her sister Leila. Golnesa says it has been two and a half years since she has had sex. Mostly do to quarantine. Leila was the only person in the delivery room with her due to quarantine. That said, so far so good with the dog and the baby. Meanwhile Mercedeh and Reza meet for drinks. He hugs her and she lets him but does not hug back. I feel like we have this scene every season. It never goes well. Mercedeh has two hoops in now. Maybe I just missed the other on in the first scene. MJ (cough production) decide to throw a birthday party for Mike.
Reza, Destiney and Golnesa meet at Reza’s house. Fun fact: Reza’s backyard not has high walls around his backyard. LOL. For some reason Golnesa and Destiney are dressed like hookers. Reza suggests the Palm Springs trip. GG and Destiney seem pissed with Paulina. Apparently, Paulina sent everyone including castmates she is not friends with like these three several screenshots of Mike in sexual poses messaging another woman. Raise your hand if you are shocked. I see no hands. Paulina told them she is done with him. GG was a cunty Mike defender because NO GIRL CODE AT ALL. Reza was sort of mortified because he was hoping it would work. And Destiney cringed.
Mercedeh Is Such A Great Wife And Mommy
Next, we hop over the Merce cooking and being a mommy and wife. Tommy is reading self improvement books to the baby. Mike and Paulina show up for dinner but Tommy struggles to get baby Shams to bed. Tommy opens the couples dinner by saying his kid pissed in his face this week. You’re doing it wrong, Tommy. You have to keep the weewee covered at ALL TIMES when changing a diaper. 🙂 Then Tommy gets an affirmation reminder and has to do his affirmations. He is grateful for his wife and his son and Mike and Jessica. ROFLMAO. Meanwhile, Mike is saying someone stole his ipod. I thought that was a music thing? I dunno. But he is making up shit to cover for his online infidelities.
Then we back up to the other side: Reza, Golnesa and Destiney. Destiney says Mike is very good at pointing fingers and changing partners so he does not have to change himself. True facts. Golnesa says she doesn’t think Mike has any emotions connected to his cheating. But he still need help with it and Paulina should take it personally. Mike continues to lie and cover up things with Paulina and Mercedeh and Tommy. Then we have a montage of Mike’s sexual texts. Mike says he can’t change his number because it his number since he was 21. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY HE HAS TO CHANGE IT. Mike is a lying, liar who lies. Paulina says this is not the first time this has happened. MJ and Paulina talk. No one is shocked. Except Mike. Mike is a fool.
Dinner is ruined. Mike is an idiot. Mike thinks it is time for shots. MJ tries to feed everyone before they leave. Tommy makes a joke about the girl Mike is texting and asks if she would come jump out of a cake. Mike and Paulina leave and get in a huge fight in the car. He accuses HER of being drunk. She gets out of the van and tells him to leave. He is not coming home with her. This season looks amazing.
It’s time for me to flip over to American Idol and sing to my boy. xo ~tt