Last week’s RHONY recap of the premiere episode sort of woke a lot of you and I was thrilled to see so many views and comments. I feel like the site is headed back in the right direction. Thanks for hanging with me through the dark times and coming back for the fun times! xo ~tt
We begin with Eboni having Leah over to her apartment. I mistakenly stated that Eboni and Leah didn’t get along last week. I was thinking of Heather Thomson. These two are friends for real. Eboni talks about her apartment as what she thought was her permanent home with the man she thought she would marry. But apparently he has children in Jersey and in the end didn’t want to be there and went to quarantine with them.
Eboni discusses how she felt about the housewives. She is already suspicious of Ramona and Sonja. Leah didn’t get to go to Burning Man because it was cancelled during quarantine. So she wants to do a Burning Man themed dinner. Is she going to be throwing the Tiki Torches while running around buck nekkid again? This girl has no couth at all. Eboni sneezes and Leah says, “Oh You just had one fourth of an orgasm.” See what I mean? UGH.
Sonja Needs A Healing; Ramona Insults “The Help”
Sonja has her “healer”, Aleta, over to ring some bells around for excessive amounts of money. Sonja says the room they are in was her ex-husbands gym. But, then she says, “But as you know I don’t live in the past. I live in the moment and going forward.” I pause for the lightning bolt that never comes because Old Testament God quit smiting people and got all soft once he had a kid. I can’t even type out all the weird shit that Aleta is spewing. Sonja is sobbing over her divorce from a million years ago. This is the most ridiculous thing on this show ever. And that is saying a lot. I should probably also mention that Sonja’s dog was laying on her head the whole time Aleta was drumming and ringing bells and waiving crystals.
It’s time for everyone to head to The Hamptons. But first, the requisite ridiculous packing scenes. Ramona has hired “the help” whose job will apparently be keeping vibrators out of the serving dishes. That is a pretty important job, actually. Leah is very sad because her grandmother is very sick. She rides in a car with Eboni. Luann drives Sonja to the house in her convertible. Leah loves Ramona’s “burning man” hair. Oh Lord. Ramona has lit tiki torches outside. Has she learned NOTHING? Then while Eboni and Leah are digging in to the food that is currently vibrator-free, Ramona calls the caterer by the wrong name. Then she says, “Sorry I get my help wrong.” I think she was told to do this to work up Eboni. She is well aware that it offends people when she does that. It comes up every reunion.
Money Can’t Buy You Class…(sorry for the earworm)
Ramona tells Leah and Eboni that Heather Thomson will be joining them for at east part of the five day stay. Eboni has never met her. Leah met her briefly at a dinner in the Berkshires and was not impressed. Also, Leah brought up that Luann was taking “hard drugs” when they went to St. Barts a million season ago on her podcast. Leah says that Heather talks shit about Ramona, Sonja and LuAnn. She doesn’t understand why they like her. Then, Leah blurts out that she invited Elyse and her sister to Ramona’s. Who does that? I mean it was probably production that invited them, but still. At least fake ask Ramona beforehand. Oh Leah comes out with, “I’m just kidding.”
Ramona’s house is stunning after the makeover. Luann is not in the basement this year! She got the best room in the house! Ramona and Sonja go to check the pool temperature. It’s 85 degrees. That seems quite warm. I a trying to remember the temperature the waddling pool for old ladies is kept in. I think was like 82. Which reminds me I need to get up in the morning and make an appointment to start going back next week. I have been saying that for three weeks now. It has to happen on a Wednesday morning to reserve for the following week. How the hell do I know if I will be sane next week?
Women in their 50s and 60s Pretending To Be At Burning Man?
Where do they find these reality show writers? No really. Who thinks this is a good story line? I must say that Ramona and Sonja both look amazing though. Leah is wearing sequined assless chaps. Eboni is amazed by everything she sees. Wait. Are we seriously having ANOTHER HEALER? Two healers in one episode? I need to write these scripts. They are having a sound bath. Ramona asks a million questions about the “healing.” She’s so not into it.
Leah talks to the healer and the group about her mother being very sick. Eboni opens up that her grandmother is also gravely ill. And her grandmother and her mother are her only blood relations. This makes is even sadder that she told Leah at the apartment visit that he ex decided his kids were his family and she was not. Did anyone else got to Church Camp in middle/high school? This is less Burning man and more Church Camp. We would do all sort of things at camp and be mean or get picked on and on the last night there was a big bonfire where we all sort of confessed our sins or apologised or overshared something or shared a scripture and everyone cried for a few hours. I had not thought of that for decades until now.
The Sappiest Church Camp For Adults With Booze Ever
Luann says for many years she has been working on her spirituality. So she hopes some guiding spirits will lead her. Ramona says she has no family other than her daughter. Her friends are her family. She wants to pay more attention to her real friends. Luann tells us in a talking head she is not buying a word Ramona is says saying. Sonja says that she needs to be a better friend and be more vulnerable. This is so church camp for teenagers with booze. Sonja doesn’t want to burden her daughter with her problems. In her neck breath she says she just wants to check out.
Then the sound bath starts and Ramona and Sonja are looking at each other and giggling. During this moment of peace and tranquility, some is having an argument outside my house. I heard a female shout, “What?” And some sort of car or truck with no muffler sped away. It’s not even Friday night yet! Leah says she feels like screaming. The healer tells her to knock herself out. Leah, and Luann start screaming like banshees. Oldly a banshee is a female spirit of Irish legends who screams to announce impending death. So um, maybe poor choice of words or me? Leah screams a few more times and then starts sobbing. Then Ramona screams. You would think the cops would be there by now.
Right after that everyone gets on giant swan floats in the pool and then sit down for what appears to be oven baked pizza. Then we have a giant costumed dancer on giant stilts. Because why not? We have gone for church camp to acid trip. Ebony goes to her bedroom. She is fine, just tired and she wanted to bask in calm of the sound bath. Everyone else is sloppy drunk and agrees to one last primal scream before bed.
Next Week: The lovefest ends. Eboni brings up “the help” comment to Ramona. Leah tells Ramona she doesn’t believe she had Covid or donated blood with antibodies. Sonja and Ramona try to pick up random old men.