Is it me or is it always a housewives birthday on these shows? Tonight’s RHONJ recap will include the girls taking her apple picking for her birthday. Apple picking? I mean it does look like a beautiful day. But compared to other housewives birthdays… I’m just saying. Also I got a ton of sleep last night and am back to full health. And I’ve been having a sane day! I’m loving reading all the comments. I’m going to start chatting in comments more. It reminds me that this isn’t just a job, it’s a group of friends. And I am glad to have so many.
Joe Is Over Being The Man Of Teresa’s House
What the hell does “starting over never tasted so good” even mean? It’s so Teresa. Oh Jackie actually scheduled her own birthday event. They are going on a nice fall trip with apple picking and wine tasting and an apparent overnight. Dolores lies and says she has a doctor’s appointment so that she doesn’t have to ride in the van with the other women. They all just pissed her off at the last event. I don’t blame her. Meanwhile, Jennifer is finally getting some furniture. On of my commenters who is local says that the house appears to be empty with dead grass every time she passes it on her way to work. Jennifer’s mother calls and they have a huge fight. She thinks that Jennifer embarrassed her at the tea party.
Joe Gorga is over at Teresa’s and she gets him to help her take out the trash. Joe is in love with Teresa’s new man, Louis Ruelas. Speaking of Jersey Joes, I just realized when they showed the flashback of Joe Giudice treating Teresa horribly that I forgot some news on my random news post. Apollo Nida has decided to challenge Joe Giudice to a fight. Joe was supposed to fight someone else, I forgot who. But that fell through. Who do you think would win that fight? They both did a lot of training in prison. Melissa is mad that her brother told everyone she is in love. He says they need to take the next steps in the relationship. Like taking out the trash. Cynthia and Noelle did a cute (but very scripted) ad for Dove regarding selfies and girls self esteem.
Margaret Shoots Photos For Her Book Jacket
It seems like everyone on reality TV is “writing a book.” Ghost writers have never had it as good as they do during this ridiculous reality TV phase we are stuck in. Silly me. I thought we were getting straight to the trip. Marge Senior was in the shots for the photo on the back. Meanwhile, Dolores and Frank celebrate Frankie and Gabby’s birthday. Apparently, Frankie is working on Wall Street. Gabby is finishing? Finished with Vet school. David shows up for the celebration as well. Delores is still pissed that everyone at the last party said that David was stalling on the ring by buying her a Porsche.
Why in the holy hell is this recording AH HOUR AND A HALF LONG? I HATE BRAVO SO MUCH! STOP TACKING THINGS ON TO HOUSEWIVES RECORDINGS! Finally, everyone is gathering at Jackie’s place to head to apple country. They talk about Delores having a “doctor’s appointment” and driving up alone. Melissa says that she thinks Louis is Teresa’s husband. The girls all got together to get Jackie a pretty pair of earrings. Jennifer cries because her mother is so upset with her. Melissa gets a call from Joe who is in a lot of pain and needs to go to the hospital. There is so much drama on this show! Melissa bolts to go to the hospital. Teresa does not.
So we are down to four of the girls arriving at the winery. It’s such a beautiful day there! By the way, the rain stopped here and we won’t be getting anymore until Monday! Yippee! That has a lot to do with why I had another good day today. Dolores arrives right behind. She says that Joe Gorga is trying to pass a kidney stone. YIKES. #GrabsCrotch I just realized that I pretty much like everyone on this franchise. There is no one truly horrible person. I’m even okay with Teresa and her felonious past. Delores says that Joe Gorga is going through something and that is why he was so mean to her at the party. What an adult response! Who knew Jersey would be the franchise of sane and rational adults?
Delores wants to know who raised their hand when the poll was taken about the Porsche being a stalling technique from David. Jackie says she did. She just felt like Delores was really ready for the ring. And we have arrived at the apple trees. Chef Teresa wants to make an apple pie. She asks where the McToshes are. The kind guide lets her know they are called Macintoshes and they are really bad for baking because they are soft and gooey. I immediately think of this blind.
And The Survey Says!
The ladies go back to talking about the poll in small groups. If I was Dolores and my friends were all taking a public poll about my relationship at a party, I’d never speak to them again. As Dolores says, what if I were taking a public poll about Jackie’s husband screwing around? She’d loose her damn mind and rightly so! The same with a poll about whether or not Melissa and Joe’s marriage is going to survive. She would never take part in any of those polls. She’s pissed.
This woman helping the women pick apples and driving them back is a saint. Then the ladies go to the winery for some outdoor wine tasting and finger foods. Margaret is having the next event. It’s a combination of a Halloween Party (Please no Native American Headresses!) and Margaret’s Joe’s birthday party. Jennifer says that Dolores’ should bring David to the party because he should be there for her at least once. This of course sets Dolores AWF! Then shockingly, everyone acts like adults and tells Delores they support her in whatever she wants for herself.
Meanwhile, Back At Chez Gorga
Joe apparently passed his kidney stone and is feeling much better. Joe and Melissa both sing David’s praises. I’m shocked he checked in with Joe because he is a OB who delivers babies in dire circumstances if I understand that correctly. Melissa tells Joe to lay off of David and to stay out of Dolores’ relationship. He says Dolores is his friend and he has known her longer than he has known his wife and he will do whatever he wants. Melissa points out that women do not NEED a man. This is antithetical to EVERYTHING Joe believes so, an argument ensues.
I am SOOOOOOOO Team Joe Gorga on this argument. Joe just wants to feel like he has a wife and not a business partner. Melissa is not listening to her husband at all. All he is doing is asking for more attention. If the sexes were reversed, and Joe was blowing her off when she asked for attention everyone would be in an uproar. Joe says, go be a powerful businesswoman. Go do whatever you want to be in life. We’re done.
Teresa gets ready for a dinner date with Louis. OMG. Milania is only 14 but she looks so grown up! She is so pretty! She wears a lot of makeup for her age though. She’s done a whole glam squad for this scene. Teresa needs to watch out for this one. Then, Teresa goes out with Louis looking like a streetwalker. So maybe it is genetic.
WWHL With The Husbands
OMG the husbands all have taglines. I’m DYING here.
Frank: I don’t know how the other men rank, but remember there is a reason they call me Big Frank.
Margaret’s Joe: I always wear the pants even if my wife picks out the shirt.
Bill: I’m the only bill my wife is responsible for.
Evan: The only stuff I am doing at the gym is turning heads.
Joe Gorga: If you envy my wife, get a load of my life.
OMG Joe Gorga’s was kind of lame and Frank’s could have been better but the rest were PRICELESS. The WWHL inter who wrote these needs to do all the housewives taglines. I am kind of shocked that Evan agreed to this. Frank admits to having gotten a little botox. They did a lot of raise your hand polls for the guys. It was funny. I’m sorry I am not giving a blow by blow of this. The reason is all I keep thinking is that The Real Househusbands of New Jersey Would be a much better show than any Real Housewives show EVER.
Joe Gorga says he doesn’t regret saying that Frank made Dolores a broken woman. Joe Gorga says he is shocked by Joe Wakile’s public statement calling him and Melissa farm animals. He really misses Rosie. But Richie not so much. He says the reason that Richie’s kids are speaking so negatively is because of him. I love ALL the Wakiles and know people that know them and they are supposedly all quite lovely. Evan jokes about Jackie’s aversion to blowjobs and how he hopes to get one one day. I feel like she probably does at least occasionally.
Margaret’s Joe admits he heard the cheating rumor about Evan from Margaret’s “staff.” OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH on the drink or answer the question round, Frank drinks rather that tell when the last time he had sex with Dolores was. THESE TWO NEED TO GET BACK TOGETHER. Earlier in the show, Andy asked about the psychic saying that David was not her soul mate. He said he is Dolores’ soulmate. I TOTALLY AGREE!
While I am pissed about it always being tacked on and fucking up my DVR this was the best episode of WWHL EVER!