Did anyone miss my Floribama Shore recaps? I pushed the taping of Top Chef off to the second viewing so I could watch this tonight. Top Chef will be up either later tonight or tomorrow morning. Today, I FINALLY got my fucking taxes done and in the mail after spending about seven hours on them today. I thought I would feel relief that it is over dropping them in the mail, but when the anxiety finally abated, I was just mentally and physically exhausted and a bit overwhelmed. So, I need me some Floribama Shore. I’ve missed several episodes because MTV doesn’t do a second airing. That said, it’s not a deep show you have to keep up with. Let’s get to it!
Oh! It looks like we have brought fresh meat into the house since last I watched. Some blond girl named Ally. And of course Jeremiah and Gus are both going to see who has the biggest big dick energy. Plus Aimee has turned the basement into a club so they can get their trashy Florida panhandle bar life going in the middle of Montana. Of course all the drunken fools are dancing and getting wasted in Club Basement. Oh Ally is Aimee’s cousin. I should have guessed. She is going to encourage her to choose Jeremiah. But she is more into Gus. She thinks he is a gentleman. I’d pick Gus too. Cody is wasted. Gus made a pinky swear to Aimee that he would not sleep with her cousin. We all know he will.
The next morning, Gus has hickeys on his neck. He denies to Codi that he screwed her. Kirk’s girlfriend, Gwen, decides to come for a visit even though she doesn’t want to be on the show. The idiots are off to go horseback riding. This will not end well. I don’t know who is more freaked out, the idiots or the horses. Gus seems to be the only one who can ride.
Kirk Prepares For His Woman’s Arrival
Kirk is so excited for Wren’s arrival. He’s cleaned the bathrooms, ordered roses and wine and begged everyone to be on their best behavior. We shall see. Meanwhile Nilsa and Candace have been spending a lot of time in the drive-through. Today, I had to go to the Post Office and there is the worst McDonald’s in the world next door. I have sworn off even going there for a sweet tea but it was a special occaision and Mickey Dee’s keeps advertising the delicious looking chicken sandwich. I figure they have to be able to deep fry a chicken patty and put it on a bun, right? But, the place was all boarded up. I guess everyone else stopped going there too.
When I finish this Floribama Shore recap, I’m going to cook one of my $15 porkchops with some sweet potatoes and pineapple and onions and jalapenos and whatever else is in the pantry. I’m starving and haven’t eaten all day. Poor Codi. Apparently, if you drop a mint in a liter of cola it erupts. So Gus of course told him it would turn the cola pink. Also, he said to get real close to watch it turn colors. I have to admit that was a good prank. Also, everyone seems to be getting along with Gus now. Even, Jeremiah. Nilsa and Kirk help turn Club Basement into a romantic getaway for Kirk and Wren. She is arriving late at night so everyone will be asleep.
The Love Birds Are In The House
Kirk is so in love. Jeremiah gets up early to make the lovebirds breakfast. Kirk and Wren spend Thanksgiving with Codi’s family every year and Nilsa and Gus 2.0 double date with Kirk and Wren. The gang wants to go sledding again. They suck at sledding hilariously. It was fun to watch. It’s time to make dinner and they guys argue over who makes the best salmon. Kirk and Codi challenge each other to a salmon cookoff. Kirk wins. Codi can’t make a cup of mac and cheese in the microwave. Codi insults all the girls cooking. Codi pisses everyone off by saying that he is the only one that can be the butt of a joke. Especially the girls. #Drama
The girls are all so butt hurt over everything. They all mock Codi all the time and treat him like their slave. And now, Candace is losing her mind screaming at the dinner table. Candace is picking a fight with all of the guys. She must be overserved. She storms off. Dinner is ruined. I need to go cook me a porkchop now. It should be ready sometime during Top Chef.