Get your Loverboy ready, it’s Summer House recap time! We pick up from last week with Lindsay getting her huge romantic moment from Stephen/Stravy. Amanda can’t believe that this happened on one of her 8,000 anniversaries. How selfish of them to not devote all the days of the week to every Kamanda anniversary! Kyle was in on the plan the whole time so suck it up Amanda. He told Stravy when they would be gone so that he could plan his “Say Anything-ish” moment for Lindsay. Lindsay is happy but cautious. Danielle doesn’t believe that one grand gesture should negate the reason they broke up. We feel you Danielle but this is Summer House. We will watch this crash and burn just as we watched it crash and burn a few weeks ago.
Come See Me, Maybe
Paige feels like she’s single without the benefit and fun of being single. Have we discussed Perry in depth? It could be the edit he’s given, but I don’t like him. Paige started to open up about how she’s feeling down and he immediately asked “do you still love me?” Paige wants to see Perry come to the house and be with her friends. It seems like Perry doesn’t want to be on TV. She was already on TV when they met, so if Perry is so anti-Summer House then that should have been discussed from the get go. Hannah gives her solid advice by telling her to talk to Perry about how she’s hurting. I don’t like to see Paige cry. It’s like watching your favorite snobby, snarky friend hurting. No bueno.
Des arrives. I already hate him by his stupid knock at the door. Right off the bat Hannah takes him into the bathroom to have sex. It took exactly a minute so I do believe Hannah is getting all she deserves with Des. Kyle meets Des. He sums it up perfectly by saying “Hannah wanted to fuck me the whole time. So now she’s dating my dad”. Paige makes lobster pasta for the house. Over dinner, Luke grills Des about how he and Hannah met. Des had been “following her” for a while then reached out when she was isolating on Shelter Island. Keeping it super classy, Des announces that they fucked on the second date. Luke figures out that Hannah is full of absolute bullshit when she claimed Luke was leading her on. Hannah and Des deserve each other.
Get Your Puke Bucket Ready
Carl and Ciara talk while cleaning up dishes. Carl is struggling a bit. Ciara is happy to help him. The guys discuss Des. Luke isn’t a big fan. Everyone gets ready to go on a boat except Danielle, Hannah and Des. Danielle doesn’t go because Robert is coming! I’m excited to meet Robert. While the rest of the gang have a great time on the boat, Hannah takes Des into Amanda and Kyle’s bathroom to have sex. Des graciously offers to jerk off on Kyle’s bed. I WISH we could get a real time reaction from Amanda and Kyle to seeing this footage! Kyle must have been PISSED. Danielle and Robert are a mature, boring, cute couple. Hannah and Des have sex in the bathroom. The differences couldn’t be more stark.
The gang returns home from the boat. Everyone is excited to meet Robert. Ugh Hannah and Des are desecrating the entire house. Pool, jacuzzi…GROSS. Paige is super drunk and loving life. Kyle prefers Paige without Hannah. We all do Kyle, we all do. While Amanda speaks glowingly of Des and Hannah to Kyle, Des is telling Paige and Ciara how they fucked on Kyle and Amanda’s bed. Ciara wants to drown herself in the jacuzzi. Paige is secretly dying to tell Kyle so she can witness his head exploding. Maybe we will get to see Kyle’s reaction? Maybe Paige will spill the beans? Ooooh I hope so!!
But Wait! There’s More!
On the next Summer House recap:Lindsay gets back together with Stravy, much to Danielle’s dismay. Luke admits to Hannah he isn’t a huge fan of Des. Hannah and Amanda argue over Des.
BONUS WWHL Mini Recap: I watched WWHL with Trishelle from the Challenge and Carl from Summer House so you don’t have to! Carl is 90 days sober. YAY! He looks so good and healthy. They’re doing the reunion the day after this filming. Carl was as disgusted as we were about Des and Hannah having sex in Kyle and Amanda’s bathroom. Trishelle hooked up with Andy Dick and Leo DiCaprio. Trishelle is so beautiful and funny, but she likes Hannah. So eww.
Carl is single and ready to date. It won’t be Lindsay though, he says they are better off as friends. Andy gives his top 5 women for Carl to date: Leah McSweeney (they text), Danielle, Madison LeCroix (he says no way), Heather Gay from SLC, and Paige (Carl politely declines-ish. He says to see what happens over the summer). Of all the women named I would like to see him with Danielle. I feel like she would be a mature, calming force for him. Thoughts? Thank you again for reading! I will try to get back on my comments game. Until then, thank you for bearing with me and for loving this show along with me! Follow me on Twitter (@popculturekelly).