So for calling in mentally unwell and being a bit late for tonight’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht Recap. But I am ready to go tonight for the second airing! Despite a giant tree falling and destroying my fence and my neighbors shed and almost hitting their house. Today’s place is a wasp nest right by the back door. But I’ve got this! There were some great performances on Idol tonight. This is a really turning out to be a good season after a pathetically overproduced selection process. Let’s see what these angry, horny, young folks get up to night.
Everyone Is On Edge Trying To Please The Douchebag
Last week Barrie caught a bit of Karma for constantly trying to fuck with Nastasha. He’s literally been trying to sabotage her will all manor of ridiculous requests. So Karma bit him in the ass and left him stranded on an island when the tender broke down. I don’t feel like anyone was in the mood to rescue him very quickly. He’s a douchebag. Daisy and Natasha hate each other. Daisy and Gary hate each other. Sydney, Dani and Gary are in some sort of throuple.
It’s the morning after the worst drag queen event in the history of drag queens. Daisy thinks she has to micromanage Natasha. Then she asks Gary for more help in the kitchen since the guests are such dicks. Is beans on toast a normal thing in England? The only thing I remember about breakfast in London was I would order hot tea with sugar no cream and a lemon. The waitresses all loved me for that. My parents ordered coffee. And that is where I first discovered Laughing Cow cheese that I would spread over delicious hunks of bread. I do not recall beans on toast. lol.
Natasha Is Better Than The Editing Suggests
For some reason, I guess because there is a both a birthday and and engagement on the same boat, Natasha has promised cotton candy to the primary that she either cannot or decided she will not deliver. Never overpromise, Natasha! Personally I believe with Natasha’s resume, production is deliberately sabotaging her. The pressure is on to please nine needy nimords and plane a birthday party and and engagement and dock the boat in very tight quarters. Natasha really does seem to be phoning it in tonight. She bought two cakes, and can’t be bothered to deliver the cotton candy she promised.
Daisy finds about about his at the last minute. She’s furious She has nine people to serve, clean their cabins do their laundry, plan drag shows, wash the dishes and set up for the next meal. Natasha and the deck crew are not interested in helping her out. Daisy should get someone to figure out the cotton candy machine. But she didn’t. Barrie is pissed that the ice cream and the cotton candy isn’t there. Daisy plies them with shots and it seems to work.
From Boyfriend To Step Father…
In the world’s most awkward proposal ever, Barrie asks Scott, his daughter’s ex-girlfriend to marry him. And you know, be his ex-lovers step-father. Nothing weird about that at all. Scott replies unenthusiastically, “Yes, of course I want to be a part of this.” How romantic. WTF does that even mean? The ring is HUUUUUUUUUGE! I guess when some things are small you go big in other areas. Also, I’m not sure if it is true but someone sent me an email saying that the newly engaged couple had another kid? more twins? within weeks of this trip. So she will have a few more siblings.
Did Dani just make out Jen-Luc? I cannot tell these women apart. Saffron, whose ex-boyfriend just became her soon to be stepfather (I can’t stress this enough!) is downing shots one after the other. I can’t blame her. Poor girl. She was up puking all night. Her first daddy as opposed to daddies two and three goes to the bathroom to hold her hair and clean up the mess. In the morning we see a tag on a bag in the laundry room labeled “towels with puke.” Alli is the unsung hero of the season.
Don’t Rock The Boat!
Dear Lord, guests aren’t leaving until 3 p.m. That means lunch while sailing. No pressure. There is a ton of wind and everything in the kitchen starts flying everywhere. I feel really badly for Natasha. She’s a one woman show with a lot of pressure on her and everyone acts like it is her fault that the boat is heeling. She literally had no warning until it was too late. The plates are on the table in front of the guests for lunch. But, it all works out Barrie actually compliments the meal. Natasha is happy to finally be appreciated.
Barrie was oddly complimentary when he left. I think it was because most of his assholery was scripted by production. Daisy chooses the tip meeting to complain to Captain Glenn about Natasha and Gary. I’m not feeling to warmly about Daisy at this point. Colin sticks up for the deck crew. The tip was abysmal. I was only $15,000 or $1,600 each. I think that is the lowest tip they’ve ever received. Even from the people who had to leave because someone got sick. The next charter is tomorrow afternoon.
It’s A School Night!
I’m not sure what “going to talk to the agent” is code for but that is what Captain Glenn is doing tonight. He tells the children not to drink too much or stay out too late because it’s a school night and they will regret it in the morning. Natasha is already in bed. The rest of the children are home alone so they are going to party. It irks the piss out of me that every time Gary walks by they put up a chyron with his name. But the three blonde look-a-likes never have one.
Captain Glenn returns at the stroke of midnight and the throuple and Daisy are still up. He reminds them they are getting up bright and early the next morning to work. Daisy goes to bed. The throuple does shots and gets really drunk. They do the “one more shot” thing several times. At two am they are totally wasted and decide to go for a naked swim. The episode ends with them about to jump overboard. This will not end well.