Hey! It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m about to start a two hour 90 Day Fiance recap! Might as well, night is day and day is night over here. I just this minute took out the trash and I swear a bat was out there messing with me. Nothing surprises me anymore at the ghetto shack. I am actually feeling better. I was able to eat a nutritious meal todayesterday. Anyway, let’s see if we can get some of these fools married.
Yara & Jovi
Yara has the pre-wedding jitters and so does Jovi. So far things are normal. Jovi’s mom, Gwen, seems thrilled to be giving Yara to Jovi. I am pleasantly surprised at the budding relationship between these two. She has recently been sticking up for Yara over things like the ring purchase. Yara looks beautiful. The couple meets up outside the chapel and they both like what they see. What was the point of dressing separately if he was going to see her before she walked down the aisle? Kids today! Oh they are riding together to the Elvis wedding.
Am I the only one shocked by Yara’s reaction to Elvis? She seemed to know who he is! And she thought it was cool! I figured she would hate it! I am SHOOKETH that went so well. Who is this new Yara? I like her! A month later the coronavirus hit. Jovi was supposed to home but there are no international flights. She is alone in NOLA. So Gwen drives an hour and a half to come take her home with here and get her out of NOLA. Jovi’s parents have a lovely house. Gwen is such a sweet person. They in-laws live in Cut Off and it is a really cute town on the marshes. This will be an interesting adventure for Yara. I love that she is going crabbing and actually participating! Who dis? Clearly it is Jovi who makes her bitchy.
She is still going back to New Orleans about 40 or 50 miles away for her doctor’s appointments. Now she is seven months pregnant. She is trying to decide whether or not to get an epidural. She seems to think Jovi would be helpful in making the decision. Um no. Talk to Gwen. At seven and a half months, she moved back to her apartment because Jovi is coming home. She has made him a birthday cake. He doesn’t deserve a cake. I hope she smushes his face into it.
Jovi Finally Returns
When poor Gwen goes to pick up her man child at the airport she gives him his birthday present which is one of those wearable baby carriers. He has a minor hissy fit about how that is not even a present for him it’s a present for the baby. Gwen asks him if he is aware this is not pet that he is about to receive. Back at the apartment, Yara has made a cake from scratch, wrapped a present for him, decorated with balloons, and made the house look nice. She also bought him an apple watch. He tells her the cake tastes like sand. He is such a dick.
At a gender reveal party we find out he is having a girl. Later, Jovi goes out for drinks with his boys, leaving his pregnant wife who is due any moment home alone. And he’s drunk when he finally gets home. He tells her “It’s not like you had the baby while I was gone.” That night she has some pregnancy complications and they are up all night. She’s in a lot of pain. The doctor tells her to wait to come to the hospital until she has contractions. The next day her water broke and they are off to the hospital. After so much drama where Jovi was more of a hindrance than a help, they have a beautiful baby girl! They named her Myrah and she is perfect. I hope Jovi grows the hell up.
Natalie & Mike
Well here we go again with these two. I don’t understand why anyone would go through with a marriage if they were not madly in love. Even Natalie isn’t excited that they are getting married. Mike agreed to it the night before. We didn’t get to see how all that went down. Natalie is wearing a white summer dress that she just happened to bring from the Ukraine and white sneakers. Tamara is there to help her get ready. Bless her heart. Tamara has been through a lot. She tells Natalie that she looks beautiful. Natalie shrugs and says, “I know.”
It’s come down to will he or won’t he? And thanks to people who insist on posting spoilers in comments as if they are the only ones with access to the world wide web, we already know what happens. Should I even bother to recap the drama? I loved the vows that were tailored just for them. And especially when the officiant said, “Natalie, you may kiss your husband.” Uncle Buck was there in his best white undershirt, bandana and multiple necklaces. He approves and even shed a tear. Tamara was very supportive.
Amira & Andrew
We gave both jackass Andrew and idiot Stephanie on this episode. WHY? Andrew is completely lying to his family. I wonder what they thought when they saw the show. His mother does a angry rant asking why someone would try to quarantine in two different countries and then just not get on the plane. The short version is, she wouldn’t. Your jackass piece of shit son treated her like crap and then basically dumped her at the airport. I hate these people. I think the sister is starting to catch on.
Then, we see Yara crying ag Charles de Galle. No one cries in Paris! Okay I cry in Paris every day and except that one time I booked a different hotel than the one I usually stay in and had to drag all my luggage on foot to the good hotel while having a mini nervous breakdown, my tears are always happiness, emotional reactions to art and music, and general, I can’t believe I am here tears. Amira doesn’t seem to get she dodged a bullet. The guy abandoned her in two different countries! After the flight she still had another two and a half to three hours by train to get to Samur. She must be exhausted.
She had to move into her childhood room with her father for now. I love that she is going to finish her degree, and get a job and be independent. Perhaps this was a lesson she needed to learn the (very) hard way.
Stephanie & Her Gigolo Of The Month
I cannot with this one. She burns the K-1 visa from the first gigolo and starts bragging about how attentive number two is. I get the feeling this isn’t really number one or number two. I think half of Central America and a large portion of South America have been with her. She is an insane cat lady. It’s creepy. She actually calls the new dude’s spouse that he lives with and she has young kids with basically asks her permission to bring him to her.
Emma is so in on the scam. Harris tells production that he has never in his life had someone give him free money before. Oh, the scam is on you honey. You will work hard for the money. And you will be living with a batshit crazy person with no escape. There is a reason your cousin ran for the hills even though he too wanted to go to America. We see him and the mother of his children having a lovely, intimate time taking their family to the beach. And kissing each other. ROFLMAO. YAY! #Emma&Harris