Fuck it. I’ve been rolled up in a little ball crying all over myself. I’ve been drunk dialing and drunk emailing my friends in despair. I’ve been asking for shrinks and some mental health care. But I know myself. I am at my best when I am “Lentiling” with you guys. Not participating in my own lentiling season this year was a huge mistake. It was a huge mistake for my mental health.
I know what to do. I know the steps to better mental health.
- STOP DRINKING SO MUCH!
- Go waddle in the pool with old people. Or walk on the treadmill.
- WALK THE DOG
- Eat healthy food.
- DRINK WAY MORE WATER THAN YOU THINK YOU NEED.
- So I have been at the bottom of the barrell lately. But I am very excited to getting back to life. I didn’t get why it was such a big downer for me. Everyone is the first to tell me I don’t do anything. But I did go to the old people place, and I am the cutest on there. So there is that. And the sun is coming out this week for the first time in who knows when? So I am going back to the old folks place where I am the youngest member as soon as I can get a slot. I’m hoping for a water walking slot and a treadmill spot.
And I am going to stop being such a sad sack. I think we are all doing the best we can. And I am going to have a Zaxby’s blackened chicken salad with BOTH blue cheese dressings very soon. I am both nervous and excited to get back to working out. It really is a struggle for real. But let’s all get through this together?
So happy to hear you are getting back to the pool!! Best thing you could do for yourself I think – happy dancing for you 🙂
I really hope you mean this TT. Right before the beginning of this new year I decided that I was not going to keep myself locked up anymore. I wear my mask I tried to socially distance but I decided to start living my life again in more of a normal way I want to go to the mall I go to the mall. If I want to go to Starbucks or want to get my nails done then I do it. It was such a relief to start living again. I even go to the gym a couple times a week it is up to us to personally keep ourselves safe and healthy and as long as we work on that it’s a much better life
I’m so glad to hear you’re going to try to start powering through things. Gloomy, stormy weather doesn’t help so it’ll be nice for you to see some sunshine. If you can find someplace to get the J&J one shot vaccine that’ll help you be more comfortable being out & about.
TT, It’s about time to get back into the real world. You get your ass out there and talk to people and then count the minutes you can get home. (I do this since people annoy me.) Either way, get out there and get some different energy. It will make a huge difference.
Ummmmmm. where was my drunk dial? You know a b*tch is over here ready to talk? Is it a “yankee thang”?
Tamara, I’m new to your site and at the risk of speaking out of turn, please feel free to message me if you want a chat. I lost my brother just over a year ago, you sound like you could do with a bloody good vent and sometimes the people closest are the hardest to talk to. I, however am a complete stranger so therefore an excellent person to have a good random, offload of thoughts to x the offer is there x
Thanks Lisa.
I am right there with you Tamara. But on a good note, yesterday made 11 weeks without a cigarette and I stopped drinking beer, did both at the same time. I am down 10 lbs. Now, if I could just get back in the gym…and I turned 66 last week. I’m trying.
That’s great Lisa. I haven’t stopped smoking….but I need to. I don’t drink beer so I am good with that I was back at the pool the day they re-reopened. I haven’t heard of any cases of covid there. Everyone follows the guidelines. There were less people but that was a good thing. It was great for my attitude and I felt so much better. I have been meeting friends that I know are careful, tested or had the vaccine. .
OOPSs sorry, meant Lynn not Lisa.
Wow!! Very impressive Lynn!! Keep up the good work.
I need to do nearly all of that too.
I’ve been itching for a 90 Day Fiancé recap… it hit me today how awful production is. They should have paid for the hotel for Natalie so she could leave without going back to Mike. I really liked him to start with but he’s emotionally baron and mean.
I’m binging Marrying Millions now.
I think Natalie is also very mean. She called him low class, asked him what his IQ was in comparison to her “high” IQ at 110, which is barely above average, and lots more. They are just so wrong for one another. Maybe both good people, but in a very mismatched relationship.
Absolutely. And the religion thing! You can’t help what you believe. You feel it or you don’t.
I’m a huge “The Colour Purple” fan. Did anyone else pick up on Tarik saying to his mum “I’s married now”
I did!!! I wasn’t sure I heard it right. Lol. I loved it!! Here’s my thing with Natalie .. why was she waiting for him to make the decision? She should’ve decided not to marry him. He has a right to be unsure. He doesn’t have a right to keep her questioning. She now gets what she deserves, as does he!
Right there with you!! We can do this!
Yeah for you! What are you going to cook for Easter? I am going out to buy a ham today. God, that sounds so country, but it is essential for me to cook a huge ham for Easter.
Update on Jon’s heart surgery
Yesterday Jon had open heart surgery. It went as well as it could have. They were unable to do any grafts on the right side; that artery is toast with the blocked stents. But the surgeon was really happy with the two he did on the left. Jon was stable the whole time, no excessive bleeding, and his heart itself looks healthy. His surgery lasted 4.5 hours. It took a long time once he got to the ICU for them to get him off the vent and stabilized. They let me peak at him briefly when he got to the room and wow it’s hard to see a loved one laying lifeless looking on a vent. His room looks like the command center at NASA. I’ve never seen such an array of monitors, blinking lights, banks of machines. He has a nurse with him 24/7. I finally got to see him early evening. He was in a lot of pain. This surgery is like having 12 broken ribs the surgeon said. They couldn’t give him enough pain meds to really control the pain because every time they tried he fell asleep and quit breathing, which kinda defeats the purpose. He was fully aware which surprised me and wasn’t so great for him. I only spent a few minutes as they were constantly working on him. I am going back this afternoon. Visitors can only be there 2 to 4 because:covid. But until he’s moved out of ICU I wouldn’t spend much time anyway.
Also because: covid they only allow people to leave the hospital once and come back in per day. We had the dog in the jeep with us because we left the house at 4 AM and knew it would be a long day. I had to go out periodically to walk her and give her water. I told the young ladies at the check in desk what I was doing the first time I left, just going out to walk the dog and coming right back. They said ok. The next time I went out there were different people at the desk. I told them the same thing they said ok. Then when I had to go out again one of the young ladies from the first time told me I couldn’t come back in. I understand the reason for the rule. They don’t want visitors coming in, going out to restaurants or stores and coming back in and coming back in. But I literally pointed at the jeep and said I’m going right there, walking a dog and coming right back in. The girl insisted if I went out she wouldn’t let me back in. At that point I was down to my last nerve and tears started streaming down my face. I.tols her my partner just had open heart surgery and if I left to take care of the dog I’d have to go home and not be there to see him when he woke up. Or I could stay and leave the dog unattended all day in the car. That was the choice I had to make. She sighed and said OK. After that the few more times I had to leave I just breezed by the desk on the way out and back, hoping the covid police weren’t going to arrest me.
I left about 8 PM. Oakley and I ate and fell into bed. She hasn’t even wanted to get out of bed yet today. We’re both missing her daddy. It’s raining/snowing/sleeting here.
Sorry again for the long post. As I updated Jon’s family and friends yesterday I kept my composure and put on a good face. But the truth is my heart breaks to see him suffering like this and you guys are the only ones I express my true feelings to. I shed the tears here I haven’t shed in front of him or anyone else. Except for the check in chick. 😉
😢This broke my heart. I’m glad you were able to see him and take out the doggo. Jon’s almost there, stay strong and safe so you can take him home soon. 🥰🥰
Wow, Lucinda… I feel for you. You WILL get through this, it’s just one day at a time and each day forward is more day from the beginning. I am always in awe of what Dr’s can do to keep us alive these days. Make sure you take care of you and yes, I used to go cry in the bathroom with the fan on high so he couldn’t hear me. But now? Years later? He’s fine and back to normal, just moves slower. God keep you strong!
Wow! Bless your heart. I’m so sorry for what you are both going through. I probably would have had a meltdown w/the Covid police. Prayers for his recovery and your strength. It is truly hard to be a caregiver,. You can do it though. You have lots here to vent to. Sending virtual hugs and prayers!
I’m so sorry you’re going through that and hope Jon is doing better soon.
Thanks for the update, Lucinda. I can’t imagine all the stress you are under at this time. Sending you strength and love.
I think we’re all shedding tears with you. Hoping for better news today.
wow, Lucinda, I am so sorry for your trouble, it is horrible to see someone you love so much in icu like that. The next few days will suck for both of you, and Oakley, then it will gradually get better. Healing thoughts to both of you!
I will be here eagerly awaiting to hear about you feeling better. Know that. Keep on walking!
Yay Tamara! Good to hear. ☀️
I’m so glad to hear you are going back to the pool. It’s been awhile and you seemed to love it. Wish I was there, I’d go with you. Swimming is the only exercise my body can tolerate anymore. Keep us posted. Love you!
Wait, you have a restaurant that has TWO blue cheese dressings? I live for blue cheese dressing. Please explain because I am ready to hop on a plane!
Zaxby’s gives 2 pkgs of dressing per salad. I think that may be what she’s saying, that she will use them both. At first. when I read that, I was wondering when they got 2 types of blue cheese. Then it hit me, I bet she uses both packs like I do.
I would love to know what the two types of blue cheese dressing are!!!
It’s not two types but the salad is very big and so there are two packages of dressing. Back when I was a normal human I’d try to only use one because that is where all the calories are and I would get them after working out.
I get crumbled blue cheese from Trader Joe’s and make my own dressing. You are correct that dressing is usually very high calorie, but I love blue cheese.
I’ve been making myself walk so that’s my exercise.
It must be a thing. In my younger days I was one of those “dressing on the side” types. Now I sometimes feel like I could have the “salad on the side” of my bowl of dressing and toppers 😊
That’s exactly the way I like my salads, lol.
I’m down!
Drunk dial me anytime. I was thinking about that yesterday. After 7 years, perhaps we put voices to our words.💛
Top Chef is on tonight!
I may not be up for it. 🙁
That’s okay. I’m hoping it gives me some inspiration.
oh right! So excited!
TT- I enjoy reading your site. I am inspired by your focus on improving your health too!I have been struggling with the same issues. I did mage to start exercising in January and have kept it up. I was a well baked couch potato.
One good youtube source of exercise for those getting started again, particularly if getting out is an issue due to time constraints or Covid concerns is the old Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds videos.
Keep up the great work andvalso thank you for the Black History Month profiles I learned alot!
I made a quiche the other day and it actually worked! I was shocked. Easter is turkey with scalloped potatoes, stuffing, a big salad and grapes and pineapple for dessert. Invited the neighbors since we’re all vaccinated but since he’s a Dr. we still wear masks and…. keep a distance. Anyone else making anything?
lamb chops, creamed potatoes, asperagus. strawberries for dessert. major dental work in progress so soft, non-acid (no sugar) foods.
I was recently talking about making scalloped potatoes. I’m more of a turkey person than ham so your plan makes me want to invite myself. I’m still waiting to get vaccinated though.
Mmm, glad you brought up food! I’m doing ham (trying to find a good sauce to make for it – I’ve never really done sauce for ham). Also, I dice potatoes, cook them with onions, garlic and rosemary, then toss it all with a ton of fresh grated sharp cheddar (that really makes a difference because it doesn’t have the cellulose that bagged cheese has), then bake it until the cheese melts. Also having asparagus with lemon-butter crumbs and cheese biscuits (Wegman’s carries these amazing frozen biscuits with all-natural ingredients just like homemade, and they’re made by a Black-owned company- win-win!). Then coconut cake for dessert.
Oh, Easter. I’ve put on almost 10lbs the last few months. Dammit. I think it’s the menopause. I haven’t changed any of my eating habits! So freaking frustrating. I walk every day already (with the dog, a few miles at a time) and recently took up yoga. We’ll see.
So, naturally, I’m going to cook a ton of food Sunday. Heh. Baked ham, brussels sprouts with shallots and bacon, candied sweet potatoes, yeast rolls. I’ll lay off the deviled eggs. Dammit. And dessert. Maybe a little fudge ripple. I’m not made of wood.
Didn’t you go to UGA, Tamara? It’s always irritated me that those 2 dudes that started Zaxby’s pretended they “came up” with the concept for it while shooting hoops in Athens when in reality they just ripped off Guthrie’s. And aren’t as good. Eh.
Did you get vaccinated yet? I did and boy do I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Yay TT!! The best advice I ever heard re drinking water is to think of yourself as a houseplant with complicated emotions! Life and need to make $$ forces me out of the house. I recently got a gig live-streaming for a musician friend for 2 hours every Tuesday night at a local pub. And he’s paying me $75 to do it! He will be interviewing a &different musician ea wk, then they will perform. Makes me feel better about cleaning houses! I hope you had a great day!!
I’m so excited for you TT. Yesterday I went out into the real world and went into a store for the first time since last February. I was trying to buy some new clothes so I would have something fancier than sweat pants for Easter. I tried but was so overwhelmed by the amount of choices and being around other people that I ended up let leaving the store empty handed. Total anxiety PTSD reaction. Today I was able to do a quick trip to a food store for some Easter Candy and did ok. I guess I just need to re-enter the world in little baby steps. Good luck and enjoy!
Get a therapist and some meds and limit drinking to very special occasions and I promise you will feel so much better ( I know first hand)! Best wishes to you!
So true. Although I definitely indulge, I find that cutting way back helps everything because it’s a depressant and really causes anxiety. Even though I’m not especially prone to anxiety (naturally), I find that on nights I’ve had just a few drinks, I have the worst thoughts rolling around my head in the middle of the night. Not going to say I’m a saint, but cutting it almost completely out (combined with treadmill and walking) has really let the light back in…
Love Zaxby’s!
I fully support you getting out to exercise. During this past year of coronavirus, exercise has saved me. I started walking then running at the park back in April 2020 because I thought I was going to go crazy dealing with this pandemic. I have found peace out there and got myself in the best shape of my life. After a year, I am still at it and it makes me so proud to know I’ve stuck with it even when I sometimes wanted to quit. It has helped my mental health immensely. I wish the same for you.
Atta Girl TT! So glad you are getting back on the horse. My husband has become a gym rat, and I feel guilty if I dont go. So I try to drag my ass to the gym a few times a week. They are very clean, work hard to keep it running well. I keep thinking I am making my bones stronger.
You know when you are in that deep dark black hole and can’t crawl out … and then … one day, for no apparent reason … the dark clouds circling your head let in a tiny ray of sunshine … and a huge weight you’ve been carrying gets a little lighter… it happened! Keep going. We are here with you.
We are starting our “reverse Lentil” the day after Easter. Back to keto.
Now I want a salad with blue cheese!
Glad you are poking your head out!
Got vaccinated yay!
Had to fly to Myrtle Beach Wednesday for the mayor’s funeral and flew through ATL and boy was that crappy weather! Flew back through today and froze my butt off!