By Guest Recapper Nanette
The Quote o’ Night for this Married to Medicine recap is from Dr. Jackie, “The vagina is like Jesus; it’s very forgiving.”
Dr. Simone and youngest son, Michael, shop for dorm furnishings, as the third episode milks his “going off to college” storyline. Simone worries he will have problems with a roommate, due to his slobbish ways. Seems he already has multiples of everything. But he will take a fancy pillow to make his bed look nice for the ladies. Simone proposes a rematch of the Adult vs. Kids basketball game from several seasons back. Michael drops a bomb — he wants Dr. Jackie there (and Curtis). She is his favorite. He loves her. Makes me wonder if he knew she wasn’t invited to his BBQ bash. Later, we see Simone calling Jackie from the store. Jackie is on call, but she will pass the invite on to Curtis.
Anila is proudly showing off the under-construction 14,000 square-foot home to her parents. Mom has nothing nice to say. The guest room is too small and lacks a full length window and balcony. The living room ceilings are not high enough. She says the fireplace should be marble. Kiran says “it should be whatever we pick.” He tells mama how disheartening it is when Anila is excited and all she does it put it down. I think this is a pattern. Later, her dad pulls Anila aside to say they need a plan for the future, when one of them goes … you guessed it, the other will come to live with Anila and Kiran. Anila predicts a divorce if that should happen.
Afternoon Delight Bubble Burst
Dr. Jackie is performing a post-delivery exam with a patient who brought on an early delivery by masturbating. Apparently, the best orgasm ever made the organs contract and popped the baby out two weeks early. Jackie makes the crack about vaginas being forgiving, then blames it on Heavenly’s spirit. Jackie wants to know if the “queen bee” has seen any action. There is something disconcerting about a doctor who refers to a women’s anatomy in cutsie euphuisms. I wish Jackie would use her platform to educate women — including Oprah! — that the external female part they refer to as a “vagina/va-jay-jay” is, in fact, the labia!
Toya draws a seductive bubble bath to share with Dr. Eugene, who is still asleep. Undoubtedly, he has pulled another long shift in the ER. While soaking and toasting (Eugene has water), Eugene brings up how “snappy” she’s been. Cut to flashbacks of her screaming. He does not want to be that husband who gets berated by his wife because that is a form of abuse. Toya wants sexy time and Eugene wants to sort things out. The pandemic has kept them apart. She whines how she “wants my husband back.” Yeah, bitch, so do thousands of wives who have lost theirs to covid.
Not Cheating, Just Changing The Score
Heavenly chats with her son, Zachary (these kids have grown almost as quickly as soap opera kids) about his ventures in real estate. He recently got his license, while attending college for pre-med. In Heavenly SOP, she takes all credit for his ambitious moves. She is unhappy that she sent him to find a $150k house and he chose one for $430k. That isn’t how it works with real clients, Zak. Heavenly brings up how Anila, a “brown” woman compared Black Lives Matters to the discrimination and bullying she faced as an East Indian. Her diatribe is so exhausting she needs Zak to freshen her coke with some “crème.” “Crown?” Zak asks. For years, the only one who’s been fooled by Heavenly’s “Johnny Carson coffees” is herself!
Anila and Contessa meet up to discuss the explosive end to the dinner celebration. Anila says it was insulting to leave before dinner is over. Contessa blames it on Anila for trying to mediate things with Toya without doing her research. Anila says her mother felt threatened. Contessa remembers it as Anila’s mother grabbing her and having her hands all over her — supported by flashbacks. Anila says trying to get someone to finish dinner is the Indian culture. Contessa gets it but schools Anila that in Black culture it’s “keep yo’ hands to yo’self.” Contessa gives Anila a heartfelt apology, without the usual Bravo “buts.”
Home Court Advantage
After multiple brawls and parties at her home, why does no one know that Heavenly’s property includes a huge outdoor basketball court? Simone and Cecil arrive to set things up. Simone is wearing some butt-ugly shorts she stole from the 1980s. Heavenly does not want to see Simone’s ass! Michael and his brother, Miles, arrive with a friend. I hope he’s a ringer. Heavenly’s daughter Alaura catches Michael’s eye. Rightly so, she has morphed into a gorgeous young lady. Heavenly busts him and says they don’t need to be in-laws. The whole gang has been invited and they all are arriving. Cecil is here! Michael is jubilant! Cecil has supported Michael’s basketball dreams since grade school. Toya brings a plus-one “random bitch” and her child. This pisses off Heavenly because, rude. And, pandemic.
The game begins, with Alaura keeping score on the electronic score board. The guys make old man jokes. Simone is there to win. The kids are winning 7-12. Heavenly oopsie-daisies the scoreboard to read 11-11, then 15-11 with the adults winning. Heavenly screams victoriously while Alaura cries foul. Cecil says Heavenly doesn’t cheat. But she will change the score.
Here Comes The Covid Card
The guys go inside for cocktails and pizza. That’s our signal that an NBA-level trash talk marathon is coming. Contessa joins the guys because she is tired of the women’s BS. Heavenly is a messy messy mess. She calls out Anila not doing all the wifey things when she doesn’t work. Anila sets Heavenly straight that blogging is a job, proof is it brings in money. Shut down, Heavenly goes for Toya, repeating what Quad said about debt on debt on debt. Toya is blindsided, but stands up to Heavenly for trying to one-up her on the three-story closet and bootleg outdoor fireplace.
Now it’s on. Toya is pissed that she showed up in a $350 workout outfit. Heavenly thinks it’s sad that Toya thinks $350 is a lot of money, while she is buying a $450k house. It went from Zak’s $430k folly to a $450k trophy house real fast. Toya tells her to pick on someone her own size. Next, Toya pulls out the covid card, saying that covid has brought her to a place where she is done with bullshit. Funny, last week she melted down when Contessa said something similar. As the yelling escalates, we hear thunder clap. Someone says God has spoken. Even that doesn’t silence these women.
Meanwhile, the best Bravo men are inside toasting to friendship, to winning, and to Icy Hot. Hearing the yelling outside, Dr. Scott says they need to walk around burning some sage. Cecil says “that doesn’t work with this group.” Gospel.
Next week: Lisa Nicole returns; Simone’s wig almost drowns in someone’s pool; Anila and Kiran discuss her dream home that has become his nightmare; Scott discloses that he and Contessa are drifting apart; Michael finally departs for college.