This MAFS Recap is hopefully going to be a bit shorter with less detail than usual because I am excited to get to Floribama Shore tonight. But also, the weather gods are telling us that we are all going to die tonight. It appears we have a few choices, lightning, falling trees or full on death by tornado. But I am trying to keep Banjo and myself alive at least through two more two hour recaps. Let’s do this. It’s time for the couples to move into their real homes.
Ryan & Clara
Clara has lots of big ideas for all the things Ryan needs to get rid of in house so she can move in. She doesn’t seem to value what he wants to do at all. When they have lunch with Virginia and Erik, Clara is upset they are both are professing their love for each other. I find Clara disturbing. For their one month anniversary they go on a helicopter ride. Clara has never done it but she is scared. While they wait their turn, Ryan calls her “pal.” And that hurt her feelings. It feels like they may have had a fight before the cameras rolled. They seem very distant. They remain distant on the flight.
Their anniversary dinner is awkward. They just have pleasant conversation. Clara says she has no complaints about the marriage. That’s a lie. Ryan tells production that he could be falling in love with Clara. Or at least getting there. Later, when they watch their wedding video, Ryan’s position seems more understandable to me. It could just be he has been saving himself for his wife. Guys do that too sometimes. And he just wants to be sure first. He tells her that he still means his vows. She kind of agrees. But, here entire neck is blood red. And her demeanor isn’t one of someone in love. Then, more awkward silence.
Paige & The Boy Child
I just can’t pay attention to this nonsense anymore. I can’t even feel sorry for Paige anymore. When Paige and Brianna and Haley got out to lunch, Paige is happy for Brianna. Haley’s big announcement is that she has slept in the same bed with Jacob. They are communicating a bit more. Haley and Brianna feel sorry for Paige. They will get over that. Later Chris shows up for a pool playing date in a window pane suit. He begins trash talking about his pool game. She can’t even enjoy a game of pool with this fool. Chris says his emotional needs are not being met. He feels like they are at a dead end. She leaves crying and he mutters “we didn’t make it, I’m sorry.” Asshole.
On the one month anniversary, Paige is once again alone. She thumbs through their wedding album and watches the video alone. She seems to say the right thing to production and has a bit of a backbone. But the second Chris pops into the picture, she is willing to be hurt again.
Haley & Jacob
Haley takes Jacob to see a psychic. She doesn’t like when they psychic tells Haley she needs be less controlling and defensive. The psychic says they that they have very compatible life journeys or whatever. But, will Haley actually believe and act on that? For their one month anniversary they got to a winery for an outdoor picnic and look through their wedding album for the first time. Jacob is very self- conscious about his looks. I think he looks great in the wedding photos.
They seem to be communicating a bit more. Then, things get a bit more awkward as they reflect on their first month. And try to figure out how to navigate things from here. Jacob doesn’t know what he can do to move forward. Jacob feels like Haley “looks past him.” He feels alone in the room even when she is there. She ignores him. He says she made a disgusting sigh after each hug they tried on the hug a day rule. Jacob points out that she hugs strangers on the street. And she says, “Yeah, and I never have to see them again.” Is this the one who hasn’t had a man in seven years? I’m starting to see why. Jacob says, “Well guess what? In four weeks you don’t have to see me again either.”
Virginia & Erik
Erik needs to stop saying he has done this before and implying that means she needs to listen to him. Virginia doesn’t want to move in with Erik or have him move in with her. Virginia doesn’t get how marriages work. At all. She wants a fresh start for the two of them. But there is no way Erik is going to sell his house before they are sure it is going to work out. And he might not do it even after that. This will be a dealbreaker.
Erik takes Virginia to the family hangar for their anniversary. Not only is he plane in there, there is a living area that is super cute, a nice new truck and some fancy cars. This girl better recognize. Does she really want to go back to screwing random college guys who barely pick up the bar tab? They repeat their vows to each other and check out their wedding album. They also exchange I love yous. Then he takes her for a plane ride. Virginia loves the plane ride.
They have a very romantic dinner in the hangar. These two are the only ones who exchanged personal gifts. She give him a blanket with her hold her dog. She says it is for him to take with him on trips. Then, she also gives him a coupon book for romantic or sexual activities. He gives her framed poster that is the exact GPS coordinates of the place they first met and got married. That’s such an engineer gift. I love me some engineers. Then, the conversation just gets awkward. They are inching up on talking about their issues. They should save that for another day.
Brianna & Vincent
One their one month anniversary they go to the lake and watch their wedding together on a houseboat. This couple is the only one who has a shot. They make me smile. We all need something to smile about. They have a beautiful dinner on the boat. I think they are at Lake Lanier. It’s beautiful but there are a lot of weird deaths there.