Wow, I’ve really been falling down on the job lately. Sorry. I think I’ve missed an episode or two of this show. Life is a bit of a struggle lately. But I’m all set to go for this RHOA recap. So let’s do it! And thanks for sticking with me. I really appreciate all of you for sticking with me in the hard times and not just showing up for the tea. Now let’s get down to BOLO Business. 🙂 My body is READY! Apparently this episode is an hour and fifteen minutes long. I hate when they do that! Also, I’ve had a few beers while being glued to Malcom X on TNT. They had the best movies on all day and I am in my feels so please don’t bother me with your typo comments.
Wait what? Recently we have seen Kenya drinking on camera and now she is smoking during her talking heads? Is this a bit? Or is she trying to get out in front of Marc? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? I am so confused? Is this some sort of Sharon Stone impression? Production has gone all out for this episode. And Kenya even says someone slept with the stripper. If anyone did, it was Porsha, and y’all LET A GIRL LIVE! Then we back up to one day earlier…
I feel like I missed so much with all of my Quarantine depression. I don’t even remember Bolo getting to the house. Everyone is dressed like….. um…. whores? I haven’t ever been to a bachelorette party like this before, and I was sort of Ho-ish… back in my day when dinosaurs ran the earth. Then production makes of point of Tanya turning to Porsha and saying “Don’t get ‘ho-ey” without me. All the girls are half naked. Except for Cynthia who has no idea what is going on. Kandi announces that she is the mistress of the dungeon. She has tested BOLO for Corona (but not for diseases) and Cynthia has no clue what is going on.
The World’s Weirdest Bachelorette Party
How the hell am I supposed to recap this? LOL. Kandi sends Cynthia off to change into her outfit. Kandi is demanding that everyone refer to her as Mistress. And she sent someone to give Cynthia a mini vibrator to place in the pocket of her panties that Kandi gave her. She holds the remote. I feel like I am recapping lesbian porn. Anyway off we go to see BOLO who is outside in a glass cage. For now. He is gyrating in some sort of outfit he stole form Dorit with the fake Chanel straps or some such. This would have been a great party if I was twenty. But I am a grown ass woman who has already been there and done that and I am bored.
If you would have told me in the ’80s that giant butts would be considered attractive in the future… Well I guess I am finally back in style? But I am not a fan of seeing old lady fat asses on muh teevee. Your mileage may vary. I just don’t know how to recap porn when it’s like MILF porn. Porsha goes to ask BOLO to come out and party with the girls. She tells him the camera is off. The girls tell production to please turn off the cameras and let them have some fun off camera. This is what starts all the drama. Because at first the cameras don’t really leave. And when they do… THIS HAPPENS.
I Mean If That Is What You Are Into….
They take everyone’s mic’s off and the cast covers all the cameras. EXCEPT the house is still microphoned so the conversation is being caught, and some of the outside cams are still rolling. So they have some receipts. Then we move on to them interviewing people the next day. Nobody admits to knowing anything. Kenya who was the total NARC of this whole evening went up to her room where her nanny had taken Brooklyn to bed. Yet somehow, Kenya is the one who knows all the tea and told it to production.
The tea is that Cynthia wanted to make sure that BOLO’s giant dick is real. I feel like everyone in Atlanta who wants to know this, knows that it is in fact real. Meanwhile, Porsha and Latoya were making out and grinding on each other. Porsha tells Tanya to move the camera away. Porsha proclaims she is now a lesbian. HOLY FUCK! Production is at least making it seem like Tanya hooked up with BOLO! I never even thought about believing that until this point! Then BOLO was with Drew, and maybe even Shamea? What Am I watching here?
WAP IN THE LIVING ROOM!
Porsha is totally pimping BOLO OUT to the other girls after she clearly did him. She asked if Tanya had been with him yet. She says she can’t do that. Porsha says, “Yes you can.” Okay, I was pissed at Kenya for making all this shit up (which is what my production source told me) but it really makes sense because Brooklyn was there and she had been getting up early to make her breakfast. Now productions is putting up a blueprint of the house. Why doesn’t its show Tanya’s room though? Tanya totally passed on the BOLO PIPE and my source says she didn’t do anything.
Noonish the next day people are wandering around and Drew goes to chat with Cynthia. But when everyone gets together you can see that Drew is very nervous about Kenya talking about all the girls who rode BOLO’s dick. ALLEDGEDLY. My source WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, did not disclosure any of this to me other than “Kenya is lying.” Now I think my source is just covering for everyone! I’m going to have to check back in again with follow-up questions. Cynthia tells Kenya that she watches the girls all kissing each other. Kenya throws in that BOLO was a participant.
Kenya And Cynthia Grill Latoya
Kenya interviews Latoya. And Latoya denies doing anything. Meanwhile the other women are on a fishing boat. Attention, future RHOA, if you go on vacation and there are two choices, never go with Kandi. The reason Kandi gets the big bucks is she will go wherever production tells her to go and she will do it with a smile on her face and be kind to production. So, Kenya, Latoya, Cynthia and Tanya are by the pool and everyone else is on the boat. Kenya is railing on Tanya trying to say she got oral from BOLO.
There are a lot of interviews interspersed here. Kandi refuses to give up information, especially about where BOLO slept. But she did say on a scale of 1 to ten, things reached 100. Meanwhile, Marlo caught a shark in real life on the fishing boat. The boat people had a blast. Okay I am back to believing my source because Kenya is really pushing this storyline. Kenya is blasting Porsha and “someone else” screwing the stripper.
Cynthia Tries To Get Marlo and Kenya To Make Up
This conversation is great and they seem to make up but WTF is going on with Kenya? She looks haggard in this scene. I don’t mean any disrespect. I get a shit ton of hate mail about Kenya. Half is Kenya pays me to say nice things, and half is I hate Kenya because we don’t talk anymore because I was the person who announced her wedding. We did talk on occasion especially when she was with that one violent guy. But nothing I have every written or said was because I dislike Kenya. I actually like her a lot. But what y’all may not know is SHE IS A PERSON. And people have the right to their feelings. I am also a person. I do care about her a lot. Not in some sort of fan way, obviously, but I’ve heard the pain in her voice on the telephone that I will never forget. And for the undereducated, haggard means, “looking exhausted and unwell, especially from fatigue, worry, or suffering.”
Ha! Porsha refused to be interviewed about fucking BOLO. lol. Porsha totally fucked him. She is mad at Kenya for lying. AGAIN MY VERY GOOD SOURCE SAYS KENYA IS LYING ABOUT THIS ALL. Tanya did quit the show, though. Latoya is starting to mistrust Kenya. And somehow Kenya and Marlo are BBFs now? What is that about? I’m so confused.