It’s the final Southern Charm recap of the season and Madison seems to be causing all the drama. She has spent the last week denying that her “relationship” with Alex Rodriguez was “physical.” Specifically, she has never “met or touched” him. Meanwhile, the guys on the cast are hinting there was “Facetime sex.” This comes on the heels of situation with Jay Cutler. She sure does seem to be enjoying the attention. Hopefully, there will be more Kathryn and less Madison tonight. But the bigger question is if Danni will be allowed to speak at all.
Single And Ready To Pringle
But first, everyone has to run to the bathroom because all the guys are drinking beer. Then it is Pringle’s turn. Andy says that people think he looks like Peter Dinklage. And now I will never be able to unsee that because it is true. For some reason the guys are attacking Pringle for moving back to Charleston when his kids are on the west coast. Apparently, he is some sort of day trader that can work anywhere. Pringle says he has a lot of guilt about it. He says that his ex-wife is incredibly supportive. Pringle says they will never get back together.
Andy brings up Patricia trying to get Pringle and Madison together. Austen says that as soon as Madison secured her place on the show, Patricia was just fine with pawning her off to someone else. He also says that Patricia pays Madison a yearly salary. Wow. So much for making it on her own. That said, I’ve heard that Madison is booked out for months because so many fans want her to cut their hair. She says that Austen is just mad because the income she gets from Patricia is more than she makes in a year. Is that something to brag about? Being an overpriced shampoo girl? Pringle says he feels a bit duped by Patricia because she encouraged the conflict between him and Austen. Madison says Pringle recently told her that he was falling for her. Pringle denies it strongly.
More Madison Drama
Madison admits to having a complete mommy makeover with lipo, a belly button reconstruction, implants and God knows what else. Kathryn apparently goes to the same doctor. Madison denies that Austen has seen the results. Austen says he absolutely has. Craig chimes in with “along with the other three guys you have slept with this month.” Craig is totally wasted. And doing a lot of slut shaming. Craig says that Madison sleeps with multiple at a time and they all think they are in a relationship.
Do we really care about the Jay Cutler stuff? No. No we do not. Can we move on. Craig calls Madison a trashcan. Madison says the reason for her divorce was because she was “trying to build an empire” and he wanted to live day by day. I nearly spit out my coffee on that one. Madison calls Craig a crackhead. Leva has been almost as quiet as Danni. That’s nice. The guys think that Madison threatened Shep by saying she has been nothing but nice to him and would hate for that to change. I don’t see that as a threat. More of a warning. Leva on the other hand is threatening not too partner with Austen with his stupid beer line. That was indeed a threat.
Danni Opens Her Mouth!
After Madison belittles Austen’s success repeatedly, Danni jumps in to explain to her how difficult it is to get a craft beer in a major grocery chain. Apparently, Trop Hop or whatever it is called is selling out on in all the local grocery stores. Andy points out that Madison said on camera that she finds Austen working hard on his business super sexy. I was not a believe in this beer thing at first, but it does seem to be working out for him. Madison just can’t give him credit for anything. She tells Austen he lacks “big dick energy.” Well, Madison, you lack southern charm and basic manners. Austen says he didn’t watch the episodes until Shep made him right before the reunion. He said he was heartbroken because it was clear she never cared about him. Austen cries.
Finally, we get to Kathryn and Thomas filming a scene this season. She says that they lived together (not really, I think she was in the carriage house) for three months. Kathryn said they hooked up once in January. She did think about getting back with him. But now she is done with him. They mention that the girl he got pregnant was the wife of the guy who hung the sign on his house on the battery about Thomas being arrested for sex offenses. Then they bring up that Thomas is trying to take the kids away again. Thomas wants to move to Aiken with the baby mama and take the kids with him. She has not met the baby or the baby’s mother. Her kids have met Chleb. She has been with Chleb for six months and he is a great teammate.
Kathryn And Leva Go At It
Kathryn tries to explain how the whole monkey emoji scandal got started. Apparently, one of Kathryn’s friends was being bullied by the girl who received the monkey emoji. So when Kathryn found out, she went in on her. Then Leva interrupts. It seems that the woman who Kathryn claims was getting bullied and boycotted held a Trump boat parade in the middle of the pandemic. The person who Kathryn allegedly bullied was a BLM supporter who had a problem with that. Leva said that a whole group of women started bullying the BLM supporter in her DMs. Kathryn doesn’t want to talk about Trump. Andy says this explains why she used the term minority platform in her social media battle.
Kathryn says it was late at night and she had been drinking. Craig says using the term “minority platform” indicates that Kathryn knew the woman was black. Something she has denied several times. Kathryn is digging herself into a deeper whole here. Leva and Craig both say they are and were trying to help her out of the mess she got in. Danni even sticks up for Leva. And it is true that Leva did seem to try and help, she was just incredibly condescending about it. And Kathryn is also correct that Leva tried to isolate her from her friends, especially Danni. Leva says she gets death threats on social media for supporting Kathryn? Really?
Shut The Fuck Up
Pringle of all people is the one to point out that Leva’s catchphrase this season was literally telling everyone to shut the fuck up. Leva says she said that because if someone is not speaking about what matter (TO HER) and instead calls her a bully (SHE WAS) then that person needs to shut the fuck up. That’s pretty much the definition of a bully. Kathryn has a breakdown. She says she is ashamed and disappointed that people question whether or not she is racist. (She kind of is). Kathryn apologizes to Danni. Danni says that it hurt her that Kathryn told Leva that she didn’t have anyone. It seems that Danni has forgiven Kathryn.
Andy basically calls Leva out for the origin of expertise on racism in the south. Leva responds that there is racism all over the world. However, she was shocked to see all the confederate flags and statues in Charleston. Shep basically apologized for his ancestors owning slaves. By the way, I received an email recently from someone who says that there is nothing in Kathryn’s ancestry that connects her to Calhoun at all. I found that interesting if true. Kathryn says she thinks it is a great think that the Calhoun statue is down. She’s lying. But she is saying what everyone, especially Leva wants to hear. Austen is suddenly enlightened as well. Now Leva is crying about her fears about her husband and boys. That seems genuine.
Kathryn and Leva speak genuinely during the break and seem to make up. And just like that there are no more racists on the show. Leva apologies too. And they all lived happily ever after. /eyeroll emoji goes here.