MAFS Recap: Romance Or Regret?

This is the time when I wish we could just fast forward the the MAFS recap about the honeymoons. I have a feeling this is going to be a slow episode where Chris just says a whole lot more stupid shit that annoys us all. It seems as though his ex is going to pop up pregnant sooner or later. I saw Dr. Pepper on the chat show with Paige. I was thoroughly disgusted by her attempts to justify why this loser is on the show. Let’s just get started. I’ll probably have to stop and do Southern Charm at some point in this recap and get back to this later. In other news. MAFS Australia is back! I am excited but not prepared at all. I don’t even have names and photos yet so that might take me a while. So, I have coffee brewing for a long night. 🙂

Virginia & Erik

Erik is already besotted with Virginia. She seems happy as well. They cuddle and kiss in bed. There is just that pesky little drinking problem that Virginia seems to have. Maybe it was just all nerves from being on TV and getting married at first sight. At breakfast, Erik tells Virginia that she was previously married. He basically married her so that she could visit him on base when he was in the military. There was no wedding, not even a justice of the peace. They just signed a document. He never wore a ring. Everything they did was all new to him. He was married six years and has been divorced for three.

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Virginia’s father says that his first reaction was not a good one. He’s an over-protective dad. Erik shares that he has been married before. Surprisingly, is fine with it. Her dad seems like a good guy. He seems to know that Virginia parties too much. Erik’s mother, his niece and a family friend show up to meet Virginia. His mom wants children. Virginia says she is 50/50 on kids. Erik wants kids.

Later these two talk. Basically Erik says that he understands she is younger and still in the mood to go out a lot but all of that is behind him. Oh no! The couples are all going to Vegas this year for their honeymoons. This will not bode well for Virginia and her drinking. Has COVID happened yet? Why aren’t they going out of the country? Yep, COVID has begun and they all wore masks on the plane. Vegas seems like the last place people should go during a pandemic. In Vegas, Virginia is excited about the mini-bar.

Haley & Jacob

I’m really rooting for Jacob. I hope Haley gives him a chance. He’s super awkward and I hope that will be a little bit less of an issue after the nerves wear off. Jacob needs Virginia to stop hogging all the booze so he can have some. Jacob needs to talk less about his diet and exercise routine. Actually, he just needs to talk less.

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Jacob’s parents tell Haley that he has always been a loner. His teachers always said he was five going on 85. This is not helpful! His parents seem just like Jacob. Meanwhile, Jacob talks about how his house is a resort. He already told them all of this at the reception. Oh, Jacob. Please stop talking. They tell him not to let Haley get tired or hungry. Her dad says Haley makes a great steak. This is a point of agreement at least. Clearly, Jacob loves steak. Jacob’s conversation with Haley afterward was once again about red meat and his diet. Oh Jacob, I am starting to give up on you. Haley went to Vegas seven times last year? Who does that? Oh it was for work. I’m starting to feel almost as bad for Haley as I do for Paige.

Clara & Ryan

I love this couple. I really like that Ryan knows he is supposed to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. Also, the bed should be positioned so that it is the right side that is closest to the door. This is non-negotiable. Does Clara really want to take off her ring to sleep? Nope. The ring must stay on. Ryan also has the sense to blow out all the candles before going to sleep. He’s checking all my boxes. Clara walks and talks in her sleep. They argue (playfully) about movies the next morning. Both of Ryan’s parents are ministers and she hasn’t been to church since college. I think that will all work out though.

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At lunch with Ryan’s family, his mama is not onboard with Clara. Clara’s mother says that Clara has trouble dealing with conflict. She also says divorce is not an option. Ryan talks to Clara afterward about her ability to resolve conflict. Clara says she needs to work on patience.

Paige & Chris

Right away I am sad and angry that Paige got stuck with Chris. It’s just wrong of the “experts” to do this  for drama. Production makes it a point to show Paige finding a giant box of condoms that had been left for them. Please don’t let it be Paige that gets pregnant by this man! She should have already run. At this point, Paige is still optimistic. Paige slept in her headpiece? On the very first morning, Chris has gone missing. I don’t know why I am taking this so personally, but I am furious about this moron being on the show. He’s not answering the phone.

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Chris finally shows up and Paige has been waiting in the room this whole time. I would have left and gone out for breakfast. Then maybe gone shopping and let him wonder where I was. Chris claims that he had a panic attack. Paige is way too nice to this asshole. Then he tells her that his panic attack is because he is not attracted to her. Yet they had sex on their wedding night, and in the morning! AAt Paige’s meal with the family she tells them they had sex at night and in the morning and then Chris told her she wasn’t his type. She did not even get to the part about his disappearance all morning. His father’s advice was for her just to “ride it out.” I think she has ridden enough already. I think she needs to GET out.

Chris Needs Some Sort Of Mental Health Intervention

Later, Chris’s parents have a conversation with him. He lies to his dad saying he wasn’t planning on having sex with her. Chris is pissed that Paige shared with his parents about them having sex. His dad tells him that he wants to be sure that Chris doesn’t hurt Paige. The next scene we get is Chris CRYING. Oh for fucksake. Run, Paige, RUN! Once again, Paige tries to comfort him. He is upset that she told his parents about the rejection after having sex twice. He says he doesn’t like talking about sex in front of a bunch of people. This coming from the guy that asked her a million sex question on camera minutes after they were married.  Chris tells her basically that she is not allowed to talk about her marriage with her male friends.

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How is CHRIS even trying to play the victim here? Paige takes a time out to go get her hair done. Or more likely to wash that man right out of her hair. Chris sort of apologizes when she returns. She told him that she is pretty much over the whole situation. But she doesn’t want to give up this early. Chris peels off a ridiculous list of all of his good qualities that she hasn’t seen yet. Don’t hold your breath for that, Paige. Chris’s thoughts on going to Vegas is, “It can’t get any worse.” Oh, I feel like it actually can.

Brianna & Vincent

These two are another perfect match. They did a great job with these two. They are very affectionate already. I don’t think we saw much about their first morning, so we head straight to Brianna’s interrogation by his family. His friend says he works a lot. So she needs to be prepared for that. Brianna wonders what he is like when he gets mad or sad. His friends says he does get pretty mad at times. Vincent chats with Brianna’s family about his previous relationship. It ended because he works too much. This is a red flag. Vincent is studying for his real estate exams as a fall back occupation.

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When these two talk afterward, Vincent says that her mother was concerned about him protecting her daughter. Brianna took her ring off to put lotion on why? Brianna says that his parents said when he gets upset she needs to help calm him down. He denies that he has any anger problems. Sadly, right after they landed in Vegas, Vincent found out that his grandmother had a heart attack and is in the hospital. Brianna is very understanding about it.

Next week: Virginia just wants to drink. A LOT. It looks like Chris found out his ex is pregnant. Religion becomes an issue for Clara and Ryan. Erik says that guys and girls can never be friends.