Then For this week’s RHOD recap, we are back in Grapevine, Texas to continue Brandi’s surprise birthday trip. Is it just me or do none of these women like each other anymore? Kary is just an awful human being. Tiffany is self-obsessed. Kameron is doing her Kameron routine, which I love. D’Andra is focused on hating Kary. Stephanie is Switzerland. Or maybe she is friends with Brandi? This cast just doesn’t seem to be a cohesive group. Nevertheless, it’s time for episode 5. Will D’Andra still be parading around like a Parisian tour guide with Brandi’s head on a pike? Let’s find out.
Ugly Panties & Hurt Feelings
Are we really starting with “The Panty Game”? It appears we are. Everyone decorated a pair of panties and Brandi has to guess who brought which pair of panties. Are we twelve? This birthday party is reminding me of the horrors of baby showers. So glad I don’t have to do that anymore. No one likes Kary. Especially me. Kary doesn’t understand the concept of having a full-time job and raising twins. Kameron is not fond of Tiffany. Neither does Kary, but she doesn’t like anyone. Both of them feel like Tiffany judges them for doing the same things she does. Like encouraging people to do shots. Kary seems jealous that Tiffany is doctor. Kary then turns her shitty attitude toward D’Andra.
Brandi tries to squash things and tells everyone at the table that Tiffany has a very important and stressful job and doesn’t need the extra aggravation. So of course Kary pops off with, well my daughter is suicidal, isn’t that important too? Why is it that none of the housewives on any franchise understand what is and what is not acceptable conversation at the dinner table? D’Andra excuses herself to the restroom. Tiffany goes in to check on her. Meanwhile, Kary and Kameron take the opportunity to get rid of Brandi’s head on a pike. AKA, Captain Brandi. They hide it in the vineyard.
Showing Their Asses
aka production has arranged for a local bar to open for a private party. So after Stephanie locates Captain Brandi in the vineyard, they all head off to the local watering hole for pickle juice shots. Brandi decides to teach everyone some obscene dance moves. Tiffany is not particularly good at it. But the bartender, AJ joined in and that was cute. But really, this is like a teenager’s spring break party. These are grown ass women!
We find out fascinating things like before Tiffany married and took her husband’s last name, Moon, her maiden name was Sun. D’Andra tries to be nice to Kary, for reasons that I cannot comprehend. She asks about her daughter and why she didn’t tell her what was going on with her. Kary say that D’Andra never asks about what is going on in her life. D’Andra says that is not true. They argue about that. Everyone else does talking heads about D’Andra and they all agree with Kary. D’Andra only talks about herself. Kary whines about being poor because she only married rich. Brandi seems to be trashing D’Andra to Kary. Brandi never picks the right side. Then, Brandi and Kary stand out on the street with Brandi wearing a fake gray beard between her legs trying to get cars to honk. I can’t believe I even typed that sentence.
Next the ladies go drunk shopping. This never ends well. I bought some expensivish contact paper sort of thing to cover my kitchen counter tops. This was a very good idea but I will never be able to apply it properly. We shall see. And I accidentally hit the button twice so I have way too much of it. This store seems to be like an upscale Spencer’s (remember those, old people?) with weird novelty items and such. Then Stephanie starts spanking everyone with a charcuterie board. I take it back. Even young spring breakers are not this immature.
Brandi tells D’Andra that she needs to inquire more about Kary when they talk. Then it is time for dinner. Kameron’s friend Jenn asks if it is okay for her to pour her bottle of near beer in her wine glass because she stopped drinking. Then D’Andra talks about her cocaine usage in her 20s and going to rehab. I think I might need to start an etiquette school for housewives and explain what proper dinner conversation is all about. Cadavers, rehab, suicide, family dysfunction…these are topics that should be avoided. Loud arguments should be avoided. Jesus, none of these people can sing Happy Birthday on key.
Back In Dallas…
Kameron and her dog work out together on the treadmill. Kary hangs out with her daughter. And their conversation is about D’Andra. Apparently, D’Andra said at some point that she is the only one with a viable business. Sophie doesn’t want to talk about the divorce from her father. It’s a sensitive subject. This whole scene should not be on the show. This is a family matter.
Tiffany spends quality time with the kids. They are doing math and jigsaw puzzles. Because, Tiger Mom. She goes upstairs to talk to her husband about being overwhelmed by her job. She is worried that she isn’t spending enough time with the girls. Also, Tiffany feels like she is working too much. Tiffany is still trying to please her parents. She feels like she is not being a good mom. She wants to be more playful with her kids. Tiffany says she had a lonely childhood and she doesn’t want that for her kids. She wants to cut back on her hours. But, she is worried her mother will be disappointed with her.
Next time: More dog training, Stephanie’s new office, and D’Andra and Kary fight more.