I’m going to do a quick 90 Day Fiance recap or at least get one started. If I miss doing it on Monday then it becomes very late in the week or I forget. Stephanie is the cheesestick of this season. I’m probably going to ignore her for the most part. She’s acting like an helicopter mom and while she is old enough to be his mother, or his grand mother, she is not. She filling suitcases up with thousands of dollars of crap he doesn’t want and will probably sell. She’s also packing her mother’s engagement ring in case he wants to propose. But all she talks about his how much they are fighting and how they don’t trust each other. Please, production, let this be the last episode for these two.
Mike & Natalie
I think these two are just not compatible. They don’t share common values. Natalie can be very disrespectful to Mike. She’s either bossy or ending each sentence with the word, “love.” But it seems to be a new day. They are hugging it out. Mike’s mom is coming to meet Natalie. Natalie is worried because Mike’s mom knows all about their relationship. For some reason though, I really want them to work things out.
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Mike’s mom finally shows up to meet Natalie. She will be staying for a few days. Mike is a mama’s boy and immediately asks her what she brought him. They start joking around and Natalie struggles to follow the conversation. The mom wastes no time in asking when there will be grandbabies. Natalie explains that Mike hasn’t given the ring back. She says he is trying to keep her guessing. Mom asks if she was trying to keep him guessing when she threw it back at him. She also told Natalie about the bears that wander around Mikes house. This visit will not go well for Natalie.
Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing
All three go together to restaurant where is mom turns relationship counselor. Natalie tells his mom she knows she did wrong with the ring. Mike tells us that is the first time he’s heard her admit that. So that is progress. Natalie tells his mom that she wants her mother at her wedding. And if they don’t set a date, she can’t apply for a visa. Mike’s mom tells them to set the date so her mom can apply and if it doesn’t work out at least she tried. In Mike’s talking head, he agrees that having a date to work toward is a good idea. Trish tells us, she thinks they have too many differences for the marriage to work.
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The next morning Mike and Natalie agree that things went well the night before. They set up a wedding date for April, 3rd. I’m not really spoiled on this couple and I kind of prefer it that way. But they sure let us see her on the opening episode being sent back to The Ukraine. Allegedly. Mama get up and they tell her about the date. She says she is fine with not being married in the church because in her religion they both would have to be baptized and for Mike that would be a lie (and a sacrilege). So she is good with doing it anywhere. Conveniently, (production) Natalie gets a call right at that very moment to share with her mom. Mama Trish thinks this will never happen. She tells them to work at it. Natalie starts crying because she misses he mom. Mike comforts here. Even Trish cries. Mike is plenty nice when Mommy is there.
Brandon & Julia
Bless her heart. Julia is up with the chickens again. She needs to tell Brandon to move out with her, or she is leaving. His parents can’t expect him to live on the farm forever. And Brandon is afraid of his own shadow. I feel like we need to call (HYPOTHETICALLY PLEASE DON’T) APS on the guy. He is pushing 30 and clearly his balls have never dropped. There is surgery to help with that. One of my first graders had it. To quote the POTUS, COME ON, MAN! Julia calls her dad and he tells her Brandon needs to step up and fix things. That is not going to happen. It looks like Julia isn’t going to put up with it anymore.
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The next time we see Julia she is still covered in a cloud of hen shit and crying. She calls Brandon at work. Basically, she tells him she can’t take another second and she wants to leave now. Not tomorrow. NOW. She can’t take another day of feeding pigs and being all alone. Conveniently, the weirdo parents are nowhere to be found. WTF are they doing all day? She tells him that she hates him. His response, and I am not making this up is, “What’s wrong with taking care of a few cute animals?” Then she tells him she hates him again. And hangs up. Start packing Julia. Find some way to GTF out of there and go to a hotel. Then get daddy to fly your ass home.
The Reckoning
So Brandon comes back to the farm driving a very nice car. I don’t know much about cars but it looked like a nice one to me. Also, he works a 9-5 job and apparently his parents pay for him like he was 12. So this whole “can’t afford to get a place of their own is not going to work.” And seems like total bullshit to me. He parked in between two other nice cars at the house. Farmers are not poor. And especially as y’all keep telling me the allegedly breed dogs. So he needs to either shit or get off the pot. The parents can still be totally despicable people on TV if they want to even if this charade doesn’t play out. I just wonder how much of it Brandon is in on. Probably all of it.
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Oh he comes home and he is a dick. I would have already smacked his face. He suddenly can stand up to Julia. “I give you my life and you don’t give me your life,” Julia says. EXACTLY She gave everything up for him and he gives up nothing for her. I totally believe the mother just wanted to be on TV. So she and her husband played dick, dick, fuck, fuck with this young woman’s life and they are wasting her time. He says they will leave the farm and he will be the man she wants her to be. WHY NOT JUST BE A MAN? He says it is a big risk for him financially. UM HELLO ADULTING! And also that his relationship with his parents will never be the same. UM HELL ADULTING THE SEQUEL. Bought time those balls dropped.
Amira & Andrew
Amira is back in France after her terrifying couple of days in a Mexican detention center. Andrew is having the time of his life in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. The beaches look dirty in Puerta Vallarta. They seem very brown. Amira’s poor dad didn’t know what happened for three whole days. Amira tells her dad the story we have all been wanting to hear. She says her plane landed at 7:30pm and she was locked up within 30 minutes. They took her passport, her phone and her watch. After that, she never knew even what time it was. When she landed by in Europe they gave her some documents about her her detention. And the box they checked said the reason was no passport. Well, this is terrifying. And they put her passport in the same envelope. Maybe they meant no visa?
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Amira says she and Andrew have not communicated since she came back to France. That’s because he’s too busy enjoying the resort. Poor Amira is devastated by the whole situation. She wants to be with Andrew. WHY? He didn’t get you out of detention. He doesn’t seem to be concerned about whether or not you made it home. And he lives in a modest house with this mother that is also a daycare. This cannot be a real couple. No one leaves France for wherever the fuck he is. He dad tells her that Andrew is not a man and will never change. True. Meanwhile, it is nothing but massages and eating steaks for Andrew. And his conversation is highly insensitive. I have NO CLUE what Amira sees in this guy. He’s not kind, he’s not considerate, he’s not cute, he has zero compassion for what happened to her, he has no money to speak of. WTF does she see in this guy. He lives with this mother for fucksake! This has to be a joke.
Stephanie & Ryan
While I was looking for a few new photos for this recap on the Internet, I stumbled across a lot of stories about some rape allegations between these two. Apparently, Ryan has quiet the criminal history including once threating to slit his ex-girlfriend’s throat. Totally not blaming the victim but all the women on this show (and probably the men too) need to do a background check. It’s clear that production doesn’t do it. Stephanie ALLEGEDLY said (the source for all of this is IG and it appeared to be her IG but I didn’t really look into it that deeply. She is also claiming she got very sick for sandflies or something and that production is refusing to pay her medical bills. It’s a whole lot with these two.
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Stephanie arrives in Belize extremely overdressed, wearing a Covid mask with their photos on it. She is also carrying way too much stuff that she claims is very expensive in her suitcase. This is not how to travel alone. Especially as a single older woman. The goal is to be invisible. Okay I just saw her getting off the plane the whole incredibly ruffley top is paired with…wait for it…really short daisy dukes with lots of holes. The kid is standing there with roses and balloons and they run into each others arms and make out. Then, she starts giving him an entire suitcase full of expensive gifts. In his talking head he lets us know he would rather have the money. I told you he would sell all this stuff for a fraction of the price.
Even More Stephanie and Ryan…Le Sigh
This kid isn’t even cute. Oh she immediately makes him unlock his phone so she can go through it. Really? Surely he had deleted the side chicks. He lets her look and she is placated. He says he will remove the lock while she is here.
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Off they go dinner. Ryan orders drinks and the lobster. I wouldn’t do that with my richest friend. Stephanie thanks him for letting her go through his phone. I also would ask anyone to let me do that. If I was that concerned the relationship would be over either way. She mentions he has never let her do that before. Well, he’s had TEN MONTHS TO DESTROY THE EVIDENCE. He tells her he is trying to make amends. She asks him if he expected her to ask to see it. Then we get startled face, long delay, “no.” See she knows what she is dealing with, but she is lying to herself. They go back and forth over whether or not he thought she would ask to see his phone. He also knows she is on to him and he is trying to blow it off.
How Dumb Can You Be?
Last time I watched this I was taking the kid at his word. This time, admittedly after reading things online, it’s clear what is happening. Also, every time I pause to type and the photo is on the kid he looks…mean. Even though she literally admits that she doesn’t trust what she is saying, she gives him a family heirloom to hold in case he proposes to her? She can’t be this stupid! The kid immediately starts evaluating the ring for carat, clarity and cut. I’m not even kidding. Then he has a big grin. OMG. I forgot she slept with his cousin. That might have made him rape her her allegedly if her claims are true.
Yara & Jovi
Yara is pregnant. Spoiler alert, she and Jovi got married on Valentine’s Day in Los Vegas and recently the baby. I think it’s a girl. On the way to the airport I am worried that Yara is going to puke in the car. This is the second time this couple had been pregnant. The first time she had a miscarriage and had some issues with that and Jovi left her to to go work. It’s been a month since he left and now he is coming back. This would work well for me a husband who works on an oil boat every other month. I’m just saying, it’s pretty much all men, and we would be happy to see each other and still have time apart.
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Yara waits for Jovi for the airport and calls him to see where he is. He claims he is in the bathroom changing clothes. But um, she is by baggage pick up. WTF? It turns out he was at the bar at 8:30 in the morning getting a drink. I have a few things to say about this. And it might not be what you think. But I have traveled for long periods of time across continents and it reminds me of my flight from Paris to Romania. I’d slept most of the flight to Paris and was ready for breakfast. But it was a whole nuther day there and my flight to Romania they brought me wine that I didn’t even ask for, IN COUCH with like night time meals. I imagine that is where the “it’s five o’clock someone” thing started. Also, he just got off an oiler, if I understand correctly for 30 days.
That said, Yara is going to have a shit fit. So they are already fighting.
Stephanie thinks she looks younger than she actually does, and all those youthful clothes don’t hide thar fact. I don’t get what she sees in that guy, but a blind person could see why he strings her along as he does.
I was hoping Tara wasn’t actually pregnant, but it sounds like she is. And I’m with you. I’d like a hubby being gone for a month at a time, and I’m sure he makes pretty good money.
I’m hopeful Natalie really does leave. I just don’t see she and Mike working out long term.
I can’t help but think about how nice it would be for my husband to be gone every other month. I think I could handle it. Quarantining together is a bitch!
TT: ok this is the first time I’m going to disagree w you – I do believe Brandon’s balls dropped but his mom snipped them at exactly that moment and has them in a pickle jar next to the pig pen….. good grief what a weird family! 😘
I don’t know what Jovi’s occupation is but his bio says he works in underwater robotics. Sounds like he likes his occupation.
I think he works in the oil industry but I’m not sure. It’s something with oil and sounds very dangerous… I forget how it works at the moment.
Almost every one of these couples is unlikeable and it’s hard to root for them.
I can’t even watch the Stephanie segments. She crazy. He is evil. But just a young punk who can’t believe his luck having an old woman showering him with gifts and meals. Not sure I blame him. Plus he said he is getting to US one way or the other. If it’s on Stephanie’s dime, so be it.
I think Andrew is the most shockingly horrible excuse for a man that we’ve seen. He decided he need some “self care” after his fiance was in jail?????? I think he needs a serious ass kicking. I might give up on this show if Amira goes to the US to be with him.
How much does Mike look like his mother? Amazing. I don’t understand why he and Natalie are still together unless they are having normal relations off camera.
I hope Julia escapes from Brandon and his parents. He will never put her first.
I know in the past farmers would get exchange students just to have them do free labor on their farm in exchange for room and board. I’m sure things have changed with technology, but that’s what Julia’s situation reminds me of…I’m glad she finally stood her ground.
Andrew is a waste of space and I hope Amira comes to her senses.
Mike and Natalie are really awkward together. I’d like to watch their first season to see if it was always this bad between them.
Stephanie should just find a local guy. There are plenty of guys in their 20s who would be thrilled to be taken care of my an older woman. Or she could meet a guy her own age who would be likely more thrilled to be a kept man and would marry her since that seems to be her end goal. Lots of good looking slackers out there looking for a free ride.
Also marrying a sailor isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I met many through my job when I was in my 20s…many were married and not acting like it while in port. And I’m not saying all are like that, but many were.
TT, agreed. I loved it when my hubs used to travel for a week or two. Now? All day, everyday. meanwhile, I have never felt so strongly about this show as this season. These cannot be true stories. Stephanie treats Ryan like he’s her kid. She’s cringey and a mess and he wants a ticket to the states. Mike had some strange rash on his face during his first few talking heads. What was that? His mom is onto Natalie and I still think she is like glenn close from fatal attraction. Her moods go from super high and loving to super angry with name calling, evil stares, etc. Scary. And she admits she likes knives. I can’t with Amira. If she goes back to this asshole, then I can’t feel bad for her. He’s disgusting, selfish, fame whore-ish and ugly as shit. Why do these people think they are so hot?
Awesome recap! I loved when you said Stephanie is the cheesestick of this season! What a piece of work. I think the suggestion to start planning a wedding for Mike and Natalie so that her mom can start the visa application made good practical sense, but I fear it has given Natalie false hope. Of course everything seems false with her and Mom & Mike see right through her.
Julie and Brandon are in more of a bind than just him not standing up to the parents. The parents have made it clear that he stands to inherit the farm. He needs to make serious decisions about whether he wants it and if he wants it, what to do about Julia if she doesn’t. If that future comes true, would she be okay with living there if they hired someone else to do the work? I”m not sure she would. So is he okay with giving it up completely and forever when the time comes? It’s unfair of everyone to head off to work and leave her with all the chores if that is what is happening, but it would not be wrong after a few weeks to expect her to help alongside them if this is her future business/life. The parents are controlling jerks, but they might also have a point in having her do some work there. (Some work – not all the work.) Brandon has to do a lot more thinking or communicating with everyone to work this out.
I swear, if I were Julia I would be so tempted to outcrazy these crazies. I’d be sure to start following all their ever changing Draconian edicts, but completely f*ck it all up on purpose, while playing dumb like woopsy, I guess I didn’t understand…You want me up early, bitches, now I’m up at 3 am fully dressed banging two of your loudest pans together outside your doors. I thought you wanted to get everything done early…IT’S EARLY. You want me to get the eggs? I fed them to the pigs, woopsy, I thought it would be money saving? Wanted me to feed the goats? I released them into the hay barn so they could feed themselves and save time. Wanted me to groom the horses? I used your toothbrushes because I thought it would be more thorough and detailed to use something small. No clothes in the hot tub? I’m prancing through the house bareass all the way there, getting in, and doing the same back into the house. No towel so the fabric softener doesn’t get on my skin and into the water. You didn’t want us having sex in bed together, I’ll make sure we have it in the shower, LOUD. If you get mad, I’ll look baffled and point out you said no sex in a shared bedroom, I thought the shower was fine. I’d probably keep that up a week, maybe 10 days while secretly having booked a flight back to Russia and then quietly pack my stuff after calling an Uber and leave without word while they’re all away for the day. Julia, out.
Tha was glorious!
Great Answer! Julia needs to flee this mad house
Mike and Natalie is a huge “no” they are not going to work out. Mike doesn’t have to go to Russia to find crazy, he can find crazy in the USA. If seems to me that Natalie feels she is so pretty and intelligent and that she can manipulate Mike into doing whatever she wants him to do. Can you imagine being out for dinner and your husband/wife telling you not to use butter? I don’t know if butter help your brain or not, but regardless of that anyone would get tired of something monitoring everything they eat like they are a little child or the food police. Mike need to run as fast as he can from Natalie! I don’t blame Julia for not wanting to work on the farm, I didn’t want to work on my grandparents farm neither. Jovi and his Russian lady, I figure they will stay together now regardless especially since she is pregnant. 3 out 5 of the ladies involved are from Russia and the men can’t seem to get it together good enough to please of them. Complaints, complaints complaints. Amira needs to never leave home again, he is Mexico enjoying his vacation while she suffers, that is a “red flag” run girl run! Stephanie and her Belize guy, I agree, she just can’t be that dumb. A $3000 dollar watch, no way, no way, no way!!
I can’t stand Natalie, her disgust last season at him not believing in God tells me she will never be happy with him. You can’t talk someone into believing in god. And telling the mother she is weak and can’t press hard cutting the vegetables. What she meant is… “see how much skinnier I am than you”.
Jovi drinking at the airport…. a couple of years ago I landed in Munich after 28 hours of travel and my husband was stuck in a 3 hour traffic jam making him 2 hours late. I drank Prosecco and Pretzels from 7am until he arrived and I didn’t feel bad about it.
I like Julia, Brandon is frustrating. They happily accepted financial support from his parents for their travel and board, they can’t have thought there were no strings attached. I think that car was only a Nissan and I doubt he paid for it.
The French lady can only be in it to get Instagram followers to become an Influencer. I can’t remember exactly what she said but something about being French/Egyptian and not fitting in but that’s rubbish. She could go to Paris or another European city. That guy is a total loser and she shouldn’t have spoken to him again after what he did… but she answers the phone with “Hi Baby”. Something there is very fake.
It baffles me that Stephanie is literally throwing money down a black hole. Money she will never recoup. Yet, she’s upset that production won’t pay her flea bearing medical bills for a trip SHE chose to take. What is wrong with this lady? Somebody needs to save her from herself.
Hmmm, I think being alone when you are new to an area and don’t have family, friends, a job, or a driver’s license to get around would be a huge drag. And with a pregnancy on top of that, it would be rough.
I spent about 4 months alone when my husband was overseas for a job. This was before kids. Weekdays were no problem at all, since I work full time,
Go to the gym, etc. I didn’t miss him at all M-F. But weekends were tough. I was talking to the cat a lot.
I think one month away at a time is do-able if you have all the resources in place. She does not.
That’s a good point. Yara needs to try to make some local friends.
anyone else think this pic looks like a “puffy” Tamara Judge?? I don’t even watch this show just saw the pic.