Tonight, we return to a boat where Captain Lee is madder than a wet hen. We’ve literally never seen him this angry. In this Below Deck recap, I presume someone is going to have to go in and extradite Drunk Dolores from the sea where she apparently wants to feed peas to the fish and have Elizabeth swim out and serve her some bacon and another drink. I am pissed that this show has an extra fifteen minutes. So, I already can’t watch The Wall and this probably unnecessary fifteen minute means I have to pause at 10:15 to try and tape the last 45 minutes of The Weakest Link. I need my gameshows during these trying times. Get your shows done in an hour, Bravo.
Delores Watch & Smelly Crotch
Dolores managed to get her drunk as back on board. Captain Lee said to get her drunk ass in bed NOW! And went to his cabin, furious. I feel like in the morning he will calm down and either put Delores off the boat by herself, or let them finish charter. We shall see. Thank you Rachel for DILLIGAF. Does it look like I give a fuck? I plan to use that acronym with impunity. Captain Lee says someone needs to be on guard all night to keep Drunk Delores from deciding to take another swim. While everyone sets a schedule for night watch, James helps the incompetent Elizabeth do her job. Eddie and Francesca wake up the sleeping crew to tell them when their night watch shift will start.
Elizabeth and James seemingly have no idea what is going on so the go crawl in a bunk together and start fucking like rabbits. Izzy is on Delores Duty. She is relieved by Rob. Izzy has been sick for two days. And when she gets back to her bunk she finds them fucking in her bunk. So Izzy has to move to Ashling and Elizabeth’s bunk and crawls in Elizabeth’s bed. Then Elizabeth shows up and Izzy has to go back to her bed. She’s probably spreading her sickness everywhere. James is unrepentant.
Woman Overboard: Part Two
The next morning Captain Lee is still agitated and seems to be weighing his options about what to do. Hopefully, Rachel makes him French toast. This doesn’t seem like a Cheerios and banana morning to me. He calls Eddie, and Francesca to the bridge and tells them that Delores has got to go. He’s considering allowing the rest of them to stay. He calls up the primaries and they are very open to whatever Captain Lee decides. It’s decided everyone but Delores stays. Then Dolores thinks it would be funny to hop off the tinder. The second engineer, Zach radios Lee to let him know. What a moron. Is this production?
Eventually Dolores is deposited on shore with her luggage. The charter continues. Izzy got very little sleep and still feels like crap. Breakfast on the other hand looks amazing. It’s French toast day! Francesca is ready to just throw Elizabeth overboard. And while I don’t blame her, this isn’t the best time to stomp off and whine to Captain Lee. It’s never really a good time to whine to Captain Lee. She needs to handle her business. Her job is to keep trivial shit like this handled so Captain Lee doesn’t even know about it. Eddie decides to save Francesca and offers to let him intercede. Eddie is the new Kate, so that is probably wise.
Tensions Build On Deck
Things are tense on the deck because Izzy feels like shit, had to baby sit a grown ass woman over night, and when she finally got back to her bunk, James was fucking someone in it. She got no sleep, feels like crap and is fantasizing (I assume) of throwing his ass overboard. Eddie tells James that he is going to have to have a serious talk with him and Elizabeth about keeping work and pleasure separate. Actually, Eddie, you need to learn your place. Talk to James. Francesca will talk to Elizabeth. Meanwhile, Ashling and Rachel are the only ones ignoring the drama and doing their jobs. The new guy Rob is cute but… has he spent his entire life in a basement playing dungeons and dragons or something? He doesn’t know how to talk to women or men apparently. It’s like this is his first time in the world and he is overcome by the entire experience.
One of the female guests accidently clips a jet ski mirror. Eddie acts like a dick about it. Shit happens, Eddie. Dinner tonight is a seafood extravaganza. I would like that delivered immediately, please. I think we could all use an extravaganza this week. Ah… Captain Lee just called Francesca “kiddo.” That means he likes her. This is good news for her. He also agrees to have dinner with the guests again. Because, he doesn’t want to make them feel like idiots. I don’t think he is really fond of eating with the guests in general, but it comes with the territory.
The Moment Of Reckoning
Eddie and Francesca call a meeting with James and Elizabeth. The topic is stop fucking like rabbits when the charter guests are on board. And find a place to do it where it doesn’t effect your bunk mates. I’m just guessing. Eddie could give them plenty of tips on this since he would drag Rocky to the laundry room pretty much every night. And then he lied about it and covered it up. Because, asshole. #TeamRocky
It’s time for a seafood extravaganza! Captain Lee is not looking forward to dinner with the guests, but I think Rachel’s food will assuage him. Meanwhile, Izzy looks really ill. I’m starting to worry she has COVID. Am I being paranoid? I think I have it about every third day. Captain Lee is really happy with the seafood. A martini glass literally falls on a charter guest who didn’t touch it at all. I’m increasingly concerned that Izzy has COVID. No one is wearing masks on charter at this time. Eddie sends Izzy back to bed when she shows up on deck saying this is the worst she’s felt so far. It’s the last day and the guests will be off by noon. Captain Lee says to isolate Izzy in a guest room once the guests leave. He says there is no COVID on the islands.
Another Successful Charter, More or Less
Finally, it what seems like the longest recap ever due to some tech issues with photos, we get the dam charter guests off the boat. The interior has to sterilize everything because she is sick and stick her in a guest bedroom to rest. I never realized how incredibly short Eddie is until I saw James standing by him asking for permission to take Elizabeth on a date. He doesn’t need Eddie’s permission. What he does on short leave is his business. The tip was 16,790 dollars. $1,400 each. It sounds like Delores didn’t kick in her share.
Captain Lee gives everyone the day off. They have a sponsored day at a local resort. Elizabeth and James go on their first date. Things you should not say on a first date in the era of emojis, “Oh look, they have eggplant parmesan! My Favorite!” Or maybe that’s a good opening remark these days who know. Meanwhile, back onboard, the rest of the crew is playing truth or dare and Eddie is on deck bleating like a goat. He’s not very good at it. Kate Chastain needs to give him a lesson. Back on the date, Elizabeth is spilling all of her childhood traumas, or at least eluding to them. The date is so boring they are back super quick with like one minute of filming. Who was that masturbating? Izzy?
A Much Deserved Day Off
The crew, minus Izzy heads off to the resort. If I didn’t think Izzy had COVID, I’d say that sitting out in the sun and sleeping on the beach would do her good. Ah! I typed this during the commercial and when the show comes back Izzy says she wants to go and just lay out. Eddie is fine with that. I really don’t think it is up to him. But okay. Rachel woke up wasted. I just took extra milk thistle in her honor.
Rachel drinks two drinks at a time She is in crazyland again. She isn’t a fun drunk. Not because she is so bizarre but because she attracts way too much attention. And she ends the drunk by being hateful and rude to everyone. Oh Lord. Rachel gets up on stage and grabs the mike asking for some “fucking dirty ass music.” Francesca tries to get her off the stage. Eddie bails. He’s literally no help. We end the show with the interior still trying to coax her off the stage. It’s an embarrassment to the boat. This will not go over well with Captain Lee and I am sure Eddie will run straight to him with it. Yeah, it is right there in the preview. And he has Francesca as his sidekick.