BREAKING NEWS! MONIQUE HAS REPORTED SHE HAS QUIT THE SHOW. It’s not worth the damage to her family.
Finally, tonight it is the last RHOP recap of the season. Have we ever had three and a half hours of reunion fights before this? Tonight, Chris Samuels arrives on set loaded for bear and seeking vengeance. I’m still struggling with tummy issues and dehydration, so I’m having a nice big salty bowl of Campbell’s Chicken Won Ton soup with a side of electrolyte water. I already forgot how horrible Andy is being as the moderator of this reunion. Why the hell would Monique still be emotional a full year after the fight. Would he ask a guy that? Rumor has it that Monique is coming back for season six. I have not confirmed with my source, but Monique said it on social media. I am sick this back and forth. And Andy making smartass comments to Monique is just in poor taste.
The Husbands (Well, Some of Them) Come Out On Stage
Oh come on Monique. Fake crying is Candiace’s gig. Then Monique gives a heartfelt apology to Candiace. Candiace basically says it is too little too late. And Monique’s new song Drag Queens is about dragging Candiace. I’ve decided Andy is high. He thinks everything is funny. Andy actually insults Monique’s lawyer. Karen has to answer for “riding the fence” regarding the Monique and Candiace. Are we not going to get back to the binder ever? The binder is the star of this reunion. Candiace accuses Karen of trying to get her fired. Karen apparently reported a private text from Candiace to Bravo and stated it was threatening. Candiace is still crying. Karen says she asked Bravo for psychological help for Candiace.
Finally it’s time to bring out the men. Michael, Juan and Pastor Holy Whore are not in attendance. Chris Samuels blows off Andy’s question about the Michael Jordan series. He says he was busy watching lies about his family. Chris Bassett sold his restaurant just in the nick of time. They love being in their new house. Eddie looks good. He is still estranged from his family. Ray loves Karen. Gizelle has hired another “security guard” to protect herself from Chris Samuels. Chris could snap that “security guard” in half. He apologized for his angry remarks toward the women who were “plotting on his child.” The green-eyed bandits come for Chris and won’t let him speak. He stands up and Gizelle wants her “security guard” to make him sit down. WTF?
Gizelle admits that she brought up the trainer rumors on camera. We see the footage of her talking about the child’s parentage. Yet she is still somehow denying that she brought it up. She says Chris brought it up when he asked her if she thought the baby looked like him. Apparently, both scenes ended up on the cutting room floor. We did not need ninety minutes of this. It’s time to pretend like Juan and Robyn are going to get married again.
Robyn says she wants a small destination wedding. They are building their new house. Robyn says that her hat sales are great. Everyone likes the caps because they are silk lined to protect their hair. Robyn says she didn’t think Karen was really supportive of her business. Robyn says that the hat that Karen modeled didn’t sell well so she didn’t bring it back. Ashley says Michael didn’t think Juan would propose because he was happy with their current situation. Chris Samuels again accuses Robyn of spreading rumors that he is not his son’s father. This is something his son will question when he learns about it at a later age. Chris Samuels walks off the stage. He says he is playing chess not checkers. He returns quickly.
The Husbands Take Things Down A notch
The conversation turns to Michael. Candiace calls him a creep. Michael is always a big topic of conversation even when he is not there. Ashley and Michael made up after the big fight and went on vacation in the Bahamas the next day. Andy asks the Chrises if they think their wives can ever reconcile. Chris Bassett says that is a decision for Candiace to make. What he wants is to have his wife back. He says that Candiace has never been the same since the incident. Isn’t that a good thing? Candiace blots her eyes with her little triangle napkin again. Ray announces he wants vow renewal on their 25th anniversary. This is news to Karen and she is thrilled. Karen cries.
The tears are contagious. Chris Samuels of all people starts to cry as he talks about how strong Monique has been this season. Andy looks moved by the emotion. Gizelle mutters about fake tears and dramatics. Chris says he forgives Gizelle because hurt people hurt people. And with that, the husbands are dismissed. The two Chrises hug it out backstage. Gizelle says she talked to Jamal during the breaks. I think they are probably done if any of this was even real. Candiace just keeps dabbing her eyes. Unfortunately, this whole group is probably coming back. Karen says that this can be a new beginning and time to move forward for all of them. And with that they all slither off stage. Literally.