Oh hey! I was up all night drinking wine and arguing about politics on Twitter and just woke up for the day as Below Deck is ending. Ooops. I missed the Saturn and Venus thing, seeing what superpowers everyone got, and Below Deck. I’m trying to stop stressing about my sleep schedule and just rolling with it to see if that would get me back on track and well, so far that is not working. I also went begging for clean underpants. Because wine. And um, I kind of need clean underpants. And yes. Yes I am losing my marbles. So let’s get on this Below Deck Recap a couple of hours late. I warn you I am sleep recapping this.
Eat My Cooter
Oh, okay, I am trying to wake up now. I forgot that were left off with Rachel bailing on the trip. Let’s see if we got her back yet. Our hero, Captain Lee is working on the issue four hours before the guests arrive. At least Captain Lee’s cracked ribs seem to be doing better. Rob shows up to be the new deckhand. He seems smarter than paper straw guy already. So that is one problem solved. Then Rachel shows back up to beg for her job. Captain Lee has no options. So…Sheeee’s baaaaaaaack!
Rob is hot with a fascinating back story full of pirates and hookers. Elizabeth is still dragging ass as “second stew.” And the charter guests from hell have arrived. Oh look! Joe Biden is talking to us Georgians. We seem to have the weight of the country on our shoulders at this point. Anyway, the guests are straight out of central casting. And they are all over the top gays. Now everything makes sense. I love them already. They seem really happy already. They are going to be pussy cats. I love how they keep repping Whispering Angel rose. Someone in Beverly Hills must be fuming…
Miss Rona Makes Her Presence Known
Okay, I am almost awake now which means I’ll be up until noon again. Eddie cracks me up with his spot on Trump impression. The guests are going to be my favorites ever. They have named their giant unicorn floaties. That is really all they need. And booze. Elizabeth needs to focus on her job and ignore James. Her job depends on it. Oh the crazy clothes on these guests. It’s Mardi Gras night. Rachel is cooking her ass off to redeem herself. Cracking up at the “Hercules!” hand claps about dinner. This is my favorite episode ever. I hate that I slept through it. Dinner ends with a king cake. Rachel is a fucking rock star.
Francesca continues to stir the pot with her stews. She’s pissed that the Mardi Gras decorations are still up. Rachel continues to suck up to Captain Lee. French toast will do the trick. Good bye Cheerios, hello apology breakfasts. Of course nothing can go perfectly. The slide isn’t going up properly. Captain Lee wants to be superman and hang off the boat with cracked ribs to grab a line. I bet his bride whacked him upside the head when she saw this. 🙂 But he does save the day. And set his ribs back another week.
I Can Handle My Own Clam
It looks like Rachel is going to give of the Low Country Boil we didn’t get on Southern Charm this week. Anyone can do a low country boil. The important part is the spice mix. She keeps calling it a “country boil.” Close enough for a yankee I guess. She has put out an eight course dinner of Michelin star quality and yet a low country boil seems to be concerning her. Rob tries to flirt with the stews but his game is super weak. Did I just hear that Rachel is putting clams in the low country boil? That’s kind of sacreligious.
I don’t see the lemons in there. Or corn. Or the billions of shrimp. I’m sure this will be delicious, but it is not a low country boil. There were whole lobsters! I’m not saying it isn’t fantastic. It’s not a low country boil, it’s a high end seafood feast! Next up is a beach bonfire. This is the best charter ever on Below Deck. Gays, rosé all day, bonfires, Maine lobsters, it’s perfect. So of course we need to make Elizabeth look like an idiot again. She brought just one bottle of rosé to the beach? That’s enough for me alone on the tinder ride over! Elizabeth continues to fail.
The Devil You Know…
Captain Lee lets the stews still on the boat play on the slide. Rachel continues to worm her way into Captain Lee’s heart through his stomach. It’s working. I mean I think she can probably get whatever she wants from people with her cooking skills. Francesca and Captain Lee talk about replacing Elizabeth.
He says sometimes the devil you know is better than a random draw. Next week, Rachel has an even more challenging menu to put out. I have every confidence in her. Sorry for the delay tonight. I just can’t get my days and night straight. My plan to stop stressing about it and just go with it failed miserably.