I honestly feel like this is the THIRD fucking finale I have recapped this season. It just seems Sofa King long! I am so over these women and their drama. And yet, we have a three episode finale. Argh. I haven’t watched the previews so I have no clue what they will be bitching about tonight. And your comments and opinions have gotten incrementally less and less with every episode. Okay, RHOA is done and it took forever because it was a new season. I’m exhausted because Banjo is acting like a damn fool tonight. Let’s do this.
By the way, It’s been a busy couple of days here. The Candiace stans showed up in droves and let’s just say they are exactly like Nene bots. I’m sure there will be another influx over this RHOP recap. Oh well.
It’s Christmas Time In Potomac!
Oooh! Have we ever had Christmastime in Potomac before? Now I am a bit more excited! Robyn and Juan are having a holiday party. In other words, Bravo has paid for the season finale party where Juan can propose to Robyn. Legal says Monique can’t be there. So that means we get Monique and at TV counselor. Monique says she feels isolated from the other women. I am zoning out during this counseling section and thought to myself, “Thank God tomorrow is Saturday!” Um. Reality is hard.
I actually like seeing Ashley and Michael celebrating their kid’s five month birthday. I know I am the only one. And I don’t care. 😛 I also love that Michael trashes Candiace. The topic moves on the the finale party and Ashley tells Michael she is expecting Juan to propose. Michael says he has solid information that Juan is not going to propose. Michael has always been sort of
obsessed with friends with Juan.
Karen & Ray & Robyn & Juan
I am not seeing any actual Christmas in any of the houses other than Gizelle’s. No snow. No lights. I think we have been played. 🙁 Anyway, Karen is getting ready to go to Florida to shoot on HSN. She will be hawking her toilet water. 🙂 But first she tells Ray that she is irritated with Candiace who claims she was trying to set her up at the Snatch the Wig event. Because, let’s be honest, she has been busted for that. Oh wait. I am not sure of production’s receipts actually do not incriminate Karen. She invited Monique at 4 and Candiace a 6:30. So technically she did invited both of them to come early but at very different times.
Then we have to suffer through even more TV therapy with Robyn and Juan. These two seem no way near ready to get married again. Juan says that he was lonely (apparently on the road playing for the NBA) so he sought out other women for romance and attention. What swell guy. Meanwhile Robyn was home raising two boys under three. Remember when Juan was kinda hot?
It’s Party Time!
I just had to stop to go look for a picture of Robyn at the Christmas party. I love her holiday dress and her normal hair! She may not be going to have a good time, but she looks good for a change. It was a Pita because this laptop sucks, but I finally got one. Y’all Candiace is warming up in the car to “sing” one of “her songs” at the party. Ain’t nobody gonna tell this little girl she cannot sing? Juan and Robyn’s parents are there. Gizelle explains that Jamal was needed in Atlanta “in the pulpit” tonight. Is that what the kids are calling it now? Michael points out that if Jamal wants to get back with Gizelle he needs to make time for her. The green eyed bandits act like he’d said something horrible.
Then, Karen texts that there was a mechanical issue on her plane and the flight was delayed so she may not make it. She’ll keep them updated. Robyn says that Karen just doesn’t want to get grilled about the wig party invitations. Ashley tells Gizelle that Michael said there would be no proposal. Gizelle goes to get Michael and drags him over to their table. She wants to know what is going on with Juan. Michael says that he and Juan have a special relationship. Gizelle just wants the tea. Michael doesn’t spill a thing. Gizelle goes to grab Juan. She should have just done that in the first place.
Juan Proposes To Robyn
As Juan is trying to propose, Wendy who has known Robyn for five whole minutes, and some other women start screaming and thrashing around like possessed people. Who does that? Thank you Gizelle. Gizelle has to come in and physically restrain Wendy to keep her off of Robyn. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Most. Bizarre.Proposal.Ever. Michael dashes over to Juan and starts talking about a bachelor party in Vegas for just the two of them. This episode is insane. Meanwhile the RHONJ “pour one out for their homie, Karen.” Most of them hate Karen. And now the owner of this establishment where five women have deliberately poured drinks on the floor hates them.
Gizelle starts trashing Karen to … Is that Charrissee? Meanwhile Ray and Karen have pulled up outside. The other girls are shocked to see them. I love Karen’s talking head about the event as a hole. She said, “This is a Robyn moment. She don’t get a lotta moments. Not a lot at all.” LOL. Then she gives some sort of bullshit story about mechanical problems on the plane. I would have believed her if she had left it at that. But, he long version was total bullshit. Now her timetable for the wig shift party is breaking down too. She is making no sense. How does she seem drunker than the drunk party attendees? There is about to be a wig shift for real.
ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
All the RHOP start screaming incoherently and we shift over to the men. Michael says to a couple that some guy is the second best man to Juan. That guy is probably Juan’s best friend. The Michael randomly declares he is not gay. I’m not following this conversation any better. Back to the screaming women. Karen says, “The truth will come out.” This sets off the little hoodlum child who starts screaming at Karen telling her she was there! AND SHE SAW THE TRUTH!
Michael is drunkenly walking around observing this and walks up to Candiace’s husband and tells him his wife is out of control (again) and he needs to control her. Chris tells Michael to get the fuck out of his face. Michael touches Chris on the shoulder and says, “You need to listen to what I am saying.” Chris jumps up and starts pushing Michael. Michael has bought hands in the air. One hand is holding a drink. Production jumps in to pull Chris off. Michael says, “You’re going down you fucking idiot.”
Ashley jumps up to check on her husband. He was Chris was pushing him. Ashley goes toward Chris screaming at him about saying Monique has no self control and now he is pushing people around. Juan jumps in to restrain Michael who claims he is filing suit against Chris. Candiace is apparently threatening to attack Michael. Michael says he is calling his lawyer and they are going to jail. Michael tries to break away from Juan, who is trying to save his drunk ass. Ashley is there screaming in his face to get himself together. Security removes Chris and Candiace to the curb.
Karen and Ray leave. On the way out Karen hugs Candiace and tells her they should probably go home too. Michael wants to take his mic off and have Ashley take hers off and party. That would have been fine until he drunkenly stormed the production area. And when he was told he could not be there, he got mouthy. Then he got thrown out into the rain by ALL the samn security in the building and was last seen storming down the sidewalk in the pouring rain shouting into his phone. Ashley was furious.
The next day Ashley and Michael went on a family vacation to the Bahamas. They are now expecting their second child and say their relationship is stronger than ever.
Karen and Ray continue to work on their marriage. She refuses to cut back on work or to move to Florida.
Candiace and Chris want to breed. But Candiace doesn’t want an Aquarius baby because they are crazy. Her mother is Aquarius.
Juan and Robyn are still “planning to” buy a nice house in the DMV. Eventually they want an island destination wedding.
Jamal and Gizelle continue their phone relationship.
Monique does an interview about the charges. As we know charges were dropped on both filings because they saw the footage and deemed it “mutual combat.” Monique says, “You don’t get to send me to jail for dragging your ass when you asked for me to drag it.” Then Monique laughs. Monique has written a song about he situation called Drag Queens. /giggle Candace did a whole “this is not fair type interview with production, her fake tears, and her folded napkin.