On we go to episode three of RHOSLC. On my first RHOSLC recaps, I had a different expectation of this show based on my investigation of their social media for this post. And then, right away on the night of the first episode, we discovered ALL OF THIS GOSSIP ABOUT MARY. And things just got weirder from there. Then on last week’s episode, Jen continued to be unlikeable. And middle school girl mean girls started to form. Tonight, Jen wants to be Regina George in this group and it’s all very juvenile. And just plain weird. Meanwhile, Lisa seems to think she is Mariah Carey when it comes to Heather and keeps saying, “I don’t know her” when clearly she does. So let’s see what the mean girls are up to this week!
We start with Heather, one of the more likeable ones, and she is having a baby shower for five of her employees from her beauty bar who are all pregnant with boys. You can’t tell me these women actually wear strappy stilettos in a snowstorm. I will never believe this is real. Some of the girls come over to help Heather get the decorations together for the little motorized land rovers or whatever they bought for the babies.
Heather talks to the girls about her divorce and how devastated she was after eleven years of marriage. She really wasn’t into to him. She married him because he was Mormon and she wanted the perfect Mormon family. Heather wanted to stay married no matter what. Because, Mormon. She tells the producers she has never been in love. Her friends tell her that she is empowering her daughters by showing them you don’t have to stay in a miserable marriage.
Jen Is A Big Vat Of Attention Suckage
Meredith is happy that her two kids are home with her for the holidays. Jen is feeling lonely and needs camera time. She really is an attention whore. Jen is making Meredith’s gay son, Brooks, feels uncomfortable by threatening to flash her vagina in order to demonstrate what high kicks are. The kid says her vagina was in his face. It wasn’t. But she did do an entire monologue or two about her vagina. Later he tells his mother that Jen made him and his sister uncomfortable with her behavior and they saw parts of her they never want to see again. Brooks says that Jen is not to come for a sleepover on Chloe’s last night there.
Lisa’s “good mommy teaching her son how to drive” scene is markedly less endearing after her behavior on the last episode. She’s awful. She’s also terrible at teaching her kid how to drive. She also has some sort of diet coke addiction.
Mary Talks About Her Marriage To PeePaw
Mary goes to lunch with one of the brunettes. I’m going to guess it is Meredith. I’m so distracted by Mary’s really bad wig to focus on the other person. It looks like a child got ahold of it and started cutting large hunks of it down to one inch from the scalp. She looks ridiculous. And her conversation is about her 17 year old son who has a girlfriend and is not into hanging out with her crazy ass anymore. Mary talks about taking her son all over the world for his birthday. She should have saved some of her congregations tithings for a decent wig.
Mary says that her mother wanted the church because she is all about the money. Really now. She has gotten tens of thousands of dollars of plastic surgery and skin bleaching with the churches money, allegedly. Not to mention all the vacations, allegedly. She is the one announced the labels of the clothes she is wearing everytime she walks into a room. And now she is inviting Meredith to come to church with her and Whitney and her father this week. Oh, Lord. Mary talks to Peepaw about changing Robert Jr.’s school to a boarding school to get him away from his girlfriend. He’s 17. He has to be a senior. This seems contrived. He has no interest in going to boarding school.
And We Are Off To The Cult
Oh Jesus, here we go. Whitney and her dad haven’t been to church in ten years. This one is going to be a shocker. This is not a Mormon church. Meredith is there with her friend Jeff. Mary is the worst actress ever to be on a TV. Then Mary goes all Ernest Angley and “heals” Meredith’s father. Ernest Angley is 99 years old and still kicking. Clearly, Jesus is in no hurry to bring him home… or maybe the devil doesn’t want him either.
From one stupidity to the other, we move over to Jen Shah in her rented for filming “chalet.” She’s surrounded by her assistants, who rumor has it are just people she knows that agreed to play a role on TV. This show should have been called the Real Housewives of Salt Lake Charlatans. Jen is mad that Meredith cancelled her sleepover because her daughter is home from college. This is just the most pathetic thing ever. What grown woman has to have sleepovers because her husband apparently can’t bear to be home with her?
A Baby Shower & A Prohibition Party
It’s an all white baby shower. Heather may be throwing it, but she’s not really excited for the pregnant guests. She thinks they don’t know what they are getting into. While the expectant ladies and their husbands play stupid baby shower games, Heather and Jen and Whitney talk about the prohibition party. Jen is furious that mary was invited to the party. She hates Mary and she wants everyone else to hate her too. Jen looks hideous in her talking heads. Whitney says that she took her dad to Mary’s church. Then she finds out that Meredith went to Mary’s church too. Jen is freaking out. You can’t be friends with Jen and with Mary. Jen says to pick a side.
We barely make it to Whitney’s roaring twenties party on this episode. It will probably be the main event next week. Why are there stripper poles at the 1920s party? Whitney is chastising others for not being dressed for the party but she all about the strippers. Jen has her cousin or whoever this poor dude is that is carrying her train. She’s so over the top. Jen has a fit when she Meredith chatting up Mary at the party. Next week Jen loses her everloving mind at the public party. Because, Jen.