It’s time for another RHOP Recap! Next week is the season finale. But tonight, there is a “dominatrix party’ and Ashley reveals that she has written a statement on behalf of Monique about what a hot head, shit stirrer with violent tendencies that Candiace is. OMG! My computer is suddenly able to right click again! It’s like Christmas in November! RHOP ratings have been AWFUL this season. Most weeks they don’t even hit a million viewers! Last week was the highest rating of the season with 1.11 million total views. Yikes! I thought it was a fairly decent season. I think Bravo is going to have to come up with something beside just eleventy billion housewives franchises.
A Civilized Day On A Housewives Trip? Wow.
We are still in beautiful Portugal. Why are the green eyed bandits acting like Ashley would want any sort of relationship with Candiace. Why would anyone want anything to do with Candiace? Today the ladies are off to a natural spring! YAY! I’ve never heard of a natural spring in an ocean. It’s beautiful though. Ashley is pumping while drinking a beer in public. I could do without Candiace’s ass clapping and singing. For real. Candiace is not feeling Karen anymore. Karen and Ray seem to be doing better based on their phone conversation.
It’s time for a housewives dinner. I bet the sea bass is delicious in Portugal. Apparently, Robyn sends naked photos to Juan. So, Candiace took topless photos at the dinner table to send to Chris. Everyone actually gets along at dinner! That’s because Candiace doesn’t know about Ashley’s letter to the court in support of Monique yet! This was the most civilized dinner in housewives history!
Ladies Who Lunch… And Crack The Whip?
Later the ladies take a ride in the side cars of motorcycles to a Poncha farm? I think I could skip that trip. I’m really not sure what this drink is. Oh apparently, it is a fruity rum drink. I’ll have what they are having! While they enjoy their drinks, Robyn announces her website is live. And everyone is on it…except for Karen. That’s mean. I thought Karen’s photos really showed off the hats! It’s the last night in Portugal. So clearly that means a Dominatrix party tonight. Because, huh? But first they go to lunch by the pool. Karen announces she has a wig line. And of course she is going to have a kickoff party.
This dominatrix party is ridiculous. Like totally ridiculous. But the food looks amazing. The chef must be as disturbed by this as I am. Who wants to sit around with their female friends and play with dildos and whips. I really don’t need to know who often these women masturbate. Seriously. This is just disturbing. Ashley tells stories about having a three way and then transitions into telling Candiace she wrote a letter about her character to support Monique. Candiace is pissed and Wendy also comes for Ashley. Wendy hasn’t mentioned her degrees this entire episode. Candiace alternates from fake crying to cursing at Candiace. Karen tries to play the victim. Karen says she is neutral. Candiace dries her nonexistent tears.
The ladies take some extra food to their rooms. Candiace calls her husband from the room. And Ashley calls Michael. Both husbands talk trash about the other woman. Chris says that Monique talked a lot of trash about Ashley. Next week, Monique returns for the finale.