How about a short The Bachelorette recap for both of you who watch this show with me? It’s a slow TV night. We start tonight with a group date! OMG! It’s Ashley I and Jared! And Ashley is NOT crying! It’s a school setting looking to crown a “Grown Ass Man.” They are asked basically fourth grade math and spelling questions. Bennett knows he is the smartest guy in the room, because he went to Harvard. Then he misses all the questions. That has to be production, right? Next they have to do a ridiculous tug of war type thing. Bennett claimed a medical condition to get out of that. The third part was making breakfast in bed for Tayshia. Ed loses and is declared a Man Child. Somehow, Bennett won the Grown Ass Man award.
Chasen tells Tayshia he has never been in love. That would be a red flag for me. The other guys hate Chasen. I think he is one of the new guys. I hate how Tayshia asks everyone why they are single. She asks it all the time. Ben and Tayshia makeout. Then she makes out with the next guy. Ed told Tayshia that Chasen is just there for social media followers. Chasen gets very aggro with Ed after Tayshia talks to Chasen about his reasons for being there. Young Ivan got the first impression rose. Ben was heartbroken. She sort of acted like it was his.
The Rose Ceremony
So the set up is that Chasen is going home. But that will never happen. He’s the new villian that makes us all scream at the TV wanting him gone. And as expected, Chasen got the final rose. Three guys went home. Tayshia tells us that she thinks Chasen is a good guy deep down. If you have to tack “deep down” onto the end of that phrase, that’s a problem. Noah’s mustache bothers me.
The next day Ed and Chasen are on the same group date. So of course it is a one on one wrestling match. Chasen has been working out all morning. Ed is more of the mental sort of guy. This is going to be painful to watch because you know they will match those two up. Chasen looks like an actual wrestler in the practice rounds. OMG. There is going to be a live audience. And it is a literal cage match. Ed suddenly has a medical reason why he can’t wrestle right before the match. Oh Ed. Noah, who was not on the group day, but was watching, offers to wrestle Chasen. It was a hard fight they will both be feeling the next day. The judges gave the match to Chasen and somehow, that meant he was the champion of the entire thing and won the date with Tayshia. Sigh.
The After Party
But first, it looks like the group date continues with an afterparty. Chris tries to send Noah back to the house since he was not on the date. But Tayshia invited him anyway. That pissed off the other guys of course. And Noah was the first person Tayshia chose to speak with. Or you know, makeout with. Tayshia convinces Noah to shave his mustache. Thank the Lord. Meanwhile Tayshia goes back to making out with literally everyone. Noah is cute without the mustache! Ben didn’t get any time with Tayshia. Noah got the group date rose, on a group date he was not even on.
Will anyone admit to watching this show with me?