Clearly I picked the wrong day to get up at a semi-reasonable hour. Ten pm recaps are hard. I need this not to be on after RHOC. RHOC is not a good lead in anyway. I’d much rather do my RHOSLC recaps on Wednesday at 8. Also, before we get started, I got a very long post from Reddit or somewhere today about Mary. Mary is the one who married her step grandfather shortly after her grandmother died. According to a former member of one of the temples. According to that source Mary and the grandfather left one temple to start their own. This person said it was like a cult and Mary and her grandfather claim themselves to be God personified. And the congregation gives them all of their money. So this just got a bit more interesting.
Meet The Housewives
What was Mary’s tagline. Some like “I love God but I will (unintelligible) the scripture.” So far I like Jen and her family. They are Muslim. Then we move on to Heather. She has three daughters. She married a very rich man. The divorced five years ago. She seems kind of quirky. I think she is still Mormon. Next, we meet Heather and her husband Seth and their youngest son Brooks who is 21. They are Jewish and from Chicago. They head off for a family hike. Also, they have two other kids in their 20s. It seems like they actually do live Chicago.
Then we met Lisa and her family. She is Jewish by birth but Mormon by choice. She is married to Jon and they have two sons, Jack (15) and Henry (7). They own lots of Tequila companies. They seem to live on fast food. And everyone gets to go through whatever drive thru they want and eat in the car. Moving on we already have our first housewives wedding! Whitney is marrying her boss who she met at work when both were already married. Actually, this is a vow renewal. The have both been excommunicated from the Mormon church.
Happy Birthday To You
Jen has a male personal assistant named Stuart. They are planning a big birthday party for Meredith’s birthday. Meredith and Lisa look an awfully lot alike to me. Oh it’s not just me, it seems everyone thinks they look alike. Lisa shows up and seems very snobby when talking to the other two. Meanwhile, I think it is Whitney who is meeting up with Mary the alleged cult leader. Mary is a nutcase. Oh, we get to see the cult temple. She’s not Mormon but Pentecostal. And crazy as a bessy bug. Mary is not friends with Jen. I’m bored. Can we get to the party?
When isn’t talking about herself in the third person, she is stirring the pot. Heather claims she has know Lisa for 20 years since they were in college and they are very close. Lisa says she doesn’t even remember Heather from college other than she was a “good time girl.” So of course Jen just can’t wait to report this news back to Heather.
You Smell Like Hospital
The party “for Meredith” was really for Jen. There are Tongan dancers and topless male waiters. Jen confronts Mary about saying she smelled like hospital while she was taking care of her aunt in the hospital. Mary said she almost died twice getting her sweat glands removed from her body. And she is very sensitive to the smell. Can you even live without your sweat glands? All I can think about is that long note I got about Mary today and how she wears designer clothes to church and mocks the congregation for wearing “dresses from Ross” when they are literally paying for all her designer clothes.
Jen calls her friend over to also confront Mary about saying Jen smelled like hospital. That got heated very quickly. Jen storms off into another room and slams the door and starts screaming, “Bitch don’t bleeping disrespct my bleeping family….”
To Be Continued…. But must we really continue, this episode was already too long.