Alright here we go with what I pray is the last episode of this shit show. I pray that there is no part three of this. This is hopefully my last Below Deck Med recap of the season. We all know that Sandy and Malia are both back for the next season in Croatia. Is it wrong to hope that they all fall overboard and have to be replaced mid season?
We begin with Andy informing Hannah that her vape pen is a THC pen not a CBD pen. Hannah points out that either cartridge can be used in the pen. They are interchangeable. Leave Hannah alone. I think we would all need to be medicated to be stuck on a boat with Sandy and Malia. Bugsy says that it was obviously THC. Then Jess says that she had a THC pen too after Rob outs her for it. Wow. Rob is an asshole. Sandy says that it is “so illegal.” Jess says she didn’t know. Malia says it is in their contract. Shut up Malia. Then Jess says what she had was actually CBD.
Hannah Has Receipts.
She has a letter from her doctor who prescribed the medication. Bravo puts up a statement that says that production received proof of the prescription 12 hours after she left the boat. Hannah says that the prescription was on the back of the box. Malia says you can buy valium over the counter in Spain. So it wasn’t illegal then you idiot! Also, the prescription was on the box which was in English, not Spanish. I am so sick of this discussion. You got her fired, Malia. You win. Captain Sandy if full of shit. You can cross international borders with your prescribed medications you fucktard! Can we PLEASE MOVE ON?!!!
Alex clearly feels like I do. He seems all the way over this conversation. Malia now says they can’t take Advil PM at night either. Rob is ready to just shut down his laptop. I feel you Rob. My brain hurts. Andy is over it too. He literally bangs his head on a table. I am slamming beers. This is just dreadful. A viewer asks if any of the crew think that the plan to replace Hannah and Kiko was made before the ship ever sailed. OF COURSE IT WAS. We all know this. But the bitch squad and the clueless deckhands don’t believe it. Rob says that Jess had a weed pen. Then, Andy let’s Hannah go back to her perfect life. Thank God. Can we move on?
Aesha & Tom Join The Scene
Of course now that I am trying to eat my dinner (turkey pot pie) we finally change the damn subject. Now that Hannah is gone, perhaps Sandy will just SHUT THE FUCK UP! I love that Malia finds out that Tom had been cheating on her with his ex shortly after this happened. Malia and Tom are both awful people. Sandy of course laps at Tom’s asshole. There were a lot of questions about Malia having to coddle Tom when she should have been doing her job. Malia sort of regrets inviting Tom on the boat due to all the social media backlash. Then, a viewer question points out that Tom doesn’t follow Malia on Instagram. That’s probably because the ex he was two timing Malia with wouldn’t like it.
If I end up going to hell in the afterlife, I feel like I will have to do nothing but recap Below Deck for all of eternity. I really need to work on redeeming my soul before that happens. Tom’s answer is clearly a lie and Malia’s face says it all. He basically says he takes breaks from social media because everyone calls him out on his assholery. Tom says he is getting death threats on social media. Please. They don’t even know if they are still together.
Rob & Jess
Finally, a new topic! What exactly went down in Bali and why did they ultimately break up? It seems the Bali trip went fairly well. Jess says that she would love to dish all the dirty laundry because it might deescalate the backlash she is getting online. Everyone thinks she is a nutcase and the breakup is all her fault. She implies that there is a lot we don’t know but doesn’t really tell us what went on. Jess admits that they moved to fast in the relationship. Jess says that Rob was in fact not in an open relationship and she found that out after they left Bali. She apparently talked to the ex girlfriend.
Rob says that he doesn’t regret not going on the crossing. He said the trip to Bali was a trip he will never forget. And he loved Jess. Rob says that the reason the whole boat knew he was thinking of doing the crossing before Jess knew was because he was seeking opinions to help him decide what to do. Rob has no regrets. Jess still thinks that Aesha was very inappropriate. Aesha says she is shocked that her hand on Rob’s butt was such a huge deal. Rob sticks up for Jess and says she is not really a jealous person. Poor Alex. He looks so over all of this. Jess said that Rob sent Aesha a DM asking if she had taken any big cock lately and how did she like it? Aesha pretends like she she didn’t get the DM. Jess said it was on Facebook and she responded to it. BOOM! Busted! Rob admits sending it.
Let’s Wrap Up This Below Deck Med Recap!
Aesha has a boyfriend now. He is someone she went to high school with. Bugsy is really into Alex now. This causes Alex to wake up from his nap. She waxed is back? Is that a euphemism? They close out with highs and lows of the season. Malia at least says that her low was “everything that happened with Hannah.” Alex says his low was the drama on the boat. Alex says the whole experience was a blast. THANK YOU GOD THIS SEASON IS OVER!
Oh Yay! Below Deck is back in the Caribbean! It looks so good!