Anyone Watching The Bachelorette Tonight?

I don’t usually recap The Bachelorette but there is nothing to recap tonight so I thought I’d do a post. Clare Crawley will head back to the Bachelor mansion as she embarks on a new journey to find true love, when The Bachelorette returns for its sizzling 16th season. Clare had women across America cheering from their living rooms when she famously stood up to controversial Bachelor Juan Pablo during the memorable 18th season finale of The Bachelor. With her head held high, Clare left the season with a new sense of self-worth and a determination to never settle for anything less than the unconditional love and respect that she deserved.

After Juan Pablo, Clare decided to give love another chance on Bachelor in Paradise,” seasons one and two, but ultimately left both alone. She returned for Bachelor Winter Games,” and it was there that she met Benoit, the charming romantic with the French accent from The Bachelorette Canada. Benoit showed Clare the romance she longed for, and when he got down on one knee to propose, Clare thought she had finally found her happily ever after. Unfortunately, over time they came to the realization that marriage wasn’t in the cards for them, however, the two remain friends to this day.

The tea is that Clare fell in love very early on (probably with whoever she gives the first rose to tonight) and she bailed on the show really early and they decided to run off into the sunset together and bail on the show! Production was pissed. Chris Harrison was irate, and eventually they just brought in a replacement for Clare. So this should be interesting.

Finally, 45 minutes in, We Meet The Bachelors

Wow! She falls for Dale right away. Is that who she left with? He’s cuter on TV and very tall. It sure looks like it. And we even get to see Chris telling the guys that Clare has left! Then we back to to Clare getting the call that she is going to be The Bachelorette. Clare is a hot mess and that insures that this season is going to be awesome. It’s my Love Island replacement. Stupid pretty people hooking up on national TV. Eventually, the show takes over a La Quinta resort in Palm Springs to quarantine everyone for testing.

I hate all of this backstory with the guys. Just get them in the house and let’s get on with the season! Apparently, the Covid test they took was brutal. But it seems they all passed and are ready to enter the house. Finally, it is time for Clare to meet the men. Jordan M. Is extremely tall and sweet. Why is this guy pregnant? Oh I guess Clare pretended to be pregnant on Pablo’s season. Are these suits from central casting? Are flood pants with no socks back in style? Tyler C. from West ByGod Virginia arrived in a station wagon. It was cute. Sort of. Then Bennett arrives in a Rolls Royce a tuxedo with a white scarf. #obnoxious

And Then Dale Arrived And Clare Is Ready For The Wedding

AJ is weird. He was really nervous. We seem to be blowing through the second half of the group really quickly. Eazy, the NFL player seems really sweet. Well, he was sweet before he got in the house. He’s a little bit harsh. That pink suit was a bit on the tight side soon. One of the guys showed up in a straight jacket and I’m not so sure it was a joke. Then we have a full suit of armor, his name is Chason. He’s a bit odd.  The Bachelorette seemed to be running out of patience for all the crazy entrances. And then Brandon arrived and he was the first to kiss her on the cheek! She liked that.

And then came Dale. And everyone else can just go home now. I’m not sure why because he didn’t really have a smooth delivery. He repeated himself and kind of stammered. But I feel like this is the one. As soon as he went in said she said, “I knew it. I definitely feel like I just met my husband.” If you know you know I guess. Chris comes to check in with her and she tells him she felt confident with the other guys but when Dale came everything went black around her and she can’t even remember what she said to him. She says she felt everything she never felt before. She is sure. Chris said The Bachelorettes in the past have never had such an immediate reaction.

The Bachelorette’s First Cocktail Party Is Busy

On to another group of guys. No one interesting in the last group. They should have just turned around. Damn there are 31 of them. One guy out of 31 pulls her away from the group right away. I don’t know the names yet. Clare is going to get dragged for her open desperation to find a man. But I remember 39 and single very well. And 49 and single. I admire her for not giving up hope. She meets with Eazy who is great with her. And then Dale. They bond over being separated from family in assisted living facilities during the quarantine. They are both empaths. These two are meant to be.

Okay, Chris comes in with the first impression rose and the idiot in the straight jacket is still in the straight jacket. WTF? So many guys think they have a shot at the first impression rose. Poor saps. This game is over. Clare talks to a guy named Yosef, a medical salesman from Alabama. He is assuring her that he is “there for the right reasons.” If you have to say that on night one, there is a problem. Sure enough one of the other guys, Tyler C. the lawyer from West Virginia,  is waiting to tell Clare some tea he has on Yosef. Apparently, Yosef is sliding into Tyler C’s friends DMs on Instagram and is not there for the right reasons. Yosef says that he has no memory of that.

Clare Mediates Her First Drama With The Bachelors

Yosef goes running to Clare and sets up Tyler C to be the villain. So Clare runs off to grab Tyler C for the first sit down argument between two of the bachelors. Apparently, the DMing between Yosef and Tyler’s friend happened in quarantine. Tyler explains that Yosef was sending suggestive videos to his friend during quarantine. The other guys are all pissed that they haven’t had time with her at all yet. Clare shuts it down goes to get other guys to talk to. One of the guys, Blake, contacted Clare in quarantine against the rules. She really appreciated it. That was her first kiss! Blake’s heart is going to be crushed.

Clare pulls Dale for the first impression rose. After Dale gets over his nerves, they make out for a bit. Some of these guys, like Tyler C. cute as he is, are way too young for her. She should eliminate tonight by age. Just get rid of the youngest 15 or however many she is sending home. And the final rose is Yosef. He’s the villain of the season. And the young Tyler C. gets dinged for trying to warn her. That is usually how it works. We all need one to hate and right now it is Yosef.