Despite the fact that NO ONE READS my MAFS Recaps, I shall soldier on. It is important that I continue to cast pearls before swine if there is any hope of getting you guys off the Bravo teat. It is my personal mission. So let’s get through another two hour episode where the pandemic comes to New Orleans.
This is all so crazy. 2020 is just beyond anything we have been through. I know we say every year things will be better. But really, how much worse can things get? DON’T ANSWER THAT. And please vote. Early voting starts here next week. I am worried about being able to stand in line for hours. But I’m going to give it a shot. Before heading to the polls, ask yourself, “Am I better off now than I was four years ago?” and then VOTE! Please VOTE!
This episode, there is no production. The couples are documenting their own journey with handheld cameras. And the semi-permanently installed ones are still there. It looks like things get bad. Quarantine is hell y’all. I manage to get in fights with my dog! As I got further into this recap, it seems like they are PAST decision day. They were in quarantine and have not been able to film so they are it appears two weeks past decision day at this time.
Bennett & Amelia
While Bennett goes out for a walk, Amelia decides to give herself a BIG HAIRCUT. See? This is bad already. True confession. I have to talk myself out of cutting all my hair off several times a week. This is some weird chick thing that happens when you are freaking the fuck out. Don’t believe me? Ask Brittany Spears. Amelia cuts off about 8-10 inches. It’s now just above her shoulders. I does look cute. But these two are very close. They are like peas and carrots. And “falling in love more everyday.”
Then while they were doing a cute little spa thing with cucumbers and popcorn (because, these two), Amelia gets a text. She reads it and says, “Oh, I matched! I’m doing my residency in Virginia.” She says it like she is telling him the time of day. He says “Oh good!” And now I feel like things are less than perfect. 🙁 It has been over ten weeks they have been together. Amelia has been volunteering at a homeless shelter. She says Bennett has been great and supportive. They do disagree about when to have babies.
They are not sure if he is going to Richmond with her. Bennett tells Pastor Cal that he needs to get a real job if they are going to have kids. The move to Richmond is a big obstacle for them. Long distance? will Bennett move? Bennett says he will split time between Richmond and NOLA and Amelia is good with that. Please don’t tell me if these two have spilt. I need this to work for my own selfish reasons. I NEED A HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Amani & Woody
Woody snores like a freight train. Amani got Woody a gift for each one of his senses. She is ready to tell him that she loves him. She’s afraid, but very much in love. Then, two weeks later, she goes through his DMs and there are a lot of females in there. Later we discover it is Day 75 of marriage and Day 42 of lockdown! WOW! Black Love, y’all. This is just as perfect as Amelia and Bennett. Maybe moreso. They are in LOVE. I love this couple. This is going to make me cry! They love each other. They argue but it is always resolved. The DM situation turned out to be nothing. The only thing they are slightly off about is WHEN to have kids. He wants them now and she wants to wait a bit.
Woody talked to Pastor Cal and when he asked what the down side is he basically says there isn’t one. I know this can’t last forever, but I sure as hell hope it does. These two are A PERFECT MATCH. Woody is such a good man. Woody says he would never leave her. Later Woody tells Amani he wants a Scorpio baby. These two are probably already pregnant. I expect an announcement at the reunion if we ever get to have one. Amani says she will give him a Scorpio baby if she can get a puppy. 🙂 I love these two. But Amani needs to tell Woody NO HELL NO on those tiny braids. They are awful. But otherwise, he is perfect and so is she. These too make me want to cry tears of happiness even more than Amelia and Bennett.
Christina & Henry
Henry is now a frontline worker in the ICU. Wow. He also celebrated his 35th birthday and a friend sent him a cake. It looks like one of those fancy one’s that cost a hundred dollars. All his friends and family have been sending well wishes. Christina completely forgot and somehow didn’t seem to notice. Henry says he isn’t upset by it ( I think he is) and says if the shoe were on the other foot, she would have lost her mind. I agree. The night before, Christina “went for a walk” that lasted until 3 am. WTF? She didn’t respond to his texts. But she posted on Instagram that she was out with friends.
Christina is still attention seeking Christina and Henry is still emotionally stunted Henry and this is not going well. This is just a mismatched. She is anal retentive and he is… on the spectrum or something we don’t know about. I feel like he has or needs to have some sort of diagnosis. But Christina is also just a bitch in general. Henry meets with Pastor Cal. Henry says he has felt a discerning pattern of dishonesty. For example, she is basically homeless and lied about it. Then she lied about going “on a walk” and went out and didn’t come home until 3 am. Henry has not confronted her because he doesn’t like confrontation.
WHOA WHAT? At the very end of the episode, Henry tells us that Christina accused him of sleeping with another MAN. I do not believe that for a minute. I think that is just Christina feeling rejected and striking out in the most HORRIBLE of ways. She says he took to long to go shopping during quarantine and that is when it happens. Um ANYONE WOULD WANT TO BE GONE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE IF THEY LIVED WITH HER!
Will There Be A Confrontation?
Pastor Cal wants Henry to confront Christina about her lies. But Henry doesn’t seem well equipped for that. Will he do it anyway? And he DOES! You go, Henry! When he confronts her about not living where she told him ON CAMERA that she lived she says she never said that. The she deflects by crying. Henry doesn’t respond well to emotion. Somehow that got her off the hook from her lies. She storms off without explaining anything.
Karen & Miles
Miles acts like he is filming Real House Husbands of New Orleans. Karen is also a first responder who works in hospital as an administrator. Miles is being hit hard by his depression. I get it. Karen doesn’t. She comes home from work exhausted mentally and physically and has no bandwidth left to support him. Plus, it seems she doesn’t really understands depression. That’s not her fault. Lots of people don’t get it.
Karen talks to Dr. Pepper alone. Dr. Pepper points out how Karen sort of mocks Miles for having “feminine traits.” She says if she were a man that would be very hurtful. Karen says she was just being honest and try to get an idea if he could be that “masculine figure” she needs. Look.
It’s OKAY For Karen To Want A Manlier Man!
I have never been married though I could have been many times. And this relationship reminds me of a man who desperately wanted to marry me that I was a bit cruel to. Especially during the the final breakup when I told him that I felt like he was gay. I have pretty good gaydar, and I love my imaginary gay husband. But I don’t want a real life gay husband. I’d like a straight man. So I can’t fault Karen for feeling this way even thought Miles is um… MILES more on the hetero spectrum than the person I am speaking of.
Miles feels like she is not putting in the effort. And she isn’t. She’s just not that into him as a husband even though she likes him as a person. And that is okay. She should have the man she wants. This is just not a good match. You can’t match Miles to someone who wants traditional gender roles. I feel less judgmental toward Karen at this point even about the depression thing. And I have depression. Some women want a 50/50 relationship. Some women want to run the relationship and some of us want the man to lead decisively and not let us know if they are questioning their decisions. I love Miles. But he is not the one for Karen, or me. And Karen is not the one for Miles. They have had no sex and no intimacy.
Olivia & Brett
Olivia like so many of the other couples is also a first responder who goes to the hospital every day in her capacity as nurse practitioner leaving Brett at home alone. They seem to be doing well at first. Brett gets annoyed that Olivia gets on her phone when they watch movies together. Olivia seems to be doing all the laundry and household chores. Brett has gone to his house several times and can’t figure out why Olivia isn’t coming over to discuss moving in there together. Oh they are already past decision day! We seem to have missed a lot in between.
Olivia talks to Dr. Pepper online and she tells Olivia that Brett was nervous for Olivia to drive off to see her family during the pandemic. I can understand that. As a nurse practitioner, HOW DOES SHE NOT GET THAT? He asked her not to go and she went anyway. I would have left for my house too! Maybe I am projecting here, but it seems that Olivia is clinging to a bad relationship. Pastor Cal lets us know they have been quarantined for six weeks when he talks to Brett. WOW. Brett tries to think his moving home was about the cats.
Brett is pissed that Olivia is traveling to see her mother. So he moves back into his house while she is gone. When she comes back he has moved out and taken all the food. She says when she left they were on good terms and wanted him to go with her. However, he said that someone had to take care of the cats. Did he take them both to his house? Later, these two talk and Brett says he is out. SHOCKER (not) he was never in.
Next Time: Quarantine is lifted enough for a couples retreat and y’all know that is when shit goes down. I can’t wait and only wish you all were watching this. It’s a great show. And I will continue to try to make you watch it until the end. And I CANNOT WAIT for the next episode.