It’s time for a 90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After Recap! Sorry I watched part one of the Tell All without you. Now that Big Brother and Love Island are not on Sundays anymore I should be about to recap the last two episodes in real time. And I might even get to RHOP tonight! Wonders never cease. I am going to be a bit slower in my recaps because I’ve got some eye strain from working online so much lately (the boring technical stuff that makes you have to wait to get checked in and talking to tech help and such) so I have to take breaks or my eyeballs may roll out of my head. 🙂 I wonder if we will see Asuelu tonight? That whole situation last week was crazy.
Asuelu & Kalani
I forgot that Asuelu did come back at the end of part one. So, we are starting with him. We saw most of this at the end of the last episode. Asuelu tells his mother she hurt him by trashing his kids and his wife. And dumbass Tammy has to keep butting in to the conversation telling Asuelu not to tell her mom what to do. Asuelu lets Tammy know that he doesn’t care if she is his mom or not, she needs to respect his wife and his kids. And while he is crying a little, this is the manliest thing I have ever seen Asuelu do.
Tammy threatens to kick the ass of every female on the show. Angela takes the bait more than anyone and goes in on Tammy. And while she is at it she says that Kalani’s dad needs to beat Asuelu’s ass and give him a reality check and teach him how to be a man. Finally, Tammy’s mom steps in to tell her to STFU. Asuelu’s mom apologizes him and she is suddenly the nicest person in the world saying all the right things. Kalani eating popcorn is hysterical. I just realized that I watched the 15 minute tease of all of this and that’s why it is so familiar. The bottom line is Asuelu is going to lose his wife and kids to play volleyball. This is the part where I was wondering if he would come back. He left the whole damn house. And blocked her on his phone.
OOOOHHHH! I am living for this 90 Day The Other Way Preview. It’s my favorite! Stop teasing me! Oh good God, they are moving it to Sunday! NOOOOOO! This is my favorite show and I have Bravo crap on Sundays!
Colt & Jess & Vanessa & Larissa
How does Colt pull so much pussy? Debbie keeps saying that Colt never slept with Vanessa. But Colt says he did. lol. Debbie keeps answering Colt’s questions. Colt says he did in fact sleep with Vanessa while he was with Jess. Larissa and Jess are so furious. Why are there three women fighting on national TV about this unattractive mama’s boy with the personality of a dishrag? Apparently, he has golden dool or something! Larissa screams at Vanessa that she ruined her marriage. Let me pause for a moment to put up Larissa’s mugshot above. Perhaps the two or three times Larissa was arrested for assaulting Colt was part of the problem?
I am so bored with this group. Can we please move on? I do love how Vanessa says Colt is a horrible boyfriend. Vanessa gets mad and storms off. This is so ridiculous. Are all of these people just making crap up for TV time? Also, can some please come take these peanuts away from me before I make myself sick? Should I watch this Family Chantel show? It looks good but I think I have heard y’all make fun of it before. Anyway, back to the catfights over Colt. During the break, Colt and Jess and of course Mommy Dearest are the only ones on camera with no host. Colt says he is trying to be a better person.
Tania & Syngin
Syngin has a fulltime job waiting tables at the moment. These two are still fighting because Syngin doesn’t like to plan for the future and Tania does. They are trying to survive quarantine just like the rest of us. They have a two bedroom apartment and sometimes they take advantage of that space. Syngin says they garden and play board games sometimes. Tania says that being together 24/7 has escalated the meanness in their arguing. How is that even possible. Andrei chimes in to say that Tania shouldn’t pick on Syngin so much.
These two continue to be unsure if they should even be together. Tania says that the problem is Syngin’s drinking. Something happened recently and Tania won’t even discuss it because whatever Syngin did is too embarrassing. Syngin could not get a work visa because of his drinking in South Africa. Colt asks Syngin if he would give up drinking to save his marriage. Syngin’s friends Skype in from South Africa and basically insult Tania. Clearly, Tania is way more into this relationship than Syngin. Syngin says that if they had not gotten married they would have already broken up. They have been together for 2.5 years.
Angela & Michael
Everyone is asked about sex during quarantine and these too are stuck with just Facetime sex now. But then we hear that they once had sex 38 times in TWO WEEKS. Ouch.
Then it’s on to the ridiculous “toting a baby” conversation. Angela says if they have a surrogate, she will have to live with them. Then Angela says she will have to worry about Michael getting an erection from looking at her. Okay, this is just ridiculous talk. Michael says to let him get there first and worry about it then. Angela wants to use Skyla’s egg and have her tote it too! Problem solved. Except Skyla has told them no umpteen times. Skyla is skeptical about Michael. She thinks Angela is just talking crap and doesn’t want a baby. Sidenote: Not sure if that was a really close gunshot or if something just blew up. #GhettoLife
Then, out of nowhere, Angela starts to wonder if Michael wants the baby as an anchor baby to keep him in the US if things don’t work out with Angela. Oh, good point. This irritates Michael. He ultimately walks off. Oh! The finale is tomorrow! That could be a problem. Speaking of problems, Michael’s Aunt Lydia comes on to let everyone know that Michael needs to have an heir. She makes it sound like it’s a requirement, not a choice. Tania offers Angela one of her eggs. Aunt Lydia begs Skyla for an egg. I am so over this topic. Wait, did Michael just suggest he save the IVF money and just knock up another woman? Tomorrow night should be interesting…