It feels like I have writing Below Deck Med recaps for all of quarantine. It feels like the longest season ever. And it’s time to watch this hot mess of a season for you so you don’t have to. You’re welcome. I’m starving so this might be late.
We start with Tom making Aesha cry over The Great Cucumber Incident. Aesha goes to cry to Bugsy about Tom being an asshole. Tom complains to Malia who seems quite accustomed to placating his moods. Sandy wanders aimlessly through the kitchen for her 37th cup of coffee and Tom doesn’t acknowledge her at all.
Tom Has Anger Issues
Because the crew lost a frisbee game or something on the beach they have to wear speedos during dinner service. The table scape has panties everywhere. Who wants to each dinner with people’s underwear all over the place? Then the primary is half an hour later for dinner. This stressed out Tom again. Malia volunteers the stew to do all the dishes so Tom can go to bed. All his emotional outbursts have apparently worn him out. Meanwhile, Jess and Rob appear to be having sex right on the deck. And they are smoking. Malia shuts them down during their after sex cigarette.
Malia’s mom is in Spain and apparently is going to meet Tom for the first time. But first the crew gets their tip! The primary raved about the service and then gave them no tip! Only a gift card for his restaurant in Malibu. What the actual fuck? Is this a joke? And it is. He had the tip in his pants. At the tip meeting, Sandy has a few words for Tom. It’s rather inappropriate to basically discipline an employee in public. The tip was $20K.
Jess Finally Gets Laid
All of the crew except for Jess and Rob go out on the town. Jess has convinced Bugsy to let her and Rob sleep in the guest cabin for the night. I just realized we haven’t seen Pete AT ALL in the last few episodes. How do they even do that? Oh and just as soon as I mention him we get a glimpse of him at the dining table. He’s next to Aesha but half the time it is just an empty chair. Back on the boat, we are treated to Jess’s sex noises. It’s like a porno.
The next day, the entire galley goes to shit. The fish was delivered at room temperature. There is food everywhere. And once again Tom is having a fit. He expects Malia and everyone else to do his job for him. Sandy calls Malia out of the kitchen and tells he to quit saving them. Malia says if he doesn’t get some help he is going to walk. Sandy doesn’t care. Next week, the tantrums continue. And Jess continues to jealous of Aesha.