Let’s try to pop out this MAFS recap real quick because I want to know what is going on this week. I think Karen is going to be a Karen and break Miles heart, but I hope I am wrong. Mostly, I just need my time with Amelia and Bennett. And as always, I wish my Bravoholics could get off the teat and move on to better shows. This is way better than any of the housewives shows. Mainly, because every season is a first season for the brides and grooms so it is much more authentic.
Christina & Henry
We return to Gotham Lofts on Day 21 of married life. And for most of the couples, it hasn’t been easy. Last time Christina told Henry that the reason she is such a bitch is because she is off of her ADD meds. I’m not sure that is the whole reason, but Henry hasn’t yet disclosed what his physical or mental health issues are yet, and something is going on with him.
Amani & Woody
I’m going to need Amani to stop changing her hair up every week. Everybody knows I have no facial recognition skills? And Woody and Miles remind be of the Brits on MDLLA. I know one of them has a beard, but I can’t remember which one it is. On this show, I think Woody has the bigger beard. Also, I am pretty sure this couple has had sex. Why is Amani suddenly not into his flirtations? Oh now I get it. Woody is an early morning person. I’d have to divorce him immediately. Though he does cook breakfast.
Covid has started in NOLA and Amani says hand sanitizer is on reorder but nobody is buying soap. I felt the same way. People are stupid. These to argue about spanking the kids the don’t have on day 21 of their relationship. Woody is for it, Amani is not. Girl really needed to keep those long braids. I think these two are another great couple. The other three? Probably not going to happen.
Christina & Henry
Apparently, Christina is still off her meds because she is complaining about how Henry folds his towels. I wish I could get her here to clean even one room of my house. I need to date a guy with ADD for a bit. Though my messiness would drive anyone insane. But, bless Henry’s heart. He quickly learns her preferred towel folding method.
At the end of the episode, these two have to ask each other deep questions from the “experts.” As usual Christina says that she doesn’t like it with Henry kind of clams up and she has to take control of the situation. Girl, your husband is not a Dom or even an alpha and you can’t turn him in to one.
Amelia & Bennett
These two are settling into married life like they have been in love for twenty years. She bakes heart shaped break while he hangs up a disco bead curtain. They have taped random photos and posters on the wall in the kitchen. Bennett wants to divide up the chores in some sort of NFL draft. He’s neat and and she’s… not so neat. Is this their first issue? The draft is just as cute as you would expect. There are eight cleaning tasks and eight “speculative tasks.” In the latter category, Amelia chooses “difficult phone calls” first and Bennett’s choice was “interloping animals.”
I really which I had someone to deal with interloping animals and mopping and sweeping. I avoid all of those things at all cost. I’d also like someone to handle broken toilets. Because you know that caulking around the bottom of your toilet where it meet the floor? Apparently, sometimes it needs replace or your toilet water um… escapes onto the floor This is one thing I could have done without learning during a pandemic. Anyway, Amelia thinks that since she is an MD, Bennett is going to take over the housecleaning jobs. I don’t disagree with her. A few night’s later Bennett makes a special vegan dinner for Amelia and has a couple of oddball folk singers come over to sing for them. It was so sweet my teeth still hurt.
Olivia & Brett
These two can’t even agree on how to make up the bed. I think everyone can agree that unwashed old lady, menthol cigarettes, despair and wet dog for the next few days doesn’t really need broken toilet water stank to add to the humidity. HYPOTHETICALLY. Anyway, these two go to a rock climbing wall. At least Olivia is happy about that. Brett acts like this is his something he does frequently. It doesn’t seem like it. He doesn’t even rappel down properly. Later in the week, Olivia invites out for trivia night with her friends. It’s not exactly trivia… is more convoluted and Brett hates it and makes it clear to the group. Olivia is devastated. I do not know who thought these two should be matched.
Karen & Miles
In this apartment, Karen stayed out all night. Did we have cameras there to see what the fuck happened? Seriously Karen? It’s because he put “sex with my wife” on the calendar? I knew I didn’t like you from the beginning. It’s not like he grabbed you by the pussy! He made it clear in a very non threatening way that he wanted to take things to the next level. If this is something that you “can’t get past” you are never going to have relationship. How old is Karen? Miles is 26! She was pissed off and feels unsafe. If that is her boundary… le sigh… she doesn’t need to lecture him. She just needs to tell him how she feels. Miles apologized profusely he cares about her and feels terribly. I feel like she will never let up on this. #RedFlag Wasn’t her other criticism she wanted him to be more manly?
Later, Woody and Miles go to get a haircut. No one is wearing masks. Miles tells Woody about Karen leaving and not going home home after he wrote on their calendar “sex with my wife.” Woody is concerned just like the rest of us. That barber gives really good haircuts though. Later, Karen takes Miles for some tantric yoga and massage type of stuff. Basically she gives him a massage in a room with guy who is modeling for her how to do it on his partner. That was a big success. I don’t know what to make of Karen. Maybe she is just nervous?
Group Date! Low Country Boil, Beer and Bocce Ball!
Olivia and Brett report that they are getting closer. The same with Henry and Christina. Woody and Amani all seem happier than previous weeks. These three are bonding over crawfish. Meanwile the other two couples are across town playing bocce ball. At my house I have been join by Sally who is dropping a shit ton of water at the moment. Why are Bennett and Amelia and Miles and Karen excluded from the rest of the couples? Oh apparently so that Karen can work on lightening the fuck up a bit. Miles actually gets a peck on the lips! Oh and it seems the couples were spilt up for quarantine. Christina dragged Henry to a salsa class. At this exact moment, every seems to be doing…better.
Henry tells Amani privately that his concern is Christina’s impatience and if she didn’t get that under control, it will be a deal breaker for him. So of course Amani ran right back to Christina with the tea. This causes a huge blow up between Christina and Henry. Christina becomes very impatient and pushy with Henry. SIGH. She basically forces him to say whether he is in or out. He wants to complete the process. She wants to know now. I do not like this couple together. Karen and Miles seem a bit closer after the Bocce ball kissing game. But I’m still not sold on those two.