I was literally falling asleep sitting up around 7 pm and drank a ton of coffee to get through the RHOBH reunion recap. Now I remain wide awake so I may as well knock out this MAFS recap. I could really use a dose of Bennet and Amelia. They make me happy.
Amelia & Bennett
YAY! We start with these two. Bennett goes to the park to chat with his best friend Miranda. She’s just as quirky as he is. Why is she asking what the wedding was like? Why wasn’t she there? At the same time Amelia talks to her friend Sydney. Bennett says he is open to the idea of following Amelia wherever she gets a residency. I really want her to get it in NOLA. We will find out in less than three weeks. Miranda is not happy to hear this news.
Their housewives party is all about the guests painting a mural. Really? I have already seen everyone else’s party. This is expectedly bizarre. Everyone loves this couple. Because, perfect. Everyone thinks this is the perfect relationship. Because it is. AND IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WILL BE CRUSHED! Never have two people been so perfect for each other! They are so cute. The mural is cute and hangs over their bed now.
Olivia & Brett
At the beginning of this season, I felt sorry for Olivia getting stuck with Brett. But, Olivia has issues of her own. Ultimately, these two are not well matched. I feel like even though Olivia makes more money than Brett, Brett HAS more money than Olivia. I feel like I’m somewhere in between the two. I’m a saver like Brett, but I am saving to TRAVEL. I’m older so I feel like it is time to spend. I haven’t been able to travel since my last trip to Paris. My dog sitter and Banjo didn’t get along. And, I missed my dog. We don’t even have a lovey dovey relationship really. We just live together and I don’t sleep in my bed anymore because I like to wake up and see him. We’re a pack.
A day or so later, Brett is making dinner (steak and asparagus) and Olivia suggests that they work on a budget while dinner is cooking. Now she is speaking Brett’s love language. Olivia spends $500 a month on eating out! I usually spend ZERO dollars on that. I have spent like $120 on take out in the last week or two and I feel like that was extremely decadent even though it fed me for like six or seven days. These two are actually bonding over budgeting. Who knew? Could this actually work? At their housewarming party they play Jenga. Brett drinks a lot. Then they play would you rather. It’s very tame and their answers don’t mesh. Shocker! Olivia seems unhappy with Brett.
Amani & Woody
I love that Woody gets up on Saturdays and makes Amani champagne breakfast. And he has flowers in the fridge! He’s so romantic and thoughtful. Amani is very happy. They have liked each other from the beginning. I hope these two make it. I love them both. They are both great people. You can just look at them and see they are in love already.
These two have a housewarming for their friends. Woody’s friends are shocked that Woody is so into being married. They play never have I ever. And Amani has never been skinny dipping? I’ve done that at least a dozen times. In my pool (at my apartment in Savannah) in the ocean on a really bizarre road trip I was lucky enough not to die on because drunk man driving to Key West (and we may or may not have trespassed on a property without outdoor showers and the Bush Family name on little plaques) ALLEGEDLY. I’m probably making that up. We did sleep outside though. ALLEGEDLY. And then again on the beach in Miami. I mean who didn’t skinny dip back when they had good bodies?
It’s Time For Commenter Participation!
These two have a solid shot at this. I love this relationship. Also, I expect to see all of your never have I ever answers in the comments. It’s only fair. I’m backing up because it seems like I didn’t list all the questions (all my answers were yes). Skinny dipping. Kissed a girl. Shower with a member of the opposite sex. Ghosted someone after sex (that one… is probably a no for me. I mean not really sure on that one. Sometimes sex is just sex and ghosting wasn’t really a thing back in the day.) To me that seems like the same thing as a one night stand.
The Housewarming Party
Next is kissed a girl. Um, many, many times. Taken a shower with the opposite sex. More than twenty different people. And Amani still hasn’t done any of these things? Oh finally she admits to showering with a guy. She took a shower with Woody. She’s also ghosted someone after sleeping with them. I don’t know how to answer that question. I guess the answer is no? And the final question that took Woody out was about having a one night stand. Um yeah. Many times. Who knew young people today were so prudish? lol. I miss the 80s. 🙂 I guess I was a bit whorish, but I have no regrets. 🙂
Karen & Miles
I watched that show with the girl from season one tonight and Karen, Woody and Bennett were on there. Karen seemed to be eyeballing Woody in my opinion. This bitch is going to break Miles’ heart. 🙁 Sometimes she seems really nice. I’m coming back to this couple and it seems we haven’t had many scenes with them. But it is time for their housewarming party. Karen’s friend explains to Miles that Karen need someone to take the lead. He responds well to that advice. And it is good advice because her complaint about Miles was that he is not dominant enough.
At their housewarming, Karen kind of complains to his sister that he is too accommodating. Who complains about that? I prefer a dominant male too but it’s nice when the guy.. okay I am remembering a particular relationship when then guy was “too nice.” So I kind of get it. It’s possible to be dominant and kind though. But Miles is not the dominant kind. This relationship will end with a “nice guys finish last” sort of moral to the story. Karen wants traditional gender roles and Miles just wants to please her. This is a problem. These folks play truth or dare. It’s just as juvenile as it sounds.
Christina & Henry
This match may be even worse that Brett and Olivia. Christina is going to drive Henry off the cliff. Christina is trying to produce her segments. She literally said, “and scene!” Then she tells the producer she is not going to play the games they are supposed to play. This is what Kenya Moore does on RHOA that makes production not like her. But at least she is a producer. Who is this bitch? Why did they match her with anyone at all let alone sweet introverted to the point of nervous, Henry? He can’t seem to drink enough wine fast enough to deal with her unpleasant personality. Christina chastises him for not being grateful for all that she is doing. He offers to Venmo her for the groceries. She’s awful. I feel sorry for Henry. Who on earth thought this was a good match?
Henry points out they had a $70 tab at a Mexican restaurant (that’s a lot of margaritas!) and the Michelin star meal they had and he didn’t get a thank you. They disagree about that. It’s day 13 and they already both resent the hell out of each other. Henry needs to bail on this whole thing for his own sanity. Henry says that Christina is impatient. When she tries to through that back on him he says that he signed up to do a lot of things that make him uncomfortable like being filmed and doing interviews but he never disrespects the crew.
She tells him to look him in the eye. That’s like rule number one of things you never say to someone on the spectrum. By the way, if you are looking for a good book check out anything by Augusten Burroughs. And his brother John Elder Robison has a book called Look Me In The Eye that is fantastic and about his life with Asperger’s. I own everything Augusten Burroughs he has ever written. He’s amazing. I wrote a graduate school paper on him once and tied it to the movie Rain Man. Henry says he needs to work on eye contact. And being on camera is something he would never ever do. Christina gives us the titular phrase, “You can get out of this.” And I really think he should. Christina has no idea how to make Henry comfortable. She actually exacerbates his issues.
I cringe when it comes to the scenes with these two. But Christina is on her best behavior because they are having friends over. She is in flight attendant mode. The guys try to push Henry into sex with Christina. I think that would be a terrible idea. One of the girls tells Christina that Henry seems unemotional at times but was a big part of getting her through her sister’s death.
Girls & Boys…
Meet me in another world, space and joy vous etes tres belle mama girls and boys… Sorry I was having a Prince moment. God I miss that man. Anyway the brides get together while the grooms get together across town. Bennett tells the guys that he and Amelia have different tastes in music. She likes Indie/Folk and he likes Jazz/R&B. Well that’s a relationship killer! lol. NOT. Amelia looks amazing with the rest of the girls. She may even have a bit of makeup on! Olivia whines about financial differences. Brett brings up the same topic. Bennett says his financial conversation with Amelia was more like, “You support yourself? Yeah. You support yourself? Yeah. So great. It’s all good.”
Henry says he called Christina high maintenance. Christina whines about having to grocery shop and by a bed spread. There is no way in hell she would let him by the bed spread. I hate Christina. She says she wants him to take charge, but she would never actually let him if he wanted to. And he doesn’t. She whines again that Henry doesn’t pursue her. Amani suggests that she is going to have to initiate some things. Karen tells Amelia that she and Miles finally had their first kiss. It was a peck, but it was a start. The guys encourage Henry to make a move. They do not understand the shrew that he lives with.
Later Christina asks production for a list of questions to ask Henry, HER HUSBAND. She has no questions to ask? She is all like this scene is not working. Bitch you are not working. She says she always has to be the bad guy (YOU ARE THE BAD GUY) and she always has to be the initiator (BECAUSE HE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO YOUR EVIL SPIRIT). And why does she think she is in charge of producing the show? Is it because she is only there for the show? She is such a bitch. Henry decides to walk away for a bit. As in leaving the apartment. Henry needs to just bail. I hate her.