I’m trying to work up a full head of steam to hate watch this crapola for you. Nanette, who has been pulling photos for me claims this episode will be EPIC. Oddly, I am eating “sort of not really nachos” during this Below Deck Med recap. It was not planned. lol. And it’s fucking vegetarian because for some reason I cannot stop buying Amy’s frozen food. There has to be some sort of way more unhealthy option for frozen enchilada meals. Why do I never by the ones with all the bad chemicals in them? They are so much tastier.
Hannah Gets The Shaft
Anyway, so a not to annoy the assholes that keep trying to post that no one wants to hear all my personal shit, (lol are you new? It’s kind of my thing!) we need to move on to the firing of Hannah. We see the first mate there, AKA an actual yachtie, so that makes this seen more real as they are rarely on camera unless there is a big nonscripted crisis. Yikes. Hannah denies taking any Valium since she was onboard. If I were her, I would take one now. Suckass Sandy asks her to go get her “drugs” supposedly she has a pot pen as well. We call those MEDICATIONS, Suckass. Then Suckass Sandy chases her to the cabin to stop her from flushing the evidence. Really?
As for the valium, there should be a prescription on the box! Suckass Sandy says that this is a “nightmare.” Like it is a problem for HER. Then she brings up Hannah’s panic attack as “hyperventilating on the floor with Malia The Suckup.” I love that Hannah just cuts her off and doesn’t listen to her bullshit fake “support.” The takes her Valium back and heads off to pack her shit. You know that Sandy Suckass wanted more camera time for her big scene and Hannah didn’t allow that. And Sandy does this three hours before charter. Hannah goes out to the pier for a smoke and most likely a Valium. Suckass Sandy tries to compare Hannah’s prescribed anxiety meds to a drugged flight attendant. She is so full of shit with everything coming out of her mouth right now.
Suckass Sandy Is Just HORRIBLE
Suckass Sandy literally can’t get Hannah a few minutes to smoke and talk to her boyfriend. She is going to get that camera time whether Hannah likes it or not. I hope Hannah just goes off on her. She does laugh in Suckass Sandy face when she suddenly pivots from “I can’t have anyone on the boat with anxiety issues” to her fake “caring about her.” Fuck off, Sandy. Really. Stop stalking the woman. Let her pack her bags and get far, far away from you. The Suckass Sandy goes back to shittalking. She says she could have fired Hannah last year, or the year before. Bitch, no you could not. Production chooses who works there. And I hope they fire you.
Then, Suckass Sandy calls her number one minion, Malia the Moron up to tell her that she has fired Hannah. Who the fuck does that? She is now talking to Malia about the possibility of Hannah overdosing. She will literally say anything to be on camera. I hate Malia. Hannah leaves with dignity. Hannah looks pregnant in her talking heads. BelowBelow
The Guests Are Dildos With Dildos
Malia’s boyfriend, Tom is already annoying. Suckass Sandy continues to talk shit with Malia. Suckass Sandy is talking about “pot” when Hannah very clearly stated it is a CBD pen that does not require a prescription. I wish both of them would fall overboard and be gone. Meanwhile, Tom struggles to make …pancakes? But he has Suckass Sandy’s pot of broth simmering.
The new charter guests brought a shit ton of luggage for their two, maybe three day cruise. The crew seems to like Tom’s food. Why are they at lunch when the guests just boarded? By the way, the guest seem to be sex obsessed. Jess stupidly told the guests that they just got a new chef. I haven’t seen Sandy in the kitchen at all with Tom. I am annoyed with this entire episode. The guests are playing with giant dildos. Tonight is some sort of dinner party. Tom seems overwhelmed when asked for a birthday cake. He bitches about it to Malia. Why is he not in the kitchen making a damn cake? Then Tom can’t shuck oysters. /eyeroll. Why is Suckass Sandy not in there micromanaging? Why the hell are the charter guests buck nekkid in front of the cameras?
Please God, Make It Stop!
Dinner service was late. And apparently they all had shells in their first dish. The sex addicts are not pleased. And still no Suckass Sandy asking how dinner was and looking for issues. The second course, the lobster is raw. Still no Suckass Sandy. Tom is having a flinging fit. It sounds like he wants to quit. Guess we are missing Kiko about now.
There are fucking eight episodes left and all of them look like a shit show. Tom is just awful. And so is Ibiza. Why would they go there?