Lord I feel like shit. I’m totally exhausted. Why am I sofa king tired from sitting on the couch? I feel like I have run three marathons back to back and my ONE JOB is to recap this hour long TV show. I feel like I might just fall over. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME? Anyway, onward and upward? These bitches are just boring. BORING. I’m just bored by all of this.
Grumble, grumble. THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW. I think Luann may still be drunk. Luann and Dorinda are the only ones working out. I can’t with Ramona pretending like she has a monetary deal outside of Bravo.. Sorry. How the hell is Dorinda always fresh as a fucking daisy every morning?
I’m bored. But I so get that having your own business is 24/7. Leah actually has a business. I am not sure what Sonja is pretending to do these days. No time off. I get it. I don’t even know what they are arguing about at this point. My goodness Luann has the perfect body. Sonja storms off. And now they are arguing about updating social media. Leave Leah alone. This is all the footage they have? I get being offline at the table but still. Are we really going to talk about menopause? I just woke up at three am and all the screeching is a lot. And by just woke up, what I mean is I am barely awake typing this in my sleep. I’m just so tired all the time. I’m starting to wonder if I have THE COVID.
Those Are Not Gay Men Shorts
Leah got up early to work. She took out her laptop and tried to get a few things done at the outdooer breakfast table alone. Then Dorinda comes bossing everyone around. I don’t even own a cell phone so I get the whole, no cell phones at breakfast rule, But Leah has a business. I just woke up to pee at three am and am trying to knock out a recap. It’s what you do. Why is Dorinda everyone’s overbearing mother? Everyone is irritated with Dorinda. Ramona wonders if it is menopause?
Luann and Leah pick up a couple of Canookian guys. Why do I feel a whole be cool, don’t be all uncool thing happening here? They drag the guys back to the house. And Ramona has the Ramona eyes. Later, Dorinda has diarrhea and can’t go out with the ladies. Who is going to boss the women around and scream at them for not acting the way she wants? The two Canadians do make it to the night out on the town though. Oh Lord. Here come the shots! These two Canookians are having the time of their lives. It looks like Leah might have sex at the table with one of the guys.
Off For a Swim
The next morning, Dorinda is rebounding after a home visit from a doctor named Ceasar Cassanova. Meanwhile, Leah brought one of the Canookians home. I love the cutaway shots to the Mexican private chef who is pretending he isn’t listening to these ladies. And they are off to swim in a cenote. But first, a visit with a shaman. Oh my, they have to rappelling into the water? My rappelling days have long since pasts. No thank you. Luann is a pro though and goes all the way down. How the heck are they going to get back up? Leah, Dorinda and Lu rappel down and go for a swim. As it turns out, apparently you could just walk down there. Oh God no. You lost me at the bats. I’m out. I don’t even want to see bats on TV. This does not look fun at all.
It lunch the topic turns to vaginal cleansing or something. Leah says she sees a witch doctor of some sort who gave her a um, a vaginal egg for her vagina. I am a bit tipsy at four am so this is actually making sense to me. It occurs to me that this is kind of a good episode and no one is batshit crazy drunk. And as soon as I typed that, Dorinda got a call from her daughter at the table and everyone has an issue with her hypocrisy. But really, it is Ramona who is the pain in the ass. As usual. Just when we almost had a nice episode. I love that Dorinda is mocking Ramona for her over the top dramatics. Ramona may be clinically insane. I’m just saying. But we finally did have a mostly fun episode.