Sorry, I really love this show but I have a lot going on right now. Please talk among yourselves. or not, here is a RHOBH recap..
Okay took a little cat nap. I honestly don;t even know if it is the same day or a new one. I asked my friend and he was like, “you just emailed me three hours ago” so um same night I guess? Everything is all fucked up over here. Does anyone know if I fed the dog? Also, I’d like to admit to having sex with Brandi Glanville. I mean, I could have. I just can’t remember shit anymore. But if I did in fact with Brandi Glanville, I am sure I enjoyed it. And nobody cares.
ENOUGH! ENOUGH ALREADY! WE ARE IN ROME!
Dorit is particularly annoying if you just woke up. Rinna is basically saying SOMETHING IN THE BUTTERMILK AIN”T CLEAN. As we say down here. But really? Rinna? I am trying to be your superfan and you are making it so hard. Why are y’all in Rome arguing about some cheap trick in Beverly Hills adjacent and who she fucks with? YOU ARE ALL BETTER THAN THIS? How bad do you need a dollar? COME ON! You are supposed to be rich people. For the love of God can you not act like rich white pretentious people with hot husbands and great life for fucking five minutes?
And Kyle, you are stunningly beautiful. But what is up with that black dress with a bow? Do no like. The dress. But love you. It’s kind of Charlie Chaplin. Also, this is all so childish. I’m having flashbacks to that one horrid year when I taught middle school. That was my visit to the depths of hell. Just stop ladies. JUST STOP!
Sunday Morning In Vegas…
So they do. Until the next day. OMG, Kyle, I too feel like I am in Vegas on a Sunday morning! Someone point me to the free buffet. Also, Rinna is a horrible friend. I love her, and I thought I was a bad friend. But really Rinna? Jesus. This is Rinna trying to make up? She is even worse at making up than I am. Now she is crying like she is the victim. Okay I am totally Team Denise now. I also think this is the first time we have seen Rinna with no makeup. Still gorgeous. Wait we are going to church? I love churches.
Or not. It looks like we are going on a vespa instead. I hate Dorit. Again. Also, I am cold. It hasn’t been cold in this ghetto shack for 154 days. Oh wait! We ARE going to church. I’m southern baptist. BUT NOT A TRUMPER. And when in Europe I go to some sort of i dunno what it is.. church. I have a church home i Paris though. It’s this one chruch where I go to Christmas services. I’ve been to them two or three times and sometimes drunk at midnight mass. My waiter swore it was okay to do so. lol. Wait Harry has another kid?
Losing My Religion…
Wait what are we doing now? Why aren’t Kyle and what’s her name at church? And why are we drinking wine again. And why am I not drinking Pinot Grigio? Rinna looks beautiful in the shot with no makeup. And HORRIFIC in that pink shit in her confessionals. I mean, I LOVE LOVELOVE RINNA but everything about that look is wrong. Holy shit! Is Rinna eating food? I literally saw Rinna chewing just now. I’ve never actually seen her put anything in her mouth. But she was CHEWING!
It’s time for a dinner brawl. Even Denise gets that it will be a brawl. I a loving Denise this episode. First she calls out Rinna for being a bad friend and now she acknowledges that even in Rome dinners are not fun , ON CAMERA! Vino, Vino, Vino! Oh tonight Denise has something to say. Wait. Okay first of all I know for a fact that Kyle reads here. So I have to know if that is her real hair. The way she keeps flipping it around is as if she isn’t use to it. Does she have piece put in?
When The Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie…
Get out these bitches Denise. Kyle I love you but sit down, shut up and let this woman read you for filth. And fuck you too Teddi. You are brand new here too. But Denis is NOT HAVING IT. And I love her for it. Shut the fuck up Erika. And where was your glam squad when you filmed that confessional? WTF with Teddi in the hat? I am totally Team Denise at this point. Fuck all y’all. I would not attend another dinner with any of you. You all suck. Garcelle is over it too. Shut up Erika. I LOVE Denise for not giving production what they wanted. No, you will not trash me all night, I am going home. Well fuck. She is going to let production send her back in…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! God Dammit. Fuck all of these women. Every last one of them. Shut the fuck up, Rinna. I hate everyone except Denise at this point.
Craziest you have ever had sex? On a golf course? Or maybe that time when we were on some president property somewhere on the way to the Florida Keys? I think it might have been a George Bush property? And there were outdoor showers that said something like…”presidents showered here” or something. HYPOTHETICALLY I never went to a presidential home and camped there and had sex on the way to Key West. This is all imaginary. Oh and as Rinna points out, back in the day I had sex in the same room as another couple at the same time. I was really kind of slutty in my day. lol. Oh lol also had sex in a church parking lot. God I am such a whore. And shut up Rinna. What are your “Forgiving?