It’s FINALLY time for a new RHOP Recap where we will meet the new housewife, Wendy Osefo! Also As you know there were law suits and criminal actions filed between Monique and Candiace during the filming of this season. Plus, plus there is always some sort of sexual misconduct by Ashley’s husband Michael to get to the bottom of (errr so to speak).
We are starting with Monique and her new bird. She’s taking with it to film with Karen who is her new neighbor. I would turn her right around at the door with that bird. And I know way more than I need to about his habits while I am trying to eat dinner in between recapping. Karen slams the door in her face and tells her if it must come it, she needs to cage it. How many fake houses does Karen Huger live in? Why is there a deer on the tennis court. Karen gives us yet another story about her marriage to Ray. I’ll spare you.
Gizelle Has Been Dicktamized!
Gizelle is moving into her remodeled house that she bought last season. It looks a whole lot better and she is spending money. Gizelle is back with Jamal Bryant. Any esteem I had for Gizelle is over because of that. Remember back several seasons ago when Phaedra was accused of fooling around on Apollo with Mr. Chocolate? Well according to Cadillac Kim, that was Jamal Bryant. And his dick seems to make the rounds here in Atlanta. You can refresh yourself on all of that tea by clicking here. Their girls don’t want to talk to him either. The girls are old enough to have read about him online, sadly. Gizelle is stupid for taking him back. Jamal can’t keep his dick in his pants.
Speaking of brown dick, Candiace and Chris are throwing themselves a one year anniversary party. The two to pretend to have more money than they have. They want to pay about $5K for the event. The minimum for the venue they selected is $22K. People are ridiculous. Gizelle and Candiace got out to sample baked goods for the party. Candiace announces that she isn’t inviting Ashley to the party. I don’t blame her. But production will probably make Ashley go anyway. Gizelle and Candiace barely get along.
We Have Two New Babies This Season
Ashley and Micheal are enjoying being new parents. She’s unhappy that everyone says he looks just like Michael. But the kid looks just like Michael. Ashley is a very nervous first mom. It’s cute. But I imagine Michael gets tired of it. Meanwhile, Robyn and Juan are no closer to getting married. But they are looking for a bigger house. Robyn says they need to get married before they buy a house together. Juan is never going to do that, Robyn. Why does everyone think they need a huge house? Juan sort of tells Robyn they can get married. He does that every season.
Ashley and Monique get together to talk about baby poop. Note to self: Never try to eat dinner while recapping this show. We do not need to see all of this. Why is Candiace still on this show? Everyone hates her, and she is physically aggressive.
From $22K To A Box of Cupcakes And Cash Bar
Oh Hell To The No! Wendy is coming in as Candiace’s friend. I guess I should have seen that coming. If they had to keep her, they have to bring in someone who will film with her. Karen sort of knows her too. Both Candiace and Wendy were prompted to bring up “Karen’s fragrance.” Really? Are we doing that again this season? Karen let’s us know that while she has done charity work with Wendy in the past, she is not a fan. Oh Wendy has a new baby too!
Candiace pulls Gizelle and Karen aside. Candiace wants to clear the air with Gizelle. Gizelle says Candiace owes her an apology. And she needs to apologize to Ashley. Candiace is completely unaware of such a concept. Then Wendy comes busting into the conversation. She knows Jamal Bryant too (probably slept with him at some point like everyone else, allegedly). This new girl has the nerve to tell Gizelle how surprised she was she took Jamal back. Wendy is coming in like a bull in a china shop.
Wait, Who Are Candiace’s Two Favorite People?
Charisse is also at the party. No one is happy to see her and her trash talking mouth. Then, Candiace decides to introduce the two women she loves most in the world. First, her mother, who she barely speaks to and secondly, Karen Huger. HUH? Gizelle even says, “How’d that happen?” Why is Karen Huger giving marital advice when she and her husband never see each other? Karen of course spins a story about Karen and Ray. Candiace’s mama has already been drinking to the point of breaking wine glasses. So she talks about Candiace and Chris’s sex life, and her two husbands.
This episode was mostly one to refresh out memories on who these people are, and to plug the upcoming season where everyone screams and fights. So, you know, same shit, different season. And this episode had way too much literal shit. Also, Andy continues to bump up his ratings by tacking WWHL on to the end of Bravo shows and thereby screwing up my DVR filming schedule. Not cool on a Sunday night.