I’m doing the setups for the RHONY recap three hours early and I already have a headache just thinking about this show. Or maybe it is a traumatic brain injury for days of working on taxes. Okay, it is officially time for more drinking and screaming like a lunatic on national TV!
We didn’t even make it to dinner time! It looks like food is being delivered and of course Ramona expects the delivery guy to take it all the way into the kitchen. It wouldn’t surprise me if she asked him to feed her as well. Some of the girls did a costume change for dinner. Elyse and I agree that is sort of ridiculous. Dorinda and Ramona think that Sonja just needs to do her own cabaret shows again. Surely, one cabaret show is more than enough. Luann overhears and says Sonja did cabarresque. Which apparently isn’t a real word. Sonja is too drunk to feed herself. I am nervous for drunk Sonja eating on those gorgeous dinner chairs.
Slurinda Escalates The Fighting!
Dorinda has left the building and crying Slurinda has arrived. I’ve been crying Slurinda myself for a few days, so I’m not one to judge. But I’m feeling better tonight! Dorinda and Ramona both come for Luann about her shitty treatment of Sonja. By God, Ramona is the only one allowed to treat Sonja like crap. Ramona has to drag Luann away from Dorinda so she will stop shoving her finger in Dorinda’s face. The fight is escalating and I’m already praying for this night to end. Dorinda brings up Luann’s mugshot. Leah says in a talking head that the whole group is always one drink away from a mugshot. Luann runs off crying.
Luann is sobbing and packing. Dorinda is pouring herself a tumbler full of straight vodka. How is she still standing? She is packing her Jovani and leaving. WTF is she going at this time of night? Dorinda basically shoves Luann out the door. Leah who seems fairly sober convinces Luann to go to a pub with her. That is not a good idea. Luann is crying again. Leah tries to get Ramona to deal with Luann. The three of them apparently went to a local pub together. The next morning, Dorinda is the first one up and dressed. How does she do that? Luann apparently stayed in a hotel. Dorinda calls Luann and tells her she loves her. She asked for an alcohol pass. They both agree to blame it on the alcohol. Sonja looks amazing in her talking head from home.
Shopping Fixes Everything
It time for a shopping outing. On the way, Dorinda points out the restaurant that she worked in “her whole life.” They pick up Luann en route. Actually, they are two cars so the two factions can talk. Luann and Ramona talk about how vicious Dorinda is. Then some furniture store gets an in show promotional. Sonja and Luann make up. And apparently, Leah and Luann made out at the pub. Luann doesn’t remember. Then it is off to a wine and cheese shop. I should have made a small cheese and olive plate for this recap. Oh noe. Colin Cowie is at Blue Stone Manor while they girls shop, making dinner. That’s not a bad thing in itself, but it just means another drunken row is on the horizon. I wish I had some of that triple cream. Sonja is still claiming that Frenchie is still in her life.
Leah tells a story about a sexual hookup with a prince. She peed on him. Is that a thing? An accident? Piss play? I need to know more about the motivation for peeing. Or perhaps it’s best left unsaid. It seems they were in the shower. Back at the house, Ramona has clogged the toilet. I have to fast forward through this. Also, I heard other stories today that I wish I would not have heard, so let’s try to leave bodily functions out of comments. Please and thank you. Dorinda’s sister shows up for dinner. I miss being able to see my sister. We haven’t been talking much during quarantine. Neither of us really like the phone. Leah has invited the bartender from the Red Lion over after dinner.
Remember Heather Thompson?
Elyse has an alter ego, Erica? Why haven’t we seen her before? Heather Thompson and her husband Tom come for dinner. It’s good to see her again. Elyse is drunk before the salad course. Have we ever seen her drunk before? The food looks amazing. Dorinda is eating her lamb chop with her hands like a cave woman. I love Colin correcting Luann’s French. I still don’t know what she was trying to say. Dorinda wants to be added to an online dating site. Ramona says she is a one percenter and therefore she can’t be on an online dating site with the great unwashed. I’m pretty sure Ramona is not a one percenter. Maybe like a two percenter. Which is still good, Ramona. You’re not Oprah Winfrey or Tyler Perry though.
Leah was actually the best behaved the night before, but on this night, she is getting sloppy. Girl, BEHAVE! WE HAVE COMPANY! Then she suddenly screams that she is so happy she is the only one with a period. There are a lot of things that suck about getting old. But not having a period isn’t one of them. I’m just saying. Leah and “Erica” make out. Ramona brought a Breathalyzer to the party. She blew a .19 on the first try. And this isn’t even drunk Ramona! Leah’s bartender from the night before, James. He seems…nice. Dorinda monopolizes James with drunk off her ass stories. Leah is not happy. She wanted to monopolize James with drunk stories, bitch. When Luann and Dorinda make out, Leah takes the chance to sneak off with James. And with that, this year’s trip to the Berkshires is over.
Next week: Ramona and her ex and her daughter go out for a celebratory dinner. And well, I really don’t know what that was I just watched, but Ramona is screaming for someone to get the producers.