Oh hey! Let’s do another RHOBH recap! It feels like eons have passed and civilizations have crumbled since I last watched this show but it was only last week. If y’all could take an MRI of my brain right now I’d be lucky if you found three functioning brain cells. My brain literally hurts from thinking really hard when I am not used to it. So, I am treating is with copious amounts of Merlot. And, when I finish this inevitably typo ridden recap, I’m going to try to make a lobster and stir fried rice dish. I am not sure that’s a thing. And I am not committing much of my remain NE lobster to the dish. Just enough to make me feel fancy and loved.
She’s baaaaaaaaaaack! Le Sigh
We start with Kyle apparently being forced to stop by Camille’s new house post Malibu fires. These two hate each other. But they seem to be ready to try to fake it. Also, Kyle is to RHOBH as Kandi is to RHOA, but do what they are told by production, don’t make much of a stink about their paychecks ( I keep meaning to tell Kyle to ask for a raise because I know for a fact she could get one but never asks, hey girl! Hit me up!). It’s her beach house that she has renovated. It’s stunning of course. Camille has done well for herself. And. she is desperate to be on the show.
I want to like Camille. But she’s a Trumper and I just can’t. Other than that seems seems lovely. And, I certainly covet her lifestyle. Camille was in a bad place at the reunion and she was ganged up on, but she deserved it. I love that Kyle loves on everyone’s dogs, even those of her enemy. Kyle basically welcomes Camille back to the show if she can get along with everyone. Oh joy, the storms rolling in are not stopping the fireworks idiots. Banjo’s barking is killing my head.
Rinna and Denise meet for lunch at a fancy schmanzy restaurant. This is what I want to see. Things are tense. Denise wants to meet with Rinna privately to tell her it hurt her feelings when she called her a hypocrite in front of everyone. Rinna responds horribly. She wants to know why she can’t be open about her feelings. Nothing about hurting Denise’s feelings. Come on, Rinna. I love you but your attitude right now is all wrong. Also, Rinna that pink dress in your talking heads is plum awful. And, so is your treatment of Denise. Also, not a single fry was eaten that I saw. Those fries probably cost twenty bucks!
WHY IS DORIT MAKING IT SO HARD TO HATE HER THIS SEASON? Is it the lack of her doughboy husband? I like Dorit’s 1960’s Marlo Thomas flip and her minimal makeup. And, I like she’s not done hating Camille. Sigh. What I hate is myself for sort of kind of liking Dorit this season. I don’t understand Garcelle’s scene. It looks like the script writer is trying to keep the threesome fight going. Also, while I am on a paragraph with no central idea, I’ve notice that I don’t think they are really including self shot home talking heads. Which was the entire reason for the hiatus. They seem to be using soundbites from older talking heads.
OH My BUDDA!
I needed this Eileen Richardson scene. I would like a whole episode of Rinna, Erika Jayne and Eileen’s ride to the Kyle’s fundraiser. I love Eileen and she looks beautiful. She seem to think she is brunette for a role but I think she is still a dark blonde. And strikingly gorgeous and I could not be happier to see her and wish she would come back. In another car, Denise and Aaron are being a little bit weird. Erika isn’t down with seeing Aaron.
Kyle is a huge fundraiser for Children’s Hospital, especially since Maurcio was a patient at a very young age. She is nervous about having a live auction. She has REALLY good items. $25K with a plastic surgeon, a week stay at a spa with a massage every day! I need that one. Kyle is super stressed out about the event. She can’t get the pool to light up. Porsha can’t get her hair done. Maurico isn’t dressed. It’s a hot mess. The house looks amazing. Though, I’d lose the neon light that says “Bitch Please You Could Never Be me! Dorit looks AMAZING. The dress is impeccable. Thank God she brought her idiot of a husband because I need someone to go in on tonight.
Black Ties And White Lies
When the ladies look at all the things up for auction, Camille and her friend Kimber are both being ignored. Rinna and Eileen reluctantly show up to film with them. Very reluctantly. Rinna immediately tells Camille that she is an asshole on Twitter. Everyone is an asshole on Twitter. That is why it is my online home. But, Camille is an asshole to all the people on the show and now they have to deal with her face to face. So I love Rinna calling her out. All I get from this scene is that Eileen is stunningly gorgeous. I want her back, did I mention that?
Ooooh Lala! Garcelle shows up with a hot new man and I am giving him all the thumbs up! It’s Chocolate Michael as opposed with white Michael she married. I’m down with Chocolate Michael being on this season as much as possible. IJS. Oh that Garcelle talking head is definitely home shot. IRL someone would have told her that everything about it is a no for me, dawg. I am NOT a shoe person. AT ALL. But, Sutton’s shoes are amazeballs. I may have mentioned it before but my richest friend by miles knows Sutton’s ex-husband. So she is loaded.
The Stars Are Out Tonight!
Speaking of loaded, Kyle has invited all her rich friends who are willing to film inclucing Kris Jenner and her “chocolate” boyfriend. And Faye Resnick and well too many to mention that I spotted in the crowd. I’m hoping y’all will list them in comments because this is taking forever to recap and may go down in history as my favorite episode ever!
Brandi Glanville is on the scene to cause problems. She is accompanied by Mia. Am I allowed to say that I think Mia is either a drag queen or trans? Because that’s what I am thinking. NTTAWWT. Also, I love Kyle. But, production sent Brandi to cause a scene with Denise. And I am not down with that. But what I love is an auction. I used to live in rural SC and the auction was the place to um, drunk drive to, every Saturday night. I wish I could go to auctions every day and I don’t need any more stuff. But, I was sort of considered the city slicker and anything I bid on was immediately up bidded. This auction is way too rich for my blood, but I would bid anyway. Kim is there looking amazing.
This morning Chrissy Metz was on the Kelly Clarkston show announcing her new Walmart line. Much more my speed. Hell I am going to take a look later and if there are no pajamas I’m emailing her. Anyway. once again I digress. At a charity event you, I guess I mean me, decide how much you want to contribute and then find an item to overbid on. Kris Jenner donates $25K with no purchase. And I find myself wanting to cry about that. I’m just wrung out lately, sorry. While the auction is going on, PK tries to counsel Aaron and I start to think I need to go to an auction. It lifts my spirits. Kyle raised over $300K for her event. Teddi, Denise and Camille sit on the couch.
Next Week: Rinna announces they are going to Rome.