I am going to do a 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After recap tonight, just to to keep my mind off of the movie I watched tonight. It’s a REALLY good movie. Hah! Or not. I just went to double check the name of the movie. It’s called The Vanishing of Sidney Hall on the Googler. It is at 11% on Rotten Tomatoes and all of the other reviews are terrible. I thought it was a good movie but shortly after you start getting into it, it gets really depressing. So I guess don’t watch it. Sorry. Also, any childhood or adult traumas you may have will be triggered there. It’s hard to pick movies from the premium channels just by a title and very short description. And so many are about terrible things. The blurb for this one was “Famous author Sidney Hall goes missing with no explanation.
In other news, I just used up all of my cherry tomatoes (except for the Cherokee purple to make tomato soup. It needs, something. I just added a bit of truffle butter and am going to let it simmer. I’ve been a bit under the weather the past few days. Anyway, moving on. I haven’t seen some of the couples on this franchise of 90 Day Fiance and I won’t have pictures for most of them because I don’t normally do 90 Day Fiance recaps that often.
Larissa & Colt
Despite Lara being arrested three times for domestic violence, TLC continues to pay her for being on yet another season. Le sigh. I’ve had enough of these two. On this episode, Colt is in Chicago? I forget where to hook up with yet another Brazilian girl. The met and Colt used the smooth line of, “Wanna go back to my hotel and have sex?” And it worked. Because Brazilian chicks apparently will do anything to be on TV. Her name is Jess and she is not happy that he hasn’t told his co-dependent mother doesn’t know about her. He just met her 24 hours ago. Jess says she likes Colt because he likes sex and she likes sex. She let’s us know she is the boss in the bedroom. I didn’t need to know that. On the second night of this rendezvous these two are already a disaster.
I could care less about Larissa the criminal who somehow got a green card despite her criminal charges. Larissa used her TLC check to send money to her kids. OH WAIT NO SHE DIDN’T SHE HAD EVERY PLASTIC SURGERY IN THE WORLD. Now she wants to be a stripper. The Larissa scenes all seem very staged.
Karine & Paul
These two are still in Brazil and they have a new baby. Maybe the baby will keep Karine from sleeping with other guys. Wow. They have been married for two years and living in Brazil for one year. They have decided to move back to the US because they need more money now that they have a baby. Karine has a two year green card on a spousal visa. I presume they will live with Paul’s much beleaguered mom. Karine is not sure she wants to live in the US. She’s always wanted Paul to live in Brazil. Or for him just to support her from the US.
Oh wow Paul calls his mom on the day of his flight asking her if they can stay with her. WTF? She says no. He needs to support his family and if she lets them stay there they would never leave and her house is not big enough to house them. She says she will help with a hotel for a couple of days but that it is. Karine’s mom is very sad to see her go. Perhaps, now Karine understands the sacrifices Paul has made for her. Karine’s mother is worried because Paul “doesn’t do what he says” and she is worried Paul will just send her back.
Kalani & Asuelu
I love these two but sometimes it is hard to tell with foreigners if they struggle with the language or if they have some sort of developmental delay. I’m starting to think with Asuelu, it could be the latter. At the very least he is extremely insecure and has not had much experience with the would out side of Samoa. But he is only 24 and Kalani is 31 so there is that. He works at a little job selling frozen yogurt or something. But after work, Asuelu goes to play volleyball or plays video video games and does nothing with their two kids. He doesn’t see that he needs to assimilate into American culture. He’s also very homesick and wants to visit his family.
Asuelu decides to take Kalani out on a date without the kids. This will please her and give him a chance to say he wants to go for a visit to Samoa. But his idea of a romantic date is to take her to Axe throwing bar. These Axe throwing bars sure are making the rounds of reality TV lately. So also very scripted. They were both surprisingly good at it and seem to be having fun. Until Asuelu says he wants to take the new kid to meet his family in Samoa. She says they can’t afford it with him only working part time. Perhaps use this goal to get him off his has and make more money?
Elizabeth & Andrei
I know most of you are going to find Andrei to be an asshole. And he is by American standards. But men in some other countries are…. for lack of a better term, still a bit wild and not as domesticated as American men. I for one like that. But if you don’t you need to fish in an American pond. Elizabeth seems to be acclimating to it fairly well but her friends and family are not. Currently she is pissed because at a family dinner, Andrei announced without mentioning it to her that he was planning a Moldovan wedding at his home church. Although they are already married. He needs their baby to be baptized in his home church and in order to do that. They must marry in that church. SOON. Andrei says her father is paying for the wedding.
These two live in Tampa. Tampa has a lot of strip clubs (like Atlanta) only my judgement based on few faces is that their strip clubs are skeevier. Also, I am jealous of Elizabeth and hers sisters full heads of hair. My hair used to be really thick and now it’s super thin. I probably have some disease that I would know about if I had health insurance. He sisters have Googled Moldova and have declared it the scariest place on Earth. Chile please. It’s no North Korea. It’s more like Romania, a place I visited alone I guess forever ago at this point. The gypsies were a bit problematic at the train station on my trip to Brasov but I never felt endangered even when me and the Canadian girl went out with some club owners who were probably drug dealers. They got me home safely. So shut up about Moldova, girls.
Eventually, Elizabeth goes to talk to her dad to ask him to pay for the wedding. It goes better than expected. He doesn’t say no. He is pissed that Andrei wasn’t man enough to ask him himself. But he hates seeing Elizabeth cry so he agrees. When she told Andrei he seemed very entitled.
Angela & Michael
These two are the original fat old white American lady trying to buy a young Nigerian man. It’s ridiculous. Angela who is 54 goes to see a gynocologist (gag) about her fertility since she recently had some sort of miraculous period years into menopause. The doctor tells Angela that she could have uterine cancer. Later, Angela talks to her mother. I hate that her mother is on the show. I feel like she doesn’t have the ability to consent. He mom has had cancer five times.
Tania & Syngin
Most of the South African men we see on reality TV in the US are total assholes. But Syngin is great. Probably one of the best guys on this show. Tania on the other hand is THE WORST. During their 90 days she took a 30 day class on something or other that involved her leaving Syngin to live in a shed on her mother’s property alone. I cannot believe they are still together. Tania recently got in a car accident and broke her ankle or something. At least Syngin makes it clear he is not ready to be a father. Tania doesn’t listen.
It looks like TLC rented them a house since their plan was to go to someplace warm until Tania got laid up and had to stay in Connecticut to rehab her foot on her health insurance. So neither of them have a job. Syngin gets a job as a bartender and Tania is worried he will come home drunk every night. You know, like she did for a month when she abandoned him to go to Costa Rica for a month. She met him when he was bartending. They both drink a lot.