It’s a banner night for TLC! First up is part three of the Tell All, my favorite 90 Day Fiance Recap. This Tell All from home has everyone feeling like they can just say anything without Baby Girl Lisa getting riled up to beat their asses. The old white ladies are always the violent ones on these shows. But wait, there is more! After this, it’s the premiere of season two of my favorite of all the eleventy billion 90 franchise, 90 Days The Other Way. If you haven’t watched season one, I beseech you to binge that season ASAP. It’s ERRYTHANG! In between those two shows I will do Below Deck. I was up until four or five am last night. And even though I slept until 2:30, I’ve never really woken up and am utterly exhausted. So let’s hope I can do three recaps tonight. The Tell All takes forever! And… I am already behind from trying to pull photos for 90 Day the Other way. It’s going to be a looong night.
Darcey and Tom And…AVERY?
I feel like I missed something at the end of the last episode. Tom just pulled a Nene and closed his laptop. So now Shaun is trying to figure out why Tom is mad at Avery. Avery’s version of the story is that Tom asks her out on video chat and she agreed to go to dinner. Then Tom sent a screen shot of her to Ash with a note that said, “Look what Avery is doing.” I’m not sure I believe Avery. Why the fuck is Stephanie still here? Get her off my TV.
Then Tom comes back smoking a cigarette. He seems to validate Avery’s story. Except he denies sending the screen shot of their text messages to Ash. Tom says he just asked Ash if the relationship with Avery was over and he said yes. So now we have to ask Ash what happened. Ash says Tom is telling the truth and he lied to Avery saying Tom sent a screenshot. I don’t understand why this makes Tom so mad at Avery. Ash was pissed with both Tom and Avery. Tom also asked Stephanie out. He thinks she is hot. My crush on Tom is officially kaput. Baby Girl Lisa sticks up for Tom. Also, Tom has no lips. That’s usually a bad sign.
Usman and His Wife, Baby Girl Lisa
At this very moment they seem amicable. Shaun says that there has been at lot of discord between these two on social media. They apparently block each other a lot. Usman has a question for the other American women. Are they all like Lisa? Because when she gets made, she will say the most horrible things. Lisa suddenly gets very angry and threatens to unplug. Just because Usman wants to finish his thoughts. Thus, she proved his point that she has anger issues. Lisa continues to try to control everything Usman says. She’s such a bitch.
Then Usman tries to get feedback again from the other women and Lisa threatens him. Ed comes out swinging hard for Usman. He points out that Usman was very respectful to her no matter how horribly she treated him. Avery tells Usman not all American women are like that. Lisa responds with, “That’s why Ash dumped your ass.” Ed says there are so many more women who are not disrespectful like Lisa. Lisa starts screaming at Ed and telling him to shut the fuck up. This of course proves everyone’s point.
Social Media Is Killing This Relationship
Both Lisa and Usman are pissed off about who the other chats with on social media. Lisa is jealous of the fans. Usman is pissed that she is friends with male strippers online. Lisa says that Usman has disrespected his entire family by chatting with a porn star online. I am getting a headache from all the yelling. Usman basically says that the porn star has 2.3 million followers and she reposted his music. So he must thank her and speak to her even if she walks around naked every day for the rest of her life. lol.
Then Shauna asks Usman if he is planning to take more wives. I feel like right now he just wants to give this one back. He hesitates and says that if Lisa can’t have children then he will take another wife to have children. Lisa says she is aware of that. However, before he can take a second wife he must be able to fully support the first wife. So don’t hold your breath. Lisa says he can’t get married in the US to another wife. Usman says his second wife must come from his hometown. Lisa says each wife would have her own house. So she freaks out when he chats with fans on social media but will be fine with a second wife. Got it. Come on. We have other people to get to. Usman now says he has no desire to live in the US. WTF? Lisa doesn’t answer the question about her living in Nigeria. Usman says he loves Lisa and hopes to be with her for the rest of his life.
David & Lana
David doesn’t know where Lana is. It’s been six days since they last had contact. David says that they don’t speak on the phone because Lana doesn’t speak English. Could he have not learned Russian in the last seven years? David says Lana is “not very communicative” about what is going on with her. I know what is going on with her. She’s working at the dating sites. I got sucked into a whole pit of Youtubes today where a Youtuber found her on the dating sites and started a fake relationship with her to catfish her.
David CRIES when they play the package back. This man needs therapy. Ed tries to explain to David that the websites are scams. David says Lana is still on the websites, only to talk to her friends. He doesn’t think she gets paid. She does get paid. David thinks those are her only friends. They are actually her johns. David has been to Ukraine over 20 times. He’s spent at least $300,000 on Ukrainian women. David says Lana doesn’t use the iPhone because of her long nails. At this point all Ed and Usman can do is laugh. Ed has tried to be nice to him, but he’s just so naive. Now David is pissed at Ed. Everyone tries to get Ed to stop throwing facts in David’s face.
Caesar from Before the 90 Days season 3 Skypes in. He fell for the same scam David did. In fact, David spoke to Maria, the girl who catfished Caesar, on the same website five years ago. That was the same time that Caesar was with Maria. David says he has talked to over a thousand women on the website Caeser flew to Ukraine and met Maria eventually. Usman tries to talk sense to David. Stephanie is blathering again about her mother is from Czech Republic and married her dad for a green card. David says that they are not together. But they are still engaged. Huh? He still thinks they will get back together.
Off to the next recap!