So I just wandered down the street trying to find a human. I could not get my canister of rice open. I tried everything and I was determined. Hot Hipster guy was on his porch with a couple of women. He opened it with his fingertips. It was embarrassing. In so many ways. First it was the first time I had ever spoken to Hot Hipster Guy (though I mention him here an on Twitter sometimes. He was super nice and so were the women. Then I waddled my fat old ass back home. I’m making the rice for Banjo who is on a hunger strike. And acting weird. Anyway, let’s knock out this RHOBH recap and get on with the show!
Women On A Mission
It seems every year, the LA Mission, that provides food for the needy, seems to honor a RHOBH in exchange for publicity. Seriously, I think they have all been honored and they were running out of nominees until Garcelle showed up. And every time we go to one of these functions, it’s an embarrassing shit show. I expect nothing less this time. Since Rinna and Garcelle are riding together we have to catch Garcelle up on the Denise drama. Garcelle and Denise are allied against Kyle. Kyle seemed really shocked when Garcelle went on WWHL and trashed her a bit. She claimed she had no idea that Garcelle had an issue with her during filming.
Oh the event is indoors this year. Usually it’s outdoors. Dorit is sick so she’s not coming. Garcelles boys are adorable. I feel sorry for Teddi having to film while pregnant. Who wants to get all gussied up and go to a boring awards ceremony when you are that pregnant. Ali Landry introduced Garcelle. We learn that Garcelle has another son who is 28! He went through a period of drug abuse but he is doing better now. Garcelle thanks her new friends, but some of them not so much. It’s a stab at Kyle. The podium is not the place to start a stupid housewives fight. Just accept your award and sit your ass down. Erika missed the speech because she was in the bathroom
Denise & Aaron Are Such A Cute Couple…On A Surface Level
Denise is the first to depart. She has to be at work at 6 am. Kyle seems to have an attitude about that. Please. She showed up, endured the speech and she has a husband and kids at home. Why must everything everyone does be held up for scrutiny? Let the woman live. Garcelle tells Kyle that she feels like they haven’t really gotten to know each other and everything is very “surface level.” Erika who is Team Kyle explains that Garcelle has missed a lot of filming and they haven’t spent much time together. Garcelle thinks Kyle isn’t interested in getting to know her. Kyle seems hurt. And so does Garcelle. Can’t they just make a date for the two of them? Sutton basically volunteers to be Garcelle’s Teddi and everyone laughs.
Denise and Aaron go out for a casual dinner and she catches him up on all the RHOBH drama. Starting with Santa Barbara. Aaron gets pissed at Teddi. Then he finds out that Rinna called her a hypocrite. Rinna is her good friend. I am disappointed in Rinna for that. Aaron does not want to go to Kyle’s BBQ. Then he proceeds to ask for A1 sauce for his filet mignon. Oh Aaron, A1 sauce is strictly for use in the privacy of your own home. Otherwise you are asking for ridicule. I really like Aaron. But apparently, based on that one dinner, he’s a lunatic.
Kyle Clearly Doesn’t Know What A BBQ Is
Ah, I had forgotten about Kyle Richard’s BBQs. You aren’t going to find Maurico flipping burgers and drinking beer from a can. Instead there will be a dozen hired catering people and covered silver serving dishes, and gobs of floral arrangements and a bartender and Kyle in full glam. Rinna and Erika are on the way and looking forward to a hot dog. Um, I don’t think that is in the cards, ladies. Everyone’s kids are invited and Dorit’s kids are precious. Garcelle’s boys are impressed with Kyle’s house and one of them tells his mom, “This house is way better than ours.” True. But, OUCH! Maurico is not even there.
Denise and Aaron decide not to bring their kids. Denise says either way it will be an issue. Neither one of them want to be going. They are already planning to bail and go out to dinner. Aaron gives Kyle a hostess gift. It’s one of his weirdo things. I’m not even going to try to explain it. He’s weirder than Shannon Beador and that is saying a lot.
Who Is Mom Shaming Who Here?
Poor Teddi. They are sitting a luxurious table but all of the seating is on the ground. Not really great for a pregnant lady. Garcelle asks Denise where her kids are and she says, “Do your really think I would bring them about them again?” Couldn’t she just give the same answer she gave Kyle? On playdates and spend the night parties? Kyle and Teddi are offended. Garcelle is standing up for Denise. Teddi is going hard on Denise. Really? Why. Eventually Aaron puts an end to the attacks on Denise. As he should. All he said was “let’s talk about something else. And Teddi’s talking head is all about Aaron putting women down? Is this a bad edit or is Teddi being completely ridiculous?
Kyle is dead wrong here. Denise is not “mom shaming” her. And where the fuck are HER kids by the way? If Denise decides not to take her kids to a filming event, that is simply all it is. Everyone ELSE has been mom shaming Denise for the past three episodes. LAY OFF KYLE. And stop making me agree with the lunatic with the giant penis! Please and THANK YOU! Then, Denise throws and F bomb in front of Dorit’s kid, who is just stunningly adorable. Oh Denise. Really? Then Aaron starts babbling nonsensically for no apparent reason. He’s so odd. Erika wonders is Aaron is on drugs.
And The Weirdest Walk Of Ever In The History Of Bravo!
After Aaron offers his nonsensical words of wisdom to the ladies. Teddi made a minor snarky comment like Gee thanks, Aaron or something. Denise starts losing her shit on Teddi! Denise says she is leaving. She orders Aaron to get up and off they go. Oddly, Denise orders Aaron not to say another word because they are still miked and on camera. Kyle goes chasing after them as does Rinna. And Dorit. And Sutton.
Instead of a preview for next week, we get a preview of the second half of the season and it looks AMAZING!
P.S. Banjo ate the rice. 🙂