Hi everyone, it’s Nanette. Because I am pinch hitting for Tamara, I will describe this episode in the words of former Yankee catcher, Yogi Berra: It’s like déjà vu all over again. Let’s get to this belated RHOBH recap
Garcelle and four of her “ride-or-die core of friends” meet at Cattle & Claw (promo shot) restaurant in Beverly Hills to catch up. Among the tightknit crew are Lisa, Garcelle’s production partner, and Sheree, Will Smith’s former wife. We learn that Garcelle dated Will Smith before she knew Sheree. These girls supported her after she was blindsided by her ex-husband’s affair. You know, like real friends do.
Kyle is playing with her dogs on her vast lawn when Erika calls to ask the hour of her birth so that her astrologer, Shawn, can draw up her astrological chart. The ladies will be meeting at Erika and Tom Girardi’s tasteful 1920s Pasadena manse for a reading. Let’s hope it’s not a repeat of the Alison Dubois psychic reading.
And All That Jazz
Denise and oldest daughter, Sami, discuss the Homecoming “real date” she is getting dolled up for. Sami looks gorgeous without any glam. Denise says she is struggling to raise the now-teenaged girls. Denise tells us that when she married Charlie Sheen, he was sober. She filed for divorce when pregnant with second daughter, Lola, as he began acting weird and … not winning.
Dance coach Greg is working with Erika on one of her Roxie Hart numbers for “Chicago.” (Her run was cut short by the coronavirus shutdown.) Greg shows Erika a sweet welcome message from her future castmates, including jazz hands. Erika tears up.
Harry Hamlin has a new Range Rover, just like the old days. Rinna says they’ve all had family and individual therapy. She wants to pull out one of Harry Hamlin’s facial hairs. He wants her to work on the blackheads on his back. Where is the glam squad when you really need them?
It’s All Over But the Pool Chase
Dorit drives up in a little white bullet. I only can imagine what happened to her $200k rose gold Bentley convertible … Dorit is meeting with Robert Earl, the CEO of Buca di Beppo restaurants to discuss the opportunity for her to design a room for one of his restaurants.
Earl fought to restore Buca to its former tacky glory when he took over the “red sauce” chain in 2008. Dorit should be in her wheelhouse. Just plaster the walls with logo-laden photos of herself – the epitome of tacky chic.
PK arrives from the airport and Dorit says he looks good. Earl says he looks swollen. Earl explains he wants to gauge Dorit’s level of commitment and remind them that this is a business, not a vanity project. PK says you have to “speculate to accumulate” (with other people’s money) and Earl says “absolutely not!”
Seeing double, acting stupid
Over cocktails before the main event, Erika briefs Tom on the ladies coming to the reading. She says Denise is especially excited to meet him.Erika rises to meet the first trio: Dorit wears LV logo-printed (surprise!) evening pajamas; Garcelle is stunning in a hot pink velvet coat dress. and Rinna and Erika wear the same bright pink and cream brocade coat dress!
We cut to Erika’s talking head with a droll “really…?” Tom looks … mildly amused … like an adult at a kids birthday party. I expect Dorit to come up with something deep, like “the three of you could almost be twins!” In my mind, she says it. On the ride over, Kyle tells Sutton and Teddi she wonders which Denise we will see tonight, the laidback chill Denise or the coming-in-hot Denise. The ladies déjà vu again over the WTF glam argument between Kyle and Denise.
A Lawyer and a Cowboy Walk Into a Bar …
Over appetizers, Kyle compliments Tom on his lovely home, “very Old Hollywood,” which leads to a chat about how the history of Kyle’s house is connected to John Wayne. Tom entertains the ladies with a story of how he went to high school with Wayne’s son Pat and what John Wayne said when they met, which Tom does in Wayne’s voice. Pat got Tom a part in a western where Tom was shot and fell off a roof, no stunt double. Garcelle tells Tom he is a “good storyteller,” (a hallmark of every great lawyer).
Denise arrives late because she was involved in the Homecoming prep. She is very excited to meet Tom. She tells him he is the only lawyer she loves. Denise was teaching Sami how to “shrink” so she won’t tower over her date. Noe, noe, noe, Denise. Wrong message to teach your daughter, she should run from a guy with insecurities about his height. Just ask Katie Holmes.
A Dark Moon Arising
The ladies gather at the table, where astrologer Shawn tells them about their charts. Everything he says describes the ladies we have seen with uncanny accuracy. Shawn tells Kyle her sun, moon, and rising signs make her consistent and practical, with direct honesty. But what really gets her worked up is seeing someone treated unfairly. That’s the Kyle we have known for years! Dorit can’t contain her comment, “He was spot on, until he said you were fair.” WTF? Kyle shrugs that off with, “Eh, he’s the expert.”
Denise’s chart indicates a person who has a friendly, open, loving side and a hidden side, with the most to reveal. With a Scorpio moon, that tracks. Scorpio’s middle name is “secret.” She will keep a calm front, but if someone betrays her trust, she will secretly plot how to get even. Kyle, off-screen, wonders what plan Denise has for her.
Star Crossed Friends, Not Lovers
Shawn gets to Teddi, a Cancer. He says her chart shows that, in a group, she will gravitate to one person. Likely an Earth sign (like Capricorn Kyle). Sutton is an “opinionated” Virgo, another Earth sign. Cancers, Capricorns and Virgos are simpatico. (Maybe the three of them can be twins!)
I’ve heard the Witches of WeHo wine company has an opening. Dorit should be a shoo-in. Not since the witches of Macbeth has a bitch worked so assiduously to stir the poison cauldron. Tonight, it starts with the “until fair.” She asks why Kyle “glazes over” Garcelle, (another fight). She brings up the brouhaha she caused three nights earlier at dinner after the DNA launch when she misrepresented what Sutton said. Sutton’s reaction gets her an admonishment from Erika. Sutton apologizes; Dorit does not. Yet, they say Kyle has a different standard for Teddi!
Dogpile on Kyle
Dorit has more stupid to share about Kyle and Teddi. “Didn’t you, last year, go to couples therapy?” Dorit asks. Kyle tries in vain to explain the difference between two (a couple) pals getting guidance on handling anxiety and partners (a couple) working on their relationship in couples therapy. Dorit doesn’t get it. Rinna, Denise and Garcelle leave and rip Kyle on the ride home. Garcelle says Kyle’s outfit was “hideous.” They say Kyle never listens, Kyle talks at you, not with you, Kyle always makes it all about her …
Back inside, Dorit and Erika pile it on some more. Erika defends Dorit’s idiocy as a “component to the package deal” of Teddi and Kyle; she says their relationship is “strange.” Kyle asks why, is it because Erika has no good friends? Oh, boy. Erika says she won’t even be insulted by something so wild. She says, that, actually, she does have good friends and, actually, she considers Kyle to be one of them. We end as Kyle wipes her tears.
Next week: Ladies trip to Santa Barbara; girls gone wild on surrey bikes; random boys dive off deck; dead horse beating at dinner … again.