I am clearly not trying to hide the crazy anymore AT ALL and I used to try to a little bit. First of all, I’d like to tell you that I sent someone dick pics. I’ve been on this thing we call the Internet for a couple of decades now and never sent or received any dick pics until last night. My first thought was OMG I have to tell you guys about the dick pics. My second thought was sleep it off, no one is amused by your drunk posts. But morning has broken and I STILL WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE DICK PICS. Stay with me here. I will not be posting them but remember Bruno from Below Deck Med? He was gorgeous and had a nice mama and was… I dunno Italian or something? Welp. He’s a gay porn star now.
And well the best people on planet earth are gay guys. I’d be a lot less annoyed and REALLY less annoying if the world was just me and gay guys. And one of those guys sent me a dick pic link and I forwarded the link to my imaginary gay husband. It wasn’t like it was the greatest dick in the world. But it was huge and flaccid. That is all you really need to know about that. Except he has a fantastic set of abs. But what must Bruno’s mama be thinking now?
I have a couple other random things I’d like to discuss before I go back to bed. I only got up to see Just Sam from American Idol on Live With Kelly & Ryan which I taped and is on pause. I live in a little neighborhood with tons of squirrels and birds. Many times I have told my imaginary gay husband that I am just sitting here watching the squirrels fighting and fucking my tree outside my window. But when I turned the sun on for Banjo this morning, there were almost a dozen squirrels in my front yard. It was weird. Then cam a TON of birds from all religious bird denominations. And by the time I wrote this they were all gone.
Then I witnessed a strange social distancing moment. (oh my own personal squirrels are back now, it seem the war was won wtf was that about? The birds are back walking around my front yard and not anyone else’s). So everyone in the hood is unemployed at this point so I see new weird people walking or walking a dog. I guess because it was early, no one felt like they should be wearing a mask. But then two people sort of rand into each other and there was a social distancing standoff. It wasn’t a conflict it was more of “No you go the other way.” sort of thing. It was eventually resolved with both parties maintaining social distancing.
Also I would like to thank MizGrandma (God I hope I have that right) . Lawn Kid has been back around. On of my neighbors sent someone to cut their lawn and mine. We sort of look after each other like that. If one of us gets the grass cut we do the others. So mine was done and he knocked anyway asking if I had anything to drink. I’m sort of water and wine person (with Mexican co-colas when I can get them) and he is underage so all I had was a few La Croix (tangerine waters). So I gave him those and he left and I realized he was hungry so I remembered I still had granola bars and poptarts left and some other things from MizGrandma . I texted him (via my imaginary cell phone IP thingy online) and he came back at got them and was super grateful. Thanks MizG for that.
Okay I’ll shutup now. But thanks you guys for taking such good care of me. I appreciate it so much.