I am clearly not trying to hide the crazy anymore AT ALL and I used to try to a little bit. First of all, I’d like to tell you that I sent someone dick pics. I’ve been on this thing we call the Internet for a couple of decades now and never sent or received any dick pics until last night. My first thought was OMG I have to tell you guys about the dick pics. My second thought was sleep it off, no one is amused by your drunk posts. But morning has broken and I STILL WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE DICK PICS. Stay with me here. I will not be posting them but remember Bruno from Below Deck Med? He was gorgeous and had a nice mama and was… I dunno Italian or something? Welp. He’s a gay porn star now.
And well the best people on planet earth are gay guys. I’d be a lot less annoyed and REALLY less annoying if the world was just me and gay guys. And one of those guys sent me a dick pic link and I forwarded the link to my imaginary gay husband. It wasn’t like it was the greatest dick in the world. But it was huge and flaccid. That is all you really need to know about that. Except he has a fantastic set of abs. But what must Bruno’s mama be thinking now?
I have a couple other random things I’d like to discuss before I go back to bed. I only got up to see Just Sam from American Idol on Live With Kelly & Ryan which I taped and is on pause. I live in a little neighborhood with tons of squirrels and birds. Many times I have told my imaginary gay husband that I am just sitting here watching the squirrels fighting and fucking my tree outside my window. But when I turned the sun on for Banjo this morning, there were almost a dozen squirrels in my front yard. It was weird. Then cam a TON of birds from all religious bird denominations. And by the time I wrote this they were all gone.
Then I witnessed a strange social distancing moment. (oh my own personal squirrels are back now, it seem the war was won wtf was that about? The birds are back walking around my front yard and not anyone else’s). So everyone in the hood is unemployed at this point so I see new weird people walking or walking a dog. I guess because it was early, no one felt like they should be wearing a mask. But then two people sort of rand into each other and there was a social distancing standoff. It wasn’t a conflict it was more of “No you go the other way.” sort of thing. It was eventually resolved with both parties maintaining social distancing.
Also I would like to thank MizGrandma (God I hope I have that right) . Lawn Kid has been back around. On of my neighbors sent someone to cut their lawn and mine. We sort of look after each other like that. If one of us gets the grass cut we do the others. So mine was done and he knocked anyway asking if I had anything to drink. I’m sort of water and wine person (with Mexican co-colas when I can get them) and he is underage so all I had was a few La Croix (tangerine waters). So I gave him those and he left and I realized he was hungry so I remembered I still had granola bars and poptarts left and some other things from MizGrandma . I texted him (via my imaginary cell phone IP thingy online) and he came back at got them and was super grateful. Thanks MizG for that.
Okay I’ll shutup now. But thanks you guys for taking such good care of me. I appreciate it so much.
OMG I just had an ad for a little Mazda convertible that is only $23K. Why do I want this I never drive and am leaving for parts unknown soon? My 2007 Honda has like 25K miles on it MAYBE. Is this a midlife um old people crisis?
If I can pull you some articles, which email to send them to?
tamaratattles on the gee mail
Gotcha!
xo ~tt
.#BBS Mazdas in Morocco,
Due to social distancing and the price of flights a Mazda may take up more than one seat on a plane……just saying!!!!
if you buy it can I bid on your Honda?
I bought a Mini Cooper last fall and I historically drive everything into the dirt. Sold my ’05 mom crossover Equinox, btw she never did me wrong and probably could have have kept going for many years but….I have always bought (well, not always…had a Bug first, first love, then a Charger) but after I became a mom in ’88 always practical without a mini VAN! Yes it is a mid life crisis and I’m so glad I planned and saved for her. If a bird craps on her I AM PISSED! I knew if I didn’t do it now I wouldn’t be able to get in and out…lol! I love her so much! Take your time, study up a bit but just know when it’s time, you’ll fall hard and buy that supercharged sister! She will bring you joy!
Buy a Malibu covertible instead. Built in Fairfax near Kansas City.
Im going back to bed now.
I am not a car person. Never go anywhere anymore. I drove to a casino once that is somewhere out side of Memphis or somewhere. On the way back I found out Michael Jackson died. It was all over the radio. That made the ride home kinda eerie. I have barely 25K on the car, it’s a 2007. I was just shocked that this cute Mazda was only 23K. I don’t need a car. But… that cute little ad made we want one. Plus I could get money off on the trade in… lol . That cute car deserves a garage though and I don’t have one.
Do they have Carvana near you? They deliver and have a 7-day return policy or something. I kind of want to order a car a week just to try and ask them to grab Chinese in their way.
Blech. “On” their way.
My imaginary gay husband rarely gives unsolicited advice. But he just emailed me to say “don’t drunk buy a car” that kind of makes me want to do it more. But okay FINE. But the next car I buy, if I ever buy another care will be that one. It’s adorable and only 23K ! This seems like a bargain to me and I like bargains! And Mazdas have great pick. My shitty Honda will not get up and go when I have to merge into interstate traffic. I miss the Zoom Zoom of my Mazda. I don’t see ever buying a car again for real though. I want to get the fuck out of here.
*great pick up
My 1992 Honda Accord lives around the block with a friend, Joey, who I gave it to after he helped us move. I was going to have to junk it. That MF COOKS! Still has the original engine, but Joey fixed everything that would have nickel and dimed me into the poorhouse. I LOVE that car. It’s so much better than my 1998 Toyota Corona. They each have about 230,000 miles. I keep my cars a very long time. Because … poor. But as long as they run, I am HAPPY! I REALLY wish I had our 1956 Ford Victoria — white w/turquoise and white interior — my favorite car ever.
I kind of stupidly gave my Mazda away to the lawn guy. He has several cars it is kind of his thing. But he takes the blueberry to NOLA and back all the time because of the mileage and pickup.
I miss the blueberry but the interior was deteriorating badly.
I am not going to drunk by a convertible.
I am not going to drunk by a convertible.
I am not going to drunk by a convertible.
Your imaginary gay husband gives great (and sparing, only when important) advice.
What did he say about the dick pics?
I might be in minority but I say if it is a dream car do it. With all the crazy going on in the world live it up while you can. If you move then sell it! Maybe all this car talk has me in car envy. Since I totaled my car in Feb. I have not been able to afford a car & I am sick of hoofing it. Wish I lived in an area where I could walk to things like a grocery store but there isn’t one for 10 miles. Grocery store closed right before this crazy stuff. Anyway I say live it up if you can girl!!
I was just briefly enamored with the car and surprised it was so cheap. I do not need a new car, my Honda will last forever since I do not drive anywhere except the grocery store and the therapy pool when life is normal and not at all while in quarantine. Prior to all of this I thought about repainting the Honda, but I really don’t even need to waste money on that.
I wish he had emailed me in March not to buy things online at 2:00 am like 40 rolls of Bounty and
$200 worth of organic ground beef for TWO people.
LOL WTG girl..
Hey I’ve read a lot of groaning in here about staying at home.
Yesterday I went to a gathering of 10 ppl or less. Everyone tried to abide by the rules but as groups leaving the building overlapped with people entering, hugs happened. From
a covid place it turned into a mess.
I showered and then slept until this morning.
Thinking I am dead. Ha Ha
Our homes are the places we love returning to, it’s safe, it contains the items we treasure. It is where we can be ourselves. We can do most things in our homes we do outside.
No we can’t swim unless we have a pool. But hey, you can find the joy of home again. Soon you will back to the grind, don’t rush it.
This is a different virus that might be with us forever, if that is true many of us will be sick.
Enjoy today, I’m grateful to see the sun.
When we went out for essentials yesterday, I saw a 4-DOOR Porshe! I thought I was hallucinating. From the front and back, it looked like a regular Porshe! The Fiancée confirmed it was real. I need to investigate. Either I notice new things right away or I am the sleep-walking Rip van Winkle.
More importantly, did you like it? The old models online look kinda cool.
Yes. It was really nice. But I prefer my old 4-door Honda Accords. And my first car, a 1965 VW notchback, only sold in Europe. I LOVED that one so much.
Bravo yes I’ve seen that car. It’s Porsche’s answer to the SUV. I loved the look.
I needed this post it made me laugh.
They finally opened the island side of the harbor this weekend where Beau and I walk near the water. We had been feeding this squirrel before they closed it and this squirrel would come right up to us for potato chips. My Golden would sit there so still so he would come over. So cute Tamara, try feeding.
I wondered how you made it so many years without a dick pick but then I remembered you don’t do the texting. Guys are waaayy to comfortable sending unsolicited dick pics via text message. Well congrats on your first one I guess?
Tamara-It’s amazing to see your spunk peeking through your cloudy days. I hope it’s ok if I vent for a second. On Monday April 27 I had kyphoplasty surgery to repair the compression fracture in mY T-8 vertebrae. The surgery went well with a little expected discomfort. Then I started having an all to familiar pain and intense back spasms. I called my surgeon and said I think I fractured T-7. On a Friday I had an MRI and got the results today. T-7 has a compression fracture. Thank goodness my doctor listens to me. Hopefully I can get all my pre-op surgical clearance tests done and have the surgery the beginning of next week. I don’t know what I did in the few days after the surgery but because of my severe osteoporosis my bones are super brittle. To all of TT’s followers I can not stress the importance of keeping your bones and teeth healthy. Although my liver issues have been a huge contributor to my bone condition, once osteoporosis takes hold it will break you! Thank you for letting me complain. We all have our own struggles and it’s comforting to know there is a hand to grab onto when we are lost in the dark.
“My heart holds a prayer that carries you friend”
“Here’s to you—steadier, stronger and better every day.”
Geez Louise! Hope you feel better!! Wow a horrible time to go through all of that!!
Thanks for the warning, you’re absolutely right. I keep thinking lately that I’ve gotta pay more attention.
Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) helps with that. My drug of choice is Premarin; have been on it 32 years. Should have been on it 39 years; stupid doctors. Have recently been on a yogurt kick since I found a deal on a yogurt machine. My old one is somewhere maybe in a freight container in the back 40. Used to make it almost every day in the tropics where it was so hot no machine necessary & it took only a couple of hours. Had a killer starter then, but when I came back to the U.S. my idiot son-in-law, the one I’ve vowed to outlive so I can pick out a better husband for my elder daughter, threw that & my sourdough starter out when he saw them in my fridge in 1994 when he & his kids were freeloading again in my house because he thought they were something going bad. So, anyway, I’ve been experimenting with different flavors, & so far Fly Boy has liked them all. I’m partial to the one with a touch of vanilla, honey, coffee & a hunk of Nutella on the bottom to mix with the spoon. I’ve ordered some Nido whole dried milk so I won’t have to fiddle with heating liquid milk in the future, & can mix it thick for instant Greek yogurt. Loving the kitchen play, even though our passive-aggressive contractor hasn’t finished it & has installed most of the electric outlets so they do not function & has not even applied for the permits even though he was supposed to do that in January & has lied about it ever since.
I am so sorry to hear about the new injury and subsequent surgery. YES, you are so fortunate that you have found a doctor who LISTENS to you. Best wishes for a successful surgery and NO NEW INJURIES!
Because I had cancer, my oncologist orders a bone density test every 9 months. The cancer meds I take are prone to eating away at bones. I also have to take cancer supplements. Just another ongoing worry to add to the neverending list. Do you get regular bone density test? Wishing for a speedy recovery for you. Lucky you have a dr that cares and listens.
Daintyfeets- I do get bone density tests every few years because insurance only allows the test every few years: it’s difficult to understand the parameters used to calculate the bone density so a few years ago I asked I am 47yrs old, what age are my bones equal to? I was told 95 years old. Yikes,
Hi Daintyfeets
Thank you for your kind words and understanding of how I felt last week.
You gave me a BIG virtual hug,as at that time I did not feel safe.
Take care and look after yourself.
Kerry ~ You are such a warrior! I pray fro a speedy recovery and you become pain free! You will be in my thoughts.
Keep us updated. I haven’t been feeling well, so haven’t commented, but read here everyday.
Love all of you.
<3
@Laila – Hope you are also going to keep the tribe updated on your recover?
Take care and stay safe x
Hang in there. Had back surgery on l4-l5 in Oct. Was a passenger in car accident day after I got out of hospital. My discs collapsed but had to wait 2 months for revision, new work because of a staph infection & it was a long 2 months. I hope you get to have surgery ASAP. You will be in my thoughts that pain isn’t too bad. Hang in there! So sorry you are having to go thru this 💕
I watched Just Sam and didn’t want to say anything, because no spoilers. She is awesome.
Apparently the planets are aligned because I’m watching Jeopardy and killing it. Or it was aimed at dumb people. It made me briefly feel smart.
@Kerry, I’ve had the back/hip spasms, and it was horrible. Happy to know you are recovering.
No Spoilers, Rioja, Killing Eve, American idol went down the toilet due to cockwombler’s
I’ve said twatwaffle and cuntsatchel in front of my husband. I’m afraid if I add cockwombler to my vocabulary it would be too much. I’ll think it though, it’s my new favorite word.
i love jeapordy! except for james holzhaur…
He is creepy. He gives off serial killer vibes.
Had a mini breakdown yesterday. Ooops… two days ago! It is after midnight and my birthday. Barf.
Cried in my room holding my Simon’s ashes. Someone on Reddit mentioned that their 22 year old cat had passed in its sleep and I just lost it. It may have been the two sips of vodka I had. It was mid afternoon and I said I was going to do laundry. Nope!
I’m not even PMSing. My face was a blotchy mess – I ended up putting my under eye cover up all over my face.
Not having the ability to do my usual coping mechanism behaviors that I do when I live alone is rough. Even the not being able to walk nekkid to the bathroom is becoming annoying. I think I flashed my dad the other day.
Oh, and my driver’s license expires today and I have the option of renewing online where they use the old photograph. I DID NOT WAIT 5 YEARS WITH A SHITTY PICTURE FOR THIS.
I never take a good ID picture, but my driver’s licene is one of the WORST.
Oh, while I have boxed wine, I am down to only half a bottle of tequila. SHIT.
Lá Breithe Shona Duit – Happy Birthday
May you live a long life full of gladness and health, with a pocket full of gold as the least of your wealth,
May the dreams you hold dearest be the ones which come true, GOD!! I hope TEQUILA gets delivered to you. !!
Love your Irish blessings, Tuatha Tequila! 🍀
I think it worked! I took a glass of it up to my bedroom last night, and promptly fell asleep with my nightstand light on, etc. Just came up to get some cozy clothes on (the bra feels especially tight today, along with the jeans), and found said glass of tequila that I’d forgotten about! YES I DRANK IT! CHEERS!
“Sláinte!”
I’m trying real hard not to drink before 5 pm. It’s hard when you’re bored and why not have a swig of the vodka that someone left in the potting shed at 1 pm. Hold the mixer.
I haven’t been watching squirrels— my thing is chipmunks. They’re everywhere. I must be a terrible person, because I actually tried to run over one with a gator yesterday. If I was a better shot, I’d get into the gun closet and commence hunting.
On the subject of dick pics, I found a box hidden in the attic years ago full of returned love letters from old girlfriends who sent them back. The was an unfortunate Polaroid shot as well. Not flaccid and sort of hairy. The box disappeared, and I wish I had kept my mouth shut so I could go back and read the letters again.
Help the Irish woman out Kdwagz!!
I am confused “GATOR” There is a problem with translation.
Irish Image, You have a trained alligator on wheels, who lives in the potting shed, you both got drunk at 1pm and then chased chipmunks around the yard?????
I think a Gator is a type of golf cart that you can drive around or something similar to that
It’s a John Deere sort of rugged golf cart. You can tow crap and engage in other various red neck activities. After the 1pm vodka.
Thanks, I did not want a green neck activity of weird dreams after to much “naggin” whisky/whiskey
Isn’t that what the dad on Little People, Big World drives around his farm?
I’ve mentioned that I’m quarantining with my parents, I think. Found a letter from my cousin when she was in college. Re reading it – omg, she was a little bit of a whore! No mention of sex, but lots of mentions of the different frat guys she was dating and a mention that her roommates thought it was too much! LOL! I’m going to scan it and send it to her. I knew she had game, but my older eyes now realize she REALLY had game!
Erica no, I sincerely am sad for. You can carry on, you can do this. The sun comes up. Love & hugs
I’m better today, thanks! I’m not usually a easy crier. I’m more stoic type/peppy cheerleader type. I did finish off the cheetos that were accidentally left in one of our grocery deliveries two weeks ago. Seriously, salty cheesy crunchy stuff is my Kryptonite. My dad has potato chips in the house!
It is weird though… I had left my Simon’s ashes at my house (when I packed in March, I wanted to bring him, but thought I had him in the car. When I went back to my place to get some stuff the first time, he wasn’t by my bed where I thought he would be. I looked around but didn’t spot him. But I was distracted and in a hurry. Went back again a couple of weeks ago to get more of my mail and to get some warmer weather clothes, and I spotted him on the arm of the loveseat in my living room where in his younger years we would snuggle to watch TV. I don’t know how I missed him. May sound strange, but I’m sleeping better at night with him in the room!
It is probably a good thing that they’ve shut down adoptions during quarantine at the local shelters. I would have 3 or 4 kittens right now!
Thanks for the laugh! I have been down in the dumps with my oldest moving away.
i stopped trying to hide my crazy a long time ago. i saw you mentioned in the comments on cdan yesterday. i don’t know if this is allowed but i thought you would like to know.
Hiding the crazy? I answered the door in shorts and unshaven legs, with hair that was escaping my hair tie. Is pretty sure I will be mentioned during the therapy session. We had masks on, but you can’t hide everything.
Can you ask your therapist a question for me?
Why am I more worried this summer about chin lines rather than bikini lines.
I can’t talk to you until you have yourself waxed. People are worried about hair. How are the Housewives getting by without a butt wax (Rinna)? At least we can hide the chin lines with a mask.
Your not talking, Your typing.
Are you inviting me on a virtual girls spa day?
If I get the waxing, can I ignore the hair on my head, plus I have noticed as I am getting older my nose hair has sprouted to life.
I was actually thinking of a french plait for that with a quirky up and over do to blend in with my grey hair.
So how much of the body wax are we talking, full leg, half leg,??
I was actually concerned if wearing a mask all summer would give me chin lines?
What is my time frame for getting this wax?
You have made me giggle so much, thank you. You can do half leg, I don’t expect you to have your legs up in the air for the full wax. As you might know, there is a product out to wax your nose hair. It is aimed at gay men, but we menopausal women might need it too.
You got me at product out to wax your nose hair.
I’m In, half leg wax (both legs ) and a nose wax.
I’m only doing this for you due to the potato link,,,
I want a new car too. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of it for months now. I have a 2010 Accord fully loaded with 80K miles. It’s a great car but the new cars have so many cool features. I actually had an appointment to talk trade in and look for a new car before the virus hit. I rarely drive and don’t need a new car but the temptation is real. I’ve never tried to hide my crazy. In the immortal words of Julia Sugarbaker … In the south and we don’t hide our crazies, we sit them on the front porch and give them a cocktail
Thank you all for your support and care. The family Tamara Tattles has created has become appart of my life. The laughter, tough love, vulnerability and honesty of each of us is a gift I never knew I needed. Thank you Tamara and family!
Now there’s something for the wallet. In olden days of yore people of a certain age carried actual photographs of their loved ones. Anyway if you think it’s frame worthy send me an 8 x 10 in a plain brown wrapper. For the top of the piano.
Well my father in law is coming to visit on Thursday. I am so conflicted about that. He had repeatedly dogged my husband out to their family about every mistake he has made. But stands by his sister, who is an obvious pill head. I will be so nice, but I also want to say “Why have you told everyone about our dirty laundry?”. I’m kinda tired of it.
May those who love you, love you.
For those who don’t love you, May God turn their hearts.
And if God can’t turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles so we’ll know them by their limping!
Broken Irish is better than clever English -It is often that a person’s mouth broke his nose.
Thanks! I try to be nice polite lady my momma raised me to be, but my momma has never sold me out.
Tamara, if you see this … there is a bonus episode of Masked Singer on tonight. You and Banjo can sing along to you favorite performances of the season.
Nanette – I left you a reply in regard to your Irish translation of “went to shit.”
Thanks. I will try to find it. I have a file going.
I will be able to say/write “Kiss my ass and go fuck yourself, you pig shitters, since your life went to shit while I am enjoying the craic!” In Irish.
TT you cursed me in the dick pic department 😩 I joined a dating site during the pandemic and someone I knew IRL respond. We’ve been texting for a few weeks and last night came the dick pic. He still had his boxers on, but I could basically see it all. I hate it when I have to block fools.
Meh I am old, I’d take a dic pic lol.
Not this one. Trust me. 😬
Speaking of dick pics, does anyone remember the Plaster Casters? Noel Redding got freaked when the Plaster of Paris got hit and the cast turned out crooked. But long.
Lol I don’t, but that’s funny.
Google it. It was two girls in the 1960s. I remember Hendrix’s band because of the wobbly one. But there were several other bands that were immortalized in plaster.
Google: why are so many people googling Plaster Casters? I have to do it.