Hey guys it’s me Nanette! I am helping Tamara catch up, so please hold on tight as we ride the Ramonacoaster of this shitshow of emotions and bullshit with a belated RHOBH recap.
We start out where we left off — at Denise’s Doomed Diamond Dinner Party. Discussing Glamgate.
Kyle is trying to justify her anger at Dorit showing up to “work out” in full Barbie glam. Sutton fights to weigh in that this is more about the “I have a life, Kyle,” than the tardiness or outfit.
In defending herself, Kyle calls the ladies “fake-ass bitches” (and we later see her “ragamuffin” comment about Denise in the trailer). We see beginnings of the rift between Kyle and Denise and foreshadowing of Garcelle’s shade at Kyle.
Kyle’s “fake-ass bitches” comment leaves everyone but Teddi pissed. As Teddi defends Kyle, Rinna and Dorit turn on Teddi. If you are playing the drinking game, Rinna uses “Teddi” seven times in as many sentences.
“Who Me, Model?”
We next see Rinna checking out the DNA collection by her daughters, Amelia and Delilah. Amelia is home from NY for days and there is a collection, what? Rinna grabs a short top and skintight pants for photos in her classic leg lift pose.
Denise and Erika meet for lunch to sort out the “Threesome Talk.” We see a clip of Denise’s 15-year-old daughter, Sami, who tells her mom the kids were “dying of laughter.” Erika apologizes and Denise resolves to put the kids table inside next time.
Garcelle is preparing for a birthday party for her twin boys, who are turning 12. Ex-hubby Mike is there. None of that “$60-thousand ridiculous” party crap for her. She says her boys want soda and a doughnut “cake presentation.” Garcelle sucked it up after Mike’s affair “for the boys.” She thinks they don’t know about the affair, but … internet.
Lois Is In The House!
Rinna’s 91-“and a half”-year-old mother, Lois, is here to see her granddaughters launch their line. The ladies recon at Erika’s Clubhouse before the DNA presentation. Dorit is lugging around a mile-long braid. Kyle arrives and notes Sutton’s fabulous shoes are “like slippers.” Because everybody wears slippers with a 3-inch platform and 6-inch heels!
Rinna and Kyle walk off and Rinna apologizes to Kyle, who accepts the apology. Upon rejoining the group, Kyle announces the “girl’s trip to Santa Barbara” to celebrate the end of her movie.
As they ready to depart, Rinna discloses Lois has been to a strip club and announces her girls collaborated with “someone we all know.” At the mention of “collaboration” Sutton says she’s scared. As they descend the stairs of the bus outside the show, Sutton quietly tells Dorit that she is scared she will flip out. She fears “the makeup guy” will be there.
The Half-assed Apology Tour
Rinna acknowledges that the girls would not have a fashion line at their ages without celebrity parents, but it’s up to them to do the work. The girls won the genetic lottery, Harry’s intelligence and her hustle.
Rinna shows the ladies a bottle of wine labeled, “I LOOK HOT AF IN MY DNA (Rosé)” that is a collaboration with The Fat Jewish. Sutton is relieved to realize that Rinna’s makeup guy, Joey Maloof, is not the “surprise collaboration.”
Through flashbacks, we learn about Sutton’s “millions of dollars” business partnership with Maloof — business succeeded, relationship went badly. The week before, Sutton revealed her business past with Rinna’s makeup guy to Dorit, and later, to Erika and Teddi.
Meanwhile, Kyle, sitting with Denise and Lois, apologizes to Denise, who later calls it a “half-assed” apology that was all about Kyle, who never listens.
Dorit Plays Dirty
Off to dinner, where all goes sideways. Dorit calls out Sutton for her “flip out” remark, twisting it to a dramatic “I’m gonna freak the fuck out.” Dorit knows this is bullshit because she knows about the makeup guy. Nothing bad happened at the show.
That doesn’t stop Rinna from saying she would have kicked Sutton the fuck out. Because Sutton crossed a line with her kids. Again, nothing bad happened. Kyle sticks up for Sutton. Sutton explains “flip out” would mean she would cry and want to leave. She apologizes — for what? — again, nothing happened.
Sutton (I am liking her more with every episode) tells Dorit to shut up. She’s had her fun, “let the mouse go.” Sutton says this was a business thing and of every one seated, she thought Dorit would understand. (Because … shady business rumors, viral public pool chase videos, etc.)
Lois As Grandma Yoda
Dorit then performs verbal legerdemain by bringing up Glamgate and “fake-ass bitches” as a diversion. The word “truth” is overused, yet again. This leads to a spat between Kyle and Denise with Denise saying “I’m not fucking doing this.”
Off-scene we see the ITM of “I’m fucking Denise Richards, Kyle” and how she’s been on all of the good magazine covers. Why not say “and I survived being married to Charlie Sheen”?
We leave dinner on a light note as Rinna asks Lois for any sage advice. Lois says, “You will look back on all this and think, ‘Oh, god, that was crazy.’ And then you wake up and you’re 81.” Everyone laughs as Rinna points out to Lois that she is 91.
Then, Denise gives Kyle “the look.” And scene.
Next week: Garcelle’s friends want details on her dating life; PK and Dorit meet with their new Buca di Beppo “business partner”; Rinna dies as she Erika and wear the same dress; the Astrology Guy says Denise will plot to get even when her trust has been broken; Kyle wonders what Denise is planning for her.