Well, we’ve all survived for another RHONY Recap! So there is that. The bad weather seems to have missed me again, and I spent most of the day sleeping. I also went to the corner store today for beer as I am out of alcohol. The second I put on my mask I had difficulty standing up. My legs turned to jelly. It’s a two minute car ride to “the yellow store” It is where the many homeless in my area but their groceries, alcohol and beer. They have apparently limited their store hours during the pandemic.
There are always homeless people hanging out in the parking lot. I was freaking out because social distancing seemed very complicated. It’s been a rough day. But RHONY is the most popular show with you guys at the moment, so I am going to do my best to recap. According to the episode guide, a vibrator ends up in the chicken piccata. So at least there will be a bit of humor. My heart is acting kind of funky. Hopefully, it’s just anxiety, panic attack. Nonetheless, I may have to lie down.
Ramona’s tennis coach shows up and he is hot. And Italian. Luann and Ramona have a feisty tennis match. It’s a grudge match. Luann is truly getting her revenge. Ramona’s tennis coach apparently isn’t teaching her much. My heart will not stop quivering inside my chest. And I am burping, which I think is a bad sign. I never burp. Luann hits on the tennis coach and I am sure they will get together in NYC in the future. If he lives in Manhattan, how is he a tennis coach in the Hamptons? Oops, scratch that, the guy shot her down. And Luann speaks Italian and everything.
Ramona seems to think she can order Leah around like the hired help. Then she screams a Sonja. Luann says that she really wanted to drink yesterday and last night. There’s not really a lot to discuss so far. It’s a good episode, I just don’t have much to say about it.
Sonja has apparently hired TWO dog groomers to come give her dog a bath or whatever. This seems ridiculous to me. I gave up on Banjo baths ages ago. Luann is already throwing herself at the younger dog groomer. It seems the tennis coach is but a distant memory. There is an insane amount of soap on that dog. I don’t think he is really a dog groomer. A real dog groomer would not wash a dog in the kitchen sink of someone’s home who is not even the dog owner. She manages to get a neck masssage out of the deal.
Leah was offering to help Ramona get ready for dinner but Ramona now suddenly doesn’t need any help. Leah is relieved that don’t have to go to the big fancy party tonight and are all just staying in eating takeout. She says that she is just glad they don’t have to be with more weird white dudes tonight. Then, Jeff, a weirdo white dude walks in like he owns the place. Leah is not happy with Jeff. Tinsley seems like a good friend to Leah. The ladies play champagne pong. Sonja is already wasted.
Leah Should Never Drink Again
Leah is super drunk. She and Tinsley go skinny dipping with a bottles of champagne. Leah loses her ever loving mind. She’s trying to put out the tiki torches with champagne. She hates tiki torches because the “represent bullshit.” Then she pulls one out of the ground and throws it like a flame thrower. We would know all about the issues with tiki torches if we just read the news more, apparently. Then Sonja comes out and starts throwing tiki torches. What is wrong with these people? Sonja gets naked, grabs a bottle of champagne and gets in the pool.
Meanwhile inside the house we have drunk Dorinda rambling on about John. Ramona is picking at Dorinda like she is deliberately trying to wind her up. She asks Dorinda how she would feel if John were out at a party tonight getting women’s numbers. Dorinda calls Ramona an asshole. Ramona claims that women have told her that John has taken their numbers.
I should point out that apparently Elyse has been on this whole trip. She’s not uttered a single word on camera this episode. She’s a dud. Dorinda tells Leah she needs a boob lift. Then she discovers that Leah has angel wings tattooed around her vagina. Ramona decides to leave and go to the party by herself. Luann goes home. The next thing you know Leah is screaming at Sonja and Tinsley to drop their former husband’s names. This is giving me anxiety. This is just some ridiculous shit. Leah and Sonja both need to stop drinking. Like forever. Sonja can’t even go pee without Leah walking in and kneeling between her legs to keep screaming. Film crew just filming Sonja in the bathroom. That was just insane.
The next morning Leah doesn’t seem to recall that she is the one who trashed the house and the yard. Ramona is not amused. Sonja throws Leah under the bus to Ramona. Leah doesn’t seem remorseful. At least she cleaned the kitchen, I need her to come clean mine now.
Wait, next week Sonja is showing her relabeled Target overstock at NYFW? What has happened to NYFW?