I cannot believe it is already time for another RHOBH recap. Life is such a blur lately. I have good news to report! My anxiety has been so bad that I’ve been unable to eat for days. In a drunken depression I emailed my friend asking them to “send me something I will eat.” It came like the very next day. It was a bunch of Jose Andres foods! I got bread and ham and enough cheese and almonds to feed my entire neighborhood. I am slicing the bread and putting the ham and cheese and tomato on it and toasting it in the oven. It’s very tasty. NOTHING has tasted good lately. I am so grateful for this food. It’s helping so much. I’m almost out of wine but have this weird Spanish Rioja I drunk bought and it is a perfect pairing.
Also, I’m on my bright and shiny new laptop now. THAT was a total PITA to set up. I still don’t have it all done but enough for now. I feel better knowing I can stay in touch with you guys. You are my lifelines. I appreciate you all so much.
Black Girl Magic
Now on to the show. We begin tonight with Dorit’s ridiculous spin on her financial problems. Her last home wasn’t her “forever home” because it was not their house! She is so desperate for us to think she is rich. That is by all her clothes have giant logos on them. It’s sad really. Then PK seems to forget that he was run out of his country. I love this producers interview with the two of them. He is not holding back. They have no answers.
Garcelle is filmed riding around in the car with Ali Landy. While the name sounds familiar, I’m not sure what she has been in exactly. I Googled her IMdb and she really hasn’t done much in years. So why do I know her name? Garcelle is moving into a house in a newly built neighborhood. While the inside of the house is nice, the outside of all the houses is very… industrial. Are they drinking mini champagnes with a straw? Garcelle’s husband had a five year affair while they were married that lead to her divorce. I feel terrible for her.
Oh! Garcelle’s husband works for CAA the Entertainment cult that runs everything in Hollywood. She sent all of his colleagues and email about his “affair with some slut in Chicago” for five years. She does not play! I’m starting to like her a bit more.
Rinna and Teddi go for a hike. Amelia is suffering from anxiety and is flunking out of college and will probably be coming home. Do we need to put her business out on front street? This is sad. I guess she did post it on social media. Anxiety is no joke. It takes a lot of energy to overcome it. Oh, I should mention that we are all going to die again tomorrow. This time during the day. Just thought I would share, shelter is already set up from the last time. It’s April in Atlanta. They don’t call it the cruelest month for nothing.
Kyle and Sutton go out for dinner in NYC at a fancypants French restaurant, Vaucluse. I wish Kyle was not so buddy buddy with Sutton. I’m not a Sutton fan. Sutton doesn’t get the term “leisure wear” she suggest calling it “yacht wear.” Kyle shoots that down. I call it resort wear. Kyle sells the kinds of clothes you wear on an island vacation. And, I’m hear for it. That is until I heard she doesn’t carry anything above a size ten. Who the hell told her that was a solid business practice. It’s us fat old people who want to wear her muumuus and such! I know you read here Kyle, so you need to rethink this. We are older and have more money than anorexic kids. TOWANDA!
Rip Van Winkle
Sutton’s fancy education apparently did teach her the difference between Rumpelstiltskin and Rip Van Winkle. She also apparently thinks that there is a genre of music called “Yacht Rock.” I just find her so clueless and annoying. And not in the good way that Brandi was. I have a very rich friend who I didn’t know was FILTHY FUCKING RICH for the first few years of our friendship. It never came up in conversation. I mean I new he did well but, I had no idea how well for YEARS. Wealth whispers. But I do know for a fact that Sutton is loaded.
Denise is once again in court with Charlie over child support. Charlie filed the paperwork asking for less or no child support. Even though he hasn’t been paying her. She had to file a response that said he’s already not paying. So not he is being pissy again. Denise doesn’t want the drama of extended court hearings. Denise has a very painful hernia that needs surgery. She’s very nervous about it. It went fine, but we got lots of doped up scenes. She had FOUR hernias! Can I just point out that Denise has a lot on her plate and the RHOBH are coming after her for some petty dip in the lady pond rather than supporting her this season? At least her husband is amazing.
Erika and Garcelle get together for a sort of getting to know you meetup. Garcelle has boys in middle school and 28 year old son. That son is having a baby! So she just found out she is going to be a grandmother. Garcelle asks about sex with Tom who is 80. Erika says it is fine. I think Tom has someone else to have the sex with and Erika is just fine with that, allegedly. Why does Erika just have roots on the back of her head? It’s distracting. Where is her glam squad and how does that happen in just one place?Erika cries over Tom taking in her son when they got together. She’s a bit emotional. How old is she? Perimenopausal?
Erika Jayna got the part of Roxie Hart in Chicago. She’s so happy. Tom is going to come to NYC to see her every two weeks. Erika cries when Tom says he is proud of her. I love this marriage.
Teddi is having some weird kind of retreat. Rinna has previous engagements. Rinna tells Teddi not to be upset if people don’t come or come and leave early. Just don’t make it a thing.
Sutton is having some sort of store opening event. My God Rinna looks stunning in clothes. Who can pull off leather pants and a midriff at her age? No wonder she doesn’t eat. I don’t like anything that Sutton wears. Dorit looks great with her little flip hairdo. And her clothes aren’t screaming with logos. Good job, Dorit.
Erika is over the moon about being on Broadway. I’m so sad Broadway had to shut down early. I’m so sad NYC had to shut down at all. I hope I will be able to go back there one day. Though I’ll probably need a driver. I used to walk from sunup to sundown when I went there because I wanted to see all the things. I rarely took the subway and I would be so tired at night I would weep a bit in bed. And I liked to wear dresses and my thighs would be painfully chapped. Oh Rinna played Roxy Hart in 2007. I can totally see that.
I am not sure why the mayor of WeHo is there. Or why Sutton is so thrilled about it. My brain power is kind of running out for the day. There is a lot of activity at the Air Force Base tonight. That is never a good sign, IJS. Sutton complains to the mayor over parking tickets. Just obey the parking laws, bitch. There was a whole conversation where Teddi told the girls they didn’t have to come to the retreat if they don’t want too. I get what she is saying but this sends Sutton and some others into a frenzy.
Next time, Kyle returns to California and has a dinner party for all the ladies. And Teddi has a retreat? Maybe?