It’s time for the Top Chef recap and my blood pressure is through the roof. I am debating whether to do it now or just wait to die as seems to be the theme for tonight. I think I’ll watch some of of Jeopardy episodes and drink some more wine first. And perhaps some solitaire. Well, it is about 17 hours later and I am on my final episode of Jeopardy. So I guess I will get on with this recap. Please understand THIS IS NOT AN OPEN FORUM. Thanks. I am on a time out from all the sharing. 🙂 I just need a minute. Or you know a month, to collect myself.
I am so happy for homeboy Kevin’s win. I’ve never eaten at his restaurants but I will always root for him. However, my heart lies with Eric. So I need him to get some sort of redemption this week.
If Loving You Is Wong…
Randall Wong and Ali Park are here for the quick fire. It’s a fried rice quick fire. And the comedians are insisting that you use at least one nasty ingredient of their choice. Great. Just when I thought I might finally learn how to make fried riced. I told myself that I wasn’t going to include any stories today. But I am already thinking of Takee Outee. A Chinese place in Athens, GA when I was in school at UGA, for like half my life as my parents kept pointing out. Honestly. I had no desire to join THE WORLD. Until my graduate program where my major professor would not let me write about what I wanted to write about. And basically made me write his next book with him. So I was in no mood for a PhD. Otherwise I might still be there going to class and being a TA.
Back on topic, (sorry) I’d take the frog legs. For the record, I always ordered cat balls at Takee Outee. And the place had a normal name. But Takee Outee was emblazoned on the window to signify we could get take out. To this day I have no idea what cat balls were. I just pointed and they put it in the box. If they were indeed cat balls, they were delicious.
A Giant Jar of Wieners
Okay Kevin. You and your giant jar of wieners and cheetos made me laugh. I needed that. Kevin and his Cheeto and wiener fried rice for the motherfucking win. Kevin says, “Even if I don’t win, I’ll get to say the word wiener five times.” I am officially in love with Kevin. I may have to stalk him. You know if stalking is ever allowed again. However, I think my main man, Eric has the win.
Jamie (spam), and Nini (watermelon) were in the bottom. Kevin (GO HOMEBOY) and Eric (Go love of my life!) and Karen were in the top. Kevin and his wiener rice won! Sorry my love.
Off To The Getty…
When you teach at any grade level, you will be OBSERVED and CRITIQUED. One time when I was teaching college remedial reading, I did my observation lesson based on the Getty Museum. Looking back I have no idea why I chose that. But the whole Internet and white board thing barely existed and I wanted to use mine. Another fun fact, we discovered that the night janitor was using my Internet to surf porn. Okay, I’ll shut up now. Maybe. I drank my lunch. Stephanie is struggling with this challenge.
So, the chefs are going to the Getty. They will draw knives to see which of the four art movements they will use for their inspiration. Homeboy, Kevin seems to be the only one interested in art. Perhaps because he spends a lot of time at the High. If I live through this, I plan to stop putting off a personal field trip to go back. Where I will sit and look and cry. It’s a bit of Paris in my hometown. Sorry. I just need to talk about ANYTHING else. Is it me or is $250 a paltry sum at Whole Foods for this challenge?
The Judges Tasting
Ludo Lefebvre is the guest chef. Love him. The foreshadowing says Jaime is going home. However.. Lee Anne has way too many photos in the press photos for this week… IJS. When they give us a lot of photos, it’s never good. The judges are joined by Sara Kramer, Ray Garcia, Craig Thorton and Sarah Hymanson.
Wait stop. Why do two of the guest eaters one male, and one female have nose rings. I’m distracted. It’s like the same nose ring. Are they a thing? And also, gag me with a spoon. Holy fuck, is that Ludo with a nose ring? NOE. Just NOE, Ludo! Dayum. I can’t even talk about the chefs because the people at the table annoy me. There is also a man wearing a fucking hat at the fucking table. Argh (clearly I have not worked through my rage). The good news is Eric is in a group with a bunch of weak chefs who happen to be female. So he should be safe from the Colicchio Vagicide either way. Germy hat guy and whatshername love Eric. Eric could be top three.
Time For Someone To Pack Their Knives And Go
The top favorites of the four groups were, Brian Malarkey, Bryan Voltaggio, Melissa King, and the love of my Top Chef life, Eric Adjepong. Melissa wins. I suppose that is to make up for the fact that there are three women in the bottom. Lee Anne, Stephanie and Karen with Jaime the designated male. I knew Lee Anne was toast when I pulled the photos. The judges say that Karen is only up because Kevin had immunity. I don’t buy that, but whatever. Suddenly, the judges are nationally renowned art critics. Sigh. And I just can’t with Chef Ludo having a fucking nose ring. No one wants a chef with a nose ring.
Oh It’s Jaime. The Colicchio Vagicide has become such a thing they have decided to stop it. A woman wins a man goes home.
And now I am either going to nap in my sunny back yard or just go back to bed until I die.