Hey all you cool cats and kittens! (99.9% of you quarantined will get that). It’s time for another Summer House recap with our favorite overgrown partiers! Let the drinking and the beautiful people lure us into a state where we forget our social distancing reality.
We begin in the city with Luke and Carl meeting up to play some basketball. Thirsty Sarah is coming to the Hampton house this weekend, while Lindsay is partying in Mexico. So there’s that. Paige, Hannah, Jules and Amanda meet at Paige’s apartment for a girl’s night. Hannah confesses that she hung out with Luke a few nights prior. Paige is not pleased. Jules tells the girls that Jordan reached out, apologizing for his behavior. Hannah and Paige tell Jules that Jordan sent them a text asking them to take sides between Jules and himself. Jules is upset. She can’t understand how he is one way with her, then the complete opposite behind her back.
Take It Up With Production, Jordan
The gang, sans Lindsay, Kyle and Carl arrive at the Summer House. After getting the boot last week, Jordan weaseled his way into an invite to Kyle’s big birthday bash. It will be a fraternity theme, which suits our 37 year old Kyle perfectly. Good luck Amanda! I’m distracted by the awesome pool floats that my zoo needs this summer. They’re really going to go all out for this party.
Danielle arrives late, per usual. She quickly gets caught up with the Jules/Jordan drama. She asks Jordan why he asked Hannah to choose sides. He claims he didn’t but Hannah corrects him quickly. Jules takes him outside where Jordan cannot produce the texts to Hannah and Paige-shocker! They really should break the fourth wall here because Jordan is pissed that he doesn’t have a contract. Period. Jules finally catches on to that. She walks away from him, but not before letting him know that he’s pathetic.
Fixin For An Eviction
Kyle decrees himself to be the pledge master of the house. He teepee’s the yard, which is such a brutal thing to watch now. On last night’s Pump Rules they did that to Jax’s house. Remember when we took toilet paper for granted? It seems cruel to witness it two nights in a row. Sigh.
Kyle calls a house meeting in Paige’s room without Jules and Jordan. Hannah goes to bat for Jordan. Ewe. Paige goes to bat for Jules. Carl and Kyle vote to remove both. Paige feels like it’s mean to have a meeting on who to kick out of the house. Plus, she knows they have no real authority to kick anyone out. They all agree to see how the weekend plays out and take it from there.
Kyle Will Phi Beta Kappa Your Asses
Paige and Amanda stay home to finish baking Kyle’s cake while everyone else goes out. Hannah and Luke arrive home first. They immediately go to the hot tub to make out. Amanda and Paige spy on them. Paige is not happy to see Hannah falling for Luke.
It’s the day of Kyle’s birthday party! Oh snap, Carl gets a call from Sarah, who says she can’t make it to the party. Carl is upset to get the shaft from Sarah. It’s hard for him to be on the receiving end of his own behavior. Maybe Sarah isn’t so thirsty after all? Carl’s wrath then gets transferred to Jordan, who isn’t helping the gang set up for the party. I have to give them credit, it looks like a super fun party. If I were 20 years younger with few morals and a drinking problem! Live barnyard animals get dropped off at the party. Followed by Southern Charm animals Shep, Craig and Austen. The goats look like they smell better than Shep and Austen. Craig is perfect. He is a gorgeous sight for sore eyes.
Hang A Right To Fuck Off Mountain, Carl
Paige and Hannah have a drunken talk. Paige wants Hannah to stop downplaying the fact that she likes Luke. Hannah admits that she is starting to fall for him. Luke shows some jealousy when Hannah and Austen flirt. Poor Jules has spent the entire party looking for the girls of the house to party with. She roams around the house alone.
Jules finds Carl, who is the worst person to talk to at the moment. He just tried to call Sarah, who didn’t pick up the phone. Carl tells Jules that everyone is talking about her. He then kicks her and Jordan out of the house. Ummm…no mofo, you don’t have the power to do that. They signed contracts. At least Jules did. So you can take your misplaced anger at Jules and fuck right off! Poor Jules is pissed. Kyle, fresh off of peeing in a cup, comes over to break up the argument. Jules is angry and hurt that this is happening.
On next week’s Summer House recap: Everyone is dressed up in roaring 20’s costumes. Lindsay brings her new boyfriend Stephen to the house. HAHA FUCK YOU CARL! Hannah and Luke hook up. Luke then tells Carl and Kyle about it. Ugh. Lindsay and Paige get into an argument. That was a great episode.
I hope you all are doing well with all that is happening. I will be in and out of the comments as my 2 year old is turning 3 on Friday. So, I am trying to give him the best quarantined birthday a toddler can have, without friends and other family he really wants to see. Please keep commenting! I love, love, love to read them and respond. Stay safe and healthy everyone!