BY: POPCULTUREKELLY
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! (99.9% of you quarantined will get that). It’s time for another Summer House recap with our favorite overgrown partiers! Let the drinking and the beautiful people lure us into a state where we forget our social distancing reality.
We begin in the city with Luke and Carl meeting up to play some basketball. Thirsty Sarah is coming to the Hampton house this weekend, while Lindsay is partying in Mexico. So there’s that. Paige, Hannah, Jules and Amanda meet at Paige’s apartment for a girl’s night. Hannah confesses that she hung out with Luke a few nights prior. Paige is not pleased. Jules tells the girls that Jordan reached out, apologizing for his behavior. Hannah and Paige tell Jules that Jordan sent them a text asking them to take sides between Jules and himself. Jules is upset. She can’t understand how he is one way with her, then the complete opposite behind her back.
Take It Up With Production, Jordan
The gang, sans Lindsay, Kyle and Carl arrive at the Summer House. After getting the boot last week, Jordan weaseled his way into an invite to Kyle’s big birthday bash. It will be a fraternity theme, which suits our 37 year old Kyle perfectly. Good luck Amanda! I’m distracted by the awesome pool floats that my zoo needs this summer. They’re really going to go all out for this party.
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Danielle arrives late, per usual. She quickly gets caught up with the Jules/Jordan drama. She asks Jordan why he asked Hannah to choose sides. He claims he didn’t but Hannah corrects him quickly. Jules takes him outside where Jordan cannot produce the texts to Hannah and Paige-shocker! They really should break the fourth wall here because Jordan is pissed that he doesn’t have a contract. Period. Jules finally catches on to that. She walks away from him, but not before letting him know that he’s pathetic.
Fixin For An Eviction
Kyle decrees himself to be the pledge master of the house. He teepee’s the yard, which is such a brutal thing to watch now. On last night’s Pump Rules they did that to Jax’s house. Remember when we took toilet paper for granted? It seems cruel to witness it two nights in a row. Sigh.
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Kyle calls a house meeting in Paige’s room without Jules and Jordan. Hannah goes to bat for Jordan. Ewe. Paige goes to bat for Jules. Carl and Kyle vote to remove both. Paige feels like it’s mean to have a meeting on who to kick out of the house. Plus, she knows they have no real authority to kick anyone out. They all agree to see how the weekend plays out and take it from there.
Kyle Will Phi Beta Kappa Your Asses
Paige and Amanda stay home to finish baking Kyle’s cake while everyone else goes out. Hannah and Luke arrive home first. They immediately go to the hot tub to make out. Amanda and Paige spy on them. Paige is not happy to see Hannah falling for Luke.
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It’s the day of Kyle’s birthday party! Oh snap, Carl gets a call from Sarah, who says she can’t make it to the party. Carl is upset to get the shaft from Sarah. It’s hard for him to be on the receiving end of his own behavior. Maybe Sarah isn’t so thirsty after all? Carl’s wrath then gets transferred to Jordan, who isn’t helping the gang set up for the party. I have to give them credit, it looks like a super fun party. If I were 20 years younger with few morals and a drinking problem! Live barnyard animals get dropped off at the party. Followed by Southern Charm animals Shep, Craig and Austen. The goats look like they smell better than Shep and Austen. Craig is perfect. He is a gorgeous sight for sore eyes.
Hang A Right To Fuck Off Mountain, Carl
Paige and Hannah have a drunken talk. Paige wants Hannah to stop downplaying the fact that she likes Luke. Hannah admits that she is starting to fall for him. Luke shows some jealousy when Hannah and Austen flirt. Poor Jules has spent the entire party looking for the girls of the house to party with. She roams around the house alone.
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Jules finds Carl, who is the worst person to talk to at the moment. He just tried to call Sarah, who didn’t pick up the phone. Carl tells Jules that everyone is talking about her. He then kicks her and Jordan out of the house. Ummm…no mofo, you don’t have the power to do that. They signed contracts. At least Jules did. So you can take your misplaced anger at Jules and fuck right off! Poor Jules is pissed. Kyle, fresh off of peeing in a cup, comes over to break up the argument. Jules is angry and hurt that this is happening.
On next week’s Summer House recap: Everyone is dressed up in roaring 20’s costumes. Lindsay brings her new boyfriend Stephen to the house. HAHA FUCK YOU CARL! Hannah and Luke hook up. Luke then tells Carl and Kyle about it. Ugh. Lindsay and Paige get into an argument. That was a great episode.
I hope you all are doing well with all that is happening. I will be in and out of the comments as my 2 year old is turning 3 on Friday. So, I am trying to give him the best quarantined birthday a toddler can have, without friends and other family he really wants to see. Please keep commenting! I love, love, love to read them and respond. Stay safe and healthy everyone!
Great job Kelly. As usual. NIT ENOUGH CRAIG! The Neanderfuck party was perfect for Kyle. I am not familiar with Greek life. Are those columns of beer (or Loverboy) cans a fratfuck thing. I think almost every sentence should include “neener, neener, neener” from these Peter Pan 30-somethings. So petty. Frosting in a can and peeing in a cup in one show! What a craigh!
Confetti cake and canned frosting is a tradition in our family. Our birthday boy is 35 and he wants that cake every year. and it tastes fabulous!
That’s my husband’s favorite too!!! lol
Thank you so much!!! Not enough Craig indeed!!!
Great recap. I cannot deal with any of the guys on this show. Carl being the worst! I didn’t like him from day 1 and have no idea what any female would see in him. From the constant mind games to the corny jokes and one liners, he is the worst. I don’t get if Hannah is really that into Luke or as she said she is super competitive and wants to always be #1? She seems too good for him. Hope everyone is doing ok. Praying this all starts to flatten out soon.
I, too, have never understood the Carl appeal. He can’t hold down a job or keep a woman happy beyond a couple of weeks. He just seems really down in life and it shows when he gets drunk and angry. Also can’t stand his short shorts on such long legs. Next!
Thank you Dawn! Carl is the worst. I used to like him. How? I don’t know. Now I want to punch him. And buy him shorts that fit.
I just finished watching and I hate Carl so much. Lets pretend that they are really just a group of friends renting a place for the summer. First of all, Jordan chose not to be a part of the house this year so he paid $0 for the place. He is there because he was invited by a paying friend. Jule, otoh, paid her protion to rent for the summer which was probably a good chuck of $ for a nice secluded house in the Hamptons. So how is there any discussion about who should be kicked out? Jordans an asshole. I hope Jules tells them all how bad the half-way sex was with Jordan.
I felt so bad for Jules wandering around looking for a friend. The “the princesses of the house” didnt even include her. I was disappointed in all the girls. Jules seems like a nice girl just looking for a friend.
Kyle seriously needs to grow up. No wonder Amanda is dragging her feet. Adults can still have fun, he dont have to act like a 21 yr old drinking legally for the first time.
Shep and Austin looked like they’d already had a couple 6pks while Craig looked really good. I can only assume Hannah hadnt yet met Craig if she was choosing to flirt with Austin.
I was pleasantly surprised Kyle didn’t take the frat fuck humor to the point of “harmless pranking” someone into drinking his pee in a cup!
I’m pretty sure no one pays a dollar to live in that house. Production pays for it.
Plus the house was very hard to get. No one in the Hamptons wanted this show filming there. They are barred from A LOT of places.
I wish they broke the 4th wall with that bullshit. They can’t throw anyone out. Poor Jules was so sad and Carl was SUCH a prick. Ugh! Hahahah I can’t imagine why rich folks who pay good money for homes in the Hamptons would have an issue with the show???? lol
It seemed to me that Jordan wanted people to choose sides while Jules just wanted everyone to get along. So I don’t understand exactly what their issue was w/her. And like TT pointed out, Jules has a contract, Jordan doesn’t. Carl always is and has been a complete jerk. Good point about Hannah hadn’t yet met Craig and that’s why she was flirting w/Austin.
Thank you @PopCultureKelly!!!! Still one of my favorite shows, lol.
(Perhaps it is partly due to YOU 😉)
Awwwwwe my sweet Cheryl, thank you!!!!! You’re one of my faves as well 🙂
I have been biting my tongue since Jordan came back to the show. I wish that Jordan would come to terms with his sexuality and stopped playing games with all these women. Stop trying to impress all the guy’s by claiming all the women he has been with. Just stop fighting it and come out, if he can’t do that then he should just be asexual and stop leading women on.
I agree. It’s hard to watch him not only be self destructive, but to hurt these women as well.
I like Luke, for the most part. I thought it was cool that although Hannah was ready to sleep with him after the hot tub, he said no…let me figure out how I feel about his other girl and Hannah before doing that. When he admitted to sleeping with someone, I thought he was talking about his other girl, not Hannah, but maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention. I love this shit show! Jordan needs to go for real, as there’s nothing “real” about him. I couldn’t be with a guy like Kyle for more than two minutes. He’s an immature child. Thanks for your great recaps Kelly!
Thank you Deb! I really like Luke and liked that as well. I hope we continue to like him! 😉
Jordan is so into Carl. Only time will tell if the feeling is mutual. Carl was such a jerk transferring his Sarah disappointment into anger toward Jules. I like Jules, she does not seem fake and deals with conflict quite well. She is like a cute puppy that is a little too eager. But she’s not a mean girl and it’s nice to see that. Boring seeing Shep and Austin. Not pleasing to watch Amanda hold a urine cup for Kyle. Don’t need Hannah twerking a goat’s face. Liked Paige and Jules this episode. Liked seeing Luke’s face. everything else was tiresome.
So Craig and Jules dated for a few months over the summer? Craig was live on Insta last night with Beau and gave that info up!
I’m confused by Carl wanting to kick out Jules and Jordan because of their non-relationship issues affecting the house. What about Carl and Lindsay’s drama this season making everyone feel awkward? Kyle and Amanda are full of dysfunction and involve everyone in it. Carl wanted to fight Luke because he texted Sarah…..
Great points, Kat!
Exactly!!!!