Well the time has finally come for the first RHONY recap of season twelve. I’m not in the mood at the moment. I have an anger headache. It’s amazing how annoyed you can get at people without even leaving your house. It’s also amazing how many pandemic experts there are out there to let you know what you should and should not be doing. I’m going to have a glass or twelve of rosé and try to move on. I have a shit ton of work to do tonight.
I missed the intro and the taglines because my DVR is a fucking dinosaur and Spectrum SUCKS. We begin with Luann leaving the courthouse with Sonja. As soon as they exit the building Luann hugs Sonja and cries about the hell she has been through with her probation. I can assure you this is a fake scene. There is no way Sonja went to court with Luann or that this was filmed in real time. They would not be walking out with microphones and without an attorney. So that’s the way we are going to start off the season?Luann opted not to wear a shirt to court? None of this seems real. Why is Sonja carrying a white suitcase like it is a purse? Sonja and Luann do a whole recap of the last season. I am already annoyed. What happened to Sonja’s face in her talking head?
It’s time to meet “Tinsley’s friend” and new RHONY, Leah McSweeney. Apparently, this is going to happen at a boxing gym. At this point Tinsley has moved out from the hotels she lives in with Scott and is single. She also flew to China to adopt two dogs. Allegedly. They don’t seem like rescues or candidates for Yulin dog stew.
Tinsley says she is dating a guy named Bruce who lives in… wait for it… Chicago! I don’t believe a single scene of this episode so far. Right down to the two dogs. By the way, in case you missed it, Leah is batshit crazy.
Like Cats and Dogs…
Oh Dorinda and John. Yes, please! Even though I think they are less “not together” now than usual. Dorinda broke her rib while dancing with Carson Kressley at a party. She seems plenty well enough to teach John how to make lasagna with precooked noodles. John took care of her during her recovery. (Only for her to uncouple even further afterward.) Dorinda is back together with Luann though. I mean who else is going to be her filming buddy. It’s Sonja and Ramona; Tinsley and Leah; and Dorinda and Luann.
Ramona goes out with a bunch of her “girlfriends” and some new dude who lives in her building. This is our introduction to Elyse Slaine, the newest “friend of the show.” You really must click here for all the dirt on Elyse. Ramona is not adjusting well to her new apartment. She’s lonely. She has a bit of a meltdown. How many drinks has she had.
[Insert poor parenting and hump dogs scene here.]
Dorinda’s End of Summer Party
So it is our first all-cast party for no reason at all. It’s “Dorinda’s Party.” Call it what you will. It’s just an opportunity for cat fights. I hate people who use the word “cheers” as a verb. The word they should use is “toast.” You make a toast with someone. You do not make a cheers. All those private schools that Tinsley went to really didn’t seem to pay off. Leah has a drinking problem.
Speaking of drinking problems, Luann claims she is now Lu and improved. However I read a scathing IG or three recently from her ex assistant who basically said her sobriety was all storyline. He also said she was horrible to work for and it quit twice before it took. SHOCKER! The Countess is a bitch to work for? Who’d a thunk?
Dorinda Makes Up With Luann In An Odd Way
I am interested to hear what y’all think of Dorinda’s new hairdo. I think I would have rather been introduced to it in a more casual look. Now, I am trying to decide about the whole ensemble. I think I like it, but it is just a lot to show me all at once. If I ever to transform like Meredith Baxter Birney, I think I could do this whole look. Maybe. Anyway, Dorinda extended the olive branch to Luann by playing Feeling Jovani and have a drag queen perform. It worked. Because Luann has to be her team mate this season.
Ramona and Luann tag team Leah in order to find out
how to get to her this season all about her. Then Lu and Leah realize they have a few things in common like mugshots for assaulting a police officer, and drinking problems. Hell, Dorinda may end up having to make up with Tinsley and film with her. Or not. Dorinda continues to care way too much about Tinsley’s relationship with Scott. It’s like she is stalking her every move with him. I think Dorinda is jealous. Maybe not of Scott in particular, but of Tinsley being taken care of. Dorinda gets super drunk and acts like a total cunt to Tinsley. Leah gets her first look at what she is in for.
A Pair Of Pants Full Of Magic
Earlier in this very episode Ramona was begging anyone who would listen for a man. Now we are supposed to believe that this younger guy is an ex lover and she is no longer interested in him? Sonja wastes no time in letting him know she is interested in meaningless sex.
Well? What did you think. Thoughts on Leah?