The title of this episode alone tells me I am probably going to hate it. If you are over age 13, prank wars should not be a thing. Also, I am freaking out because I think I waited too long to go to the grocery story. As in are they all going to close? I AM ON MY LAST BOTTLE OF WINE. James Kennedy is on the TV trying to tell us that when bad things happen, drinking doesn’t help. Okay, he’s probably right, but still. LVP has trained her horse to “talk.” This means that when she screams at him in French, he whinneys. She’s also fond of horse cock apparently.
Brett? Brent? That guy that Scheana keeps throwing herself at? It appears I don’t have a tag for him so let’s go with Brett following the whole “first guess, best guess” principle. Anyway, he is apparently going to promote his You Tube Channel this week with Scheana. When they talk about it he tells Scheana for the millionth time that they are just friends. And, as usual, Scheana says,”You never know where life will take us…”
It’s Thursday And That Means Beer Funneling And TPing Houses
It’s Jax’s birthday and he and Brittany have put on adult clothes and are going out to lunch. That’s very civilized for Jax. Meanwhile, The Toms and maybe Max are funneling beers in Sandoval’s empty house. Because? It’s Thursday? I dunno. Sandoval wants to TP Jax’s house while he is at his birthday lunch. This is a terrible idea, say Schwartz! Let’s funnel more beer until it seems like a good idea! Says Sandoval.
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Sandoval convinces Max to do it and they just happen to have several giant packs of toilet paper available. Speaking of toilet paper, they aren’t going to shut down the grocery stores are they? Jax was not nearly pissed off enough about this. He’s a terrible actor. Schwartz is having a panic attack at Sandoval’s pool at the mere thought. Sandoval put some TP out on his bushes to use as his alibi.
The Middle-Aged Fuckgirl
Brett (that is his name!) shows up at Scheana’s apartment to interview her for his little Youtube thing. Scheana says she is unprepared because she didn’t come home last night. She had great sex four times with some new guy. Brett introduces her to his followers as a 34 year old middle-aged woman who has been around the block. She’s been divorced. And she is freezing her eggs.
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Scheana says she is never going to get married again unless it is someone who “like literally blows my mind.” Well, so far this season there have been at least a dozen guys who meet that criteria. Just none of them are interested. Scheana says she dates fuckboys because they are fun. Brett says she attracts the energy she puts out and implies she is a fuckgirl. She gets pissy with Brett after they stop filming. I think I like Brett.
Katie Has A No Kristen Wine Party
Katie has said she is having a girl’s night in wine party and invites all the new girls. She makes it clear to everyone that she is excluding Kristen. Again, none of these people act like adults. You can have a wine party and you can invite whoever you want. But spending all your coveted screen time discussing the one person you are not inviting, who is a partner with you in a wine company, is just shitty, infantile behavior.
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Scheana of course calls Kristen to tell her that all the girls going to Katie’s for wine except for her. Everyone brings a bottle or two of wine except for Brittany who brings a gallon of vodka, and Scheana who brings string cheese. Scheana starts whining right away though so maybe she didn’t understand the concept. Brittany wants to know who TPed her house.
It’s time for Lala’s “I am angry I can’t drink on camera. So I am going to be a cunt scene.” Something is very wrong with this girl. Also, this is not a dress up party. Scheana’s still in the pajamas from her all night hook up the night before. Raquel is perfectly dressed in jeans and a cute top.
Meanwhile, At Tom Tom …
The guys have put together a little guy’s night for Jax’s birthday. Sandoval gives Jax a bag from him and Max. It has toilet paper in it. So it is game on. The next night Jax has an 80s themed birthday party for himself. Sandoval gives him a samurai sword signed by Randy Jackson. I don’t get it either but it is some thing from way back when they were room mates. Schwartz gave him a rubber foot that has a fake vagina on one end. Because, Schwartz.
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Randall has decided to give Jax payback in the prank war. He is having stunt police cars swarm Sandoval house and “arrest him” for vandalism. For some crazy reason, KATIE gets extremely upset by the joke on Sandoval. Sandoval is not mad. Ariana’s still trying to figure out if her vagina is shy or not. Nobody really cares. Except for Katie. And Ariana mulls it over and deems it politically incorrect or something.
Even Schwartz Hates Katie…
But Schwartz is furious that Katie is causing a scene. He screams at her that nobody gives a shit about her opinion. Schwartz says he has never been more turned off in his life. “This is why I don’t have sex with her!” Schwartz screams. He also calls her a moron. Beau and Sandoval are both trying to shut him up but it’s not working. Schwartz storms out of the house. Katie refuses to leave with him. As she should.
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Next week, LVP is back and on the job to get Beau to propose to Stassi. Dayna and Brett talk about “hanging out.” There were some hatchets being thrown. Schwartz has no clue why Katie won’t speak to him.
Good Lord, reading this recap was fucking exhausting. I’m glad I didn’t watch it. I can’t believe these people are in the same age range as me. If I had an inkling that someone was TPIng my house, I would be outside very quickly. And they would be sorry. Sorry, that Republican coming out.
Hope you are doing alright TT. Thanks for keeping all of us in some weird way to try to communicate and be together. It is really cool to hear from the same voices and to know they are still alive.
It exhausting enough to watch this show, I can’t imagine how rough it is to recap. These people are just so high maintenance that I can’t even believe anyone is actually friends with them in real life. I am really liking Raquel more and more. Lala used to be decent, she could be crude but she was authentic and no bullshit. Now she is thinking she is all that because she has doughboy buying her a diamond ring. I was impressed Stassi defended Raquel, she earned points with me for that. Jax is a douche bag, I just can’t with him and his saying how much that wedding cost. It didn’t cost him shit, nothing. And how greedy was he talking about how presents better be so expensive.
Lala needs to get off her high horse. What a cuntsatchel. Soo hateful. Raquel needs to know her place? Fuck you bitch. I used to really like Lala, but yes, Randall has gone to her ego. She’s a dry drunk.
Oh snap! You’re absolutely right!
I don’t believe a savings that she wasn’t drinking that day. She is one nasty bitch.
I thought the same thing! If she wasn’t drinking, I think of the dry drunk definition. Either way she is FOS and thinks she has somehow earned respect. Who wants her opinion on anything? Lala and Scheana. I fast forward scenes so not much to watch lately. I like the first seasons. Nostalgia.
I completely agree that Lala is a dry drunk. Raquel did nothing but stand up for herself. Lala is an egomaniac. I can’t wait until Randall dumps her.
Nail on the head! I’m really liking Racquel this season.
I think Lala is secretly grossed out with herself for whoring herself out to a beady-eyed doughboy…the Pillsbury kind. She certainly doesn’t seem happy. Loved the octave change when she talked to Rand ?
I’ve been wondering what was wrong with Lala and you are exactly right(amongst other things)she is a very dry drunk. I’ve know a few and it’s almost as though you want to say: either start drinking again/go to a meeting/help another alcoholic STAT!
All I can saw about this cluster fuck of people is that Randall sure did find himself a man. That Lala is something else.
The sword is in reference to the movie Step Brothers with Will Farrell. No clue what it has to do with Jax & Tom. Is Katie this big of a bitch in real life, I wonder?? And I don’t get why they care so much to hate Kristen.. we get it she complained & complained about Carter but then acted like a couple. Stassi wasn’t this upset when she banged Jax during time they were together.
I totally agree with you regarding Kristen and Stassi. Stassi is more mad at Kristen for something that has to do with Kristen’s relationship then when Kristen slept with Jax. SMDH
I saw “the cool kids” (in their own minds), on WWHL before I watched Pump.
Jax is a douchecanoecuntsatchelpeckerwoodcockbreathedmotherfucker. The way he treats Sandoval after YEARS of — apparently one-sided — friendship should be a clue to Brittany of what is to come. You know how they say look how a man treats his mother as a clue to his character? Yeah, that.
For his 1980s birthday party, Jax should have come as Ron Jeremy — SO HE COULD BLOW HIMSELF!
YEASSSS to this! His ability to cut his mother and friends out of his life are showing. Jax’s behavior for a 40 year-old man is horrendous. These will all be red flags that Brittany will count & mull over down the line.
Brittany might be the next LaLa. Randall really likes Kentucky Muffin, and when she inevitably leaves Jax down the road. . .
She’s not pretty enough for Randall. Am I not supposed to say that?
Really? I think Brittany is really pretty. Not as sexy, skinny as Lala, but definitely gorgeous and real (except the tits she did not need).
It wasn’t a new WWHL from his home was it? I stopped when bothering to see if WWHL episodes are new because I just assumed that with his Corona that he wasn’t up to it still.
It was a NEW show. He started broadcasting from home Monday. NeNe, Rhinna and Jerry O’Connell. Andy is feeling well and reunited with Benjamin. I heard he used some super oxygenation thing. Those will sell out and people who need them will suffer. Oh vey!
Oh shoot! I’m gonna have to see if I can catch it I guess. Thank you! I’m so glad you mentioned it.
Was it something more that just a pulse oximeter?
He did mention the oximeter, but, but not sure if there was more.
I was so happy when Raquel stood up to Lala. James is very lucky to have Raquel in his corner.
These people are all so selfish and immature. Once again, Scheana just makes me cringe.
The last scene was so dark–Schwartz talking to Katie in that way was shocking. That he would say such things at all is beyond terrible, but to say them in front of everyone, when his friends were trying to quiet him, is beyond terrible times one hundred. In vino veritas. I think that reveals a lot of resentment in his heart toward Katie.
Schwartz is on serious drugs. If you watch old episodes he is alive, verbal, quick witted. Now, he is slow, dull, and confused or angry. Katie is not much of a wife or friend. I think she stays because he tolerates her. But that’s why he is so mean sometimes—he runs out of patience, he’s high AF, and his shittiest self emerges. Katie and he are poison.
Meanwhile, Sandoval continues to support Jax. Jax is a terrible person. Like Lala who is a lost cause too.
Love James and Raquel, too!
I don’t know if he is on drugs, other than alcohol. Alcohol is a serious drug; it’s just a legal drug. And it depending on how it’s used it can be good or terrible. We’ve all seen where both Katie and Schwartz can turn into ugly drunks. They rip James — pot, kettle much. And, as others have pointed out, Lala is a dry drunk. Not drinking, but all of the hurt and anger issues go untreated.
Sandoval, Ariana and Raquel seem like the ones who keep it most together as far as booze.
Maybe it is just alcohol, but Schwartz needs to stop whatever it is that is ruining his looks, personality and potential.
Sandy holds his liquor very well. I think Ariana and Raquel drink very responsibly on TV.
He might be on weed and alcohol. I have a friend that acts just like him when she’s on both. She’s a really nasty mean drunk that likes to hit below the belt.
Fuck Lala, and I can’t stand Katie, but as her husband… What a DICK! That would be it for me. Done.
Yes, but you could tell it has been brewing, festering under the surface. All of those emasculating remarks about his dick not working. His remark about not fucking her was direct retaliation for that. Her constant put downs. Her superior attitude toward … EVERYONE. He apologized profusely on WWHL. She has WAY more to apologize about. None of these people made it as actors and models. This was a fluke — an LVP plan for self- and restaurant promotion. No wonder they worship LVP. The one her a lot!
I completely agree with everything you said, and as I mentioned, I also cannot stand Katie. The same goes for when she said those things… If I were him I would have been gone at that time too, but instead, he married her, so there we go! I think the difference between those two is that she is (or thinks she is) happy with him, and he knows he’s miserable with her. Overall I actually like Schwartz more than most of them.
Not defending Schwartz’s nasty comments but let’s remember how many times he had to deal with Tequila Katie. She was horrible to him so many times I lost count. He’s for sure got some pent up anger with her. She is a total cunt for the way she and Stassi are treating Kristen so my sympathy for her is on the low end right now.
TT, the grocery stores and liquor stores are still open in upstate NY, and we are on serious stay at home orders. We are ordering everything online and doing curbside pickup. It’s costly, but we’ve only done it twice so far. Hang in there and may you get more wine soon!
Thanks for the recaps. Feels normal to come here and “see” you all — a huge blessing to me right now.
I feel the same way!
What the FUCK is wrong with LaLa?
Did no one else hear her say she was “A Michael Vick fighting dog!”???
Have her brains gone pouring out of her head?
What kind of low life scumbag is LaLa to say something like that?
LaLa is trash.
Her venom towards Racquel is creepy and weird. Racquel has to live with James not her, she is the one who needs to “stay in her lane” and “know her place”. I hope Rand has hot dog farts next time she’s on her knees.
Hahaha She is so pressed offs that James is so in live with Raquel that he is worrying drinking in order to not lose her. Lala wants James to just be in love with her. Not that she even wants to be with him. She’s a mental case. I mean serious problems. And the way she was just so phonywith Raquel at that lunch just so she could sucker punch her right after… she did it like that for a reason. It takes a really sinister person to plan like that, and I have no doubt that she totally did.
Holy moly… I am so sorry for that first paragraph. I had typed out a whole response prior to that one and it just disappeared before I could hit post, so this time I hit post so fast that I forgot to check it over, and of course, it just had to be a mess! Let me retype just the beginning here.
“Hahaha She is so pissed off that James is so in love with Raquel that he is quitting drinking in order to not lose her.”
That’s happened to the best of us, right? ? the typing, not the quitting drinking!
I didn’t even hear that!!!! Oh my God. As the extremely proud Mom of a pit mix (and foster Mom to other pitties) as well as a huge pit bull advocate, that is the last straw for that FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT BITCH! I am boiling right now. I hope her ass is getting blasted on social media, and I truly wish her horrible things in this life. She has zero redeeming qualities and Randall is a straight up idiot.
Sorry to post yet again about LaLa but the Michael Vick dog comment is disgusting!!! Please do NOT google it everyone-it’s horrible!! I hope she was called out on social media for that. She’s also a dog owner? WTF??? On a lighter note-you guys all make me really happy. I look forward to reading TT everyday-real brightspot ⭐️ in my life right now.
Yeah…that was a bizarre reference. Lala’s desire for power and control over Raquel is so interesting to me and, in my humble opinion, screams insecurity.
TT-Great recap! Racquel, be happy you’re not in Lala’s lane. In few years when Lala is older and her looks began to fade she while be on the exit ramp as Randall merges on the highway with younger shinier version. Racquel continue to stick up for yourself, keep making your point without insulting others and let those that are miserable, insecure and possibly jealous continue to drive down a way one way street to a dead end.
I hope Raquel and James make it as a couple. When he isn’t drinking, he is funny and charming. And he had a really astute self-evaluation. First step. If he can keep it up. I am surprised how little these people know — in this day and age — about addiction. Very few people succeed on their first attempt at sobriety that’s part of the disease.
I could not stand James during his first season. Since learning his background, both parents with substance abuse issues and supporting his siblings and parents, I have a soft spot for him. He verbally attacked Brittany and Katie and got the boot from his DJ job while the WeHo witches and Lala destroy people verbally and get away with it. I won’t watch this shitshow any more. I. Just. Can’t. So thanks TT for taking one for some of our team. Oh, and LA in KY, I don’t call that Republican, I call that Jersey.
WTF? WTFF? Ugh! I am seven minutes into this show and I am scarred for LIFE. I can not believe I just saw LVP give a horse a handy. What is the French word for THAT?????
I think (pray to God) that she just rubbed his belly and not his ding dong, but still, her intent was to give her horse a boner. My immediate thought following it (and I literally shuddered to think it) was “I can imagine what she does off camera if she does that on camera”. And what I imagine it is is what you said above. I couldn’t get myself to rewatch it however, because I was too scared that maybe it WAS more than what I thought I saw. I don’t think so though.
Lori, I couldn’t go back and rewatch either… eeewwwwww!!!
Hahaha! ?
For as much as Lala wants to pretend she’s over James and had no feelings for him and is completely in Love with Randall she sure acts like a jealous ex girlfriend
THIS
It was revolting to see LVP touch the horse – ugh! need to bleach my eyeballs! wtf is with her?! that’s NOT British humor, is it? Loved Raquel and while I felt bad for Katie, she was such a bitch to Kristen that I did not feel 1/2 as bad.
I was waiting for someone to comment on this! Ewwwww I felt bad for the horse.
Hi Tamara, I want to thank you for your site and all the hard work you do to keep us up to date and entertained. I have been a reader for years and this is my first comment. I just want to say that I agree with you that Raquel was dressed appropriately for the Wine night. I had never thought about Lala maybe being a bit viscous because of not drinking any more. Very interesting idea.
I think (LaLa) aka Lauren sees that she may not be the youngest or the most pretty. I think that Lauren feels threaten because Requel is actually younger than her. And she gets mad about it.
Yep… this season there is a replacement for all the earlier cast masts in the new group. Raquel is the new Lala..
I agree, TT. Max is Jax, Dayna is Stassi, Brett is Tom(s), No pasta girl is Scheana. Raquel is Lala, and the mean manager girl is Katie. Bye bye, oldsters. (But they are still the heart of the show.) James is going to be the star.
I pegged Dayna as Ariana 2.0 lol
Yeah. Dayna is bitchier, though.
It’s incredible how believable Jax is when he is trying to convince Sandoval he didn’t call the cops. He clearly has had a lot of practice denying accusations…..
Katie and Swartz. Oof.
First time commenter on the site. I love the recaps and conversations, TT and group.
Welcome to the madness… xo ~tt
I re-watched that scene based on your comments — so true, Beebs. Jax is the consummate liar. Brit better watch her back.
That’s funny, I had the complete opposite observation!
I found Jax to be a horrible actor during the pranking scene. Lol his surprised face looked so fake to me…and I also found him to be a horrible liar whenever denying his past infidelities as well.